One is Too Many
by TrulyWished
Summary: Kira learns the addictive qualities of kisses and his own strength. KiraIkkaku of course, so yaoi, and it's a repost of an aff story, so lemons, language, the whole run. And we're COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

So, for some ridiculous reason, I imagined the first chapter was clean. It's not, just in case you missed that. We have language and solo male right off the bat, which I suppose is a strong start to any story. Please review, and I should mention I prefer signed reviews, because I like to respond to them! So please, sign in if you can and I'll get back to you if you have questions, comments that need a response, or if you just want to say hi.

As to the story line…Yes, it's been done before, but we all know I love a challenge and try to give an original twist to the standards. So please, give it a shot and maybe you'll even like it.

Just for clarification, we're going AU right after the Soul Society arc, so if you don't like it... don't complain. Please. Otherwise, I've tried to stick to known facts with few modifications, such as time line; I also tried to stay in character. Alright, enough of my babbling, GO! Enjoy!

Kira

So here we are, all lined up, full dress robes and the best formation we can force the new members into. They just arrived a few days ago, though why, when we've been pulled from active duty, war or no, is beyond me. We don't even have a Captain. But, that's why we're here. Tetsummi is doing his best while I'm trying not to panic and give orders like an idiot. The waiting is killing us; where the hell is he?

New Captain Ikkaku Madarame was due half an hour ago and there is still no sign of him. Hurry up, hurry up, they're unsteady enough as it is. I'm not cut out for this leading stuff, I don't know what to do, and everyone knows it. The only things keeping them in any sort of line are Tetsummi's fists and his loyalty to me. Thank god for him.

Heavy steps can be heard coming down the path and I look up to see. There he is; he's so big, not really that tall but wide, heavy muscle and dark tanned skin; his presence fills the compound, vibrant and alive. He looks dangerous, bruised from a recent fight, and like he knows how to command, unlike me, who's soft and pale. And he has someone with him. Is that... Yumichika? I haven't seen him in a while, he looks more beautiful than he did before. I wonder why he's here. Unless I'm going to be replaced.

That thought sends fear down my back. Will I even have a seat if I'm replaced? Tetsummi will stand with me, and most of the older men, but no one who has joined in the past thirty years will. Just relax, I have to be calm and in control no matter what. Control keeps you alive and safe, it minimizes the damage and keeps you from earning more.

A quick wave of the hand and my third barks one last order before coming to stand beside me, head bowed as we've been taught. "Captain Madarame, sir. Welcome to the Third Division." My voice is steady, though a bit high from nerves. Tetsummi's shoulder touches mine briefly, a sign of support and faith, and I rein in the fear. "We're very pleased to have you join us as our leader. I am Lieutenant Kira Izuru and this is our third seat, Tetsummi Asegawa." He knows who we are, but a formal greeting and introduction are nice.

"Ikkaku." I frown in confusion; what? "Call me Ikakku. Take this, put it somewhere." His voice is so deep, a low rumble and I'm caught off guard when a bag hits me in the chest. It is barely caught after a second of fumbling and I can feel my cheeks flushing, muffled giggles from behind me in the ranks. They are followed quickly by the sound of hands hitting the back of young heads, my officers protecting me, but I've already heard and my head bows a bit lower.

Dark eyes are taking it all in and my humiliation is complete. My team is disorderly, poorly trained for battle, I'm a joke to half of them, and I can feel him thinking that I am useless. A delicate clearing of the throat and I peek up to see the gorgeous Yumichika nudging his teammate in the back, perfect hair tilted slightly towards me. His voice is soft and I can't make it out, but he is talking quickly, and Captain Ikkaku is listening, head tilted towards him, eyes still on the suddenly uneasy team.

"Alright, line up. That is some damn pathetic formation and the first lesson we learn is how to stand at attention properly. Lieutenant Kira, come." He's glaring at them, annoyed and I'm not sure why. Still, the bag is handed off and I move to stand before him, eyes down, careful not to look until given permission. "How long have these lazy brats been with the squad?"

Is he, angry for me? Because they were laughing? No, can't be, it must be something else. "Less than a week, sir. Straight from the academy." I assume he's talking about the youngest and least organized.

"Huh. And this is the best line they can manage? Yumi, do that for me, will ya?" He just walks away, doesn't look back or wait for an answer, or even explain what he wants done, before starting to yell and push the men into lines. The older men are already fine and just need a bit of adjusting to compensate, but the younger ones are all over, having straggled out of place to stare at their new leader. "Now, in three weeks, we're having an inspection. Anyone who fucks it up is gonna be working in the Fourth for a month. After I beat them until I'm satisfied. Understood?"

There is a spate of nodding, a few half-hearted 'yes, sir's and that loud voice is ringing over the compound. "I said, DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?"

"Yes, sir!" Even the newest members flinch away and answer loudly. I join them and Yumichika smiles beside me.

I try not to stare but it's hard; he's so pretty and perfect, and he knows it, flaunts it constantly. "You're all going to be just fine. Ikka will love it here." Even his voice is great, smooth and soft, but you can tell if he wanted to, the entire company could hear him without any effort.

It's hard to ask, but I swallow the tiny bit of pride I have and do so anyway. "And you? Will you like it here as well?" I have to know, if he's staying, where he'll be, what is his position here.

Laughter, light and airy precedes his words. "I'm not staying. I could never work under Ikka. I'm simply moving up to fill his position in our squad. Why? Are you worried about your future here?" And now he's mocking me, laughing at me. My eyes can only stare at the ground, my lips pressed together firmly.

"Oi, Yumi, get a move on. Kira, get over here."

Ikkaku

My poor little Lieutenant is looking more pale than usual, bright red in his cheeks but he's nearly white, his shoulders tense. Yume is teasing him, I can tell. Hell, even I can tell. I hope he's not being hurtful; charming as he can be, my best friend tends to forget other people have feelings.

This is a pretty sad line up though, these bloody kids are next to useless and it looks like I'll have to beat it into them at some point. But this will do for now. "Alright, dismissed. Half an hour after supper, be back here and we'll see what good you are."

It's painfully obvious who has been here the longest; the ones with their heads down, shoulders curled just a bit forward, eyes only on Kira. The younger ones are not as shy and have a bit of discipline but I suspect they've been protected. The absolute newest are full of attitude and smirks, laughing at their quiet Lieutenant, no discipline at all there.

Then, there's Kira himself. A pretty little guy, and passably strong. At least the few times I've heard of him fighting; Ichimaru didn't let him do much of anything from what I hear, just follow along and watch. Even standing at attention, his shoulders are forward and that single eye hasn't looked up yet. But, we'll work on that.

Something is off though, with his uniform. At first glance, it looks the same as everyone else's but a careful look shows a seam at his waist where there shouldn't be one, as if it's two pieces. The belt is wider too, a little thicker; not enough to draw the eye but it hides the small changes. How odd.

Enough of that, time to get settled in and organized, gotta get this place in decent shape quick. A wave brings my pretty Lieutenant running, eager to please. "Yes, sir?" He's still staring at the ground, watching my feet as if I'll kick him at any moment.

And maybe he thinks I will. My sandal edges forward a bit and he flinches, just around the eyes, barely noticeable. "Kira." He freezes, fear nearly oozing from his pores. I wait patiently, letting him get the courage to look at me. Which he does and for a second, I'm lost, staring into pale blue, the color of the sky after a storm.

My hand moves as if it has a mind of its own, reaching out to touch his cheek and he really does flinch then, pulling back, shoulders tensing. Heat moves in my cheeks at the obvious rejection and I lift the wayward hand to my head, running it over the smooth skin. "Show me around." My voice is harsher than usual and his arms shake, nervous and afraid.

It's a quick tour, Kira staying as far away as possible from me without being too insulting. There are few rooms, mine, his, the top officers', and a general dorm of double rooms, just like the eleventh. The receiving room is dusty and closed, nearly empty of furniture, the ceremonial dishes unused. Surprisingly, the office is neat, organized by priority and there are only the papers I will need to deal with myself; Kira has handled everything else. "Good work." Thin shoulders jerk at my voice and I realize I haven't spoken during the entire tour; his eye darts up to me and away. He doesn't know what to say.

"Th..thank you, sir."

Kira

I'm afraid. He's so big and loud and I can feel his eyes on me. I just want to be left alone but he's already tried to touch me, not even an hour after arriving. And all I can do is take it, do what I have to. I'm selfish and I secretly hoped deep, deep inside, he would chose someone else, make someone else sell themselves but it's me again. I hate myself, my pretty face, and I wish I had the courage to scar it, but no matter how long I hold the knife, it never cuts.

My shoulders try to straighten a bit; there must be a reason I've been chosen again and I'll hold my place as I always have. Tetsummi and the others expect me to and they've stood behind me for so long, I can't fail now. I must be strong enough, stubborn enough to last. Even if the entire Soul Society turns their backs on us again, we will survive.

I keep talking, giving details and showing him the entire building, waiting for him to shove me against a wall or to the floor. The bedrooms were especially difficult and I tried to move past them quickly, directing him to the office where paperwork waits a Captain's signature. I have done nearly everything, just to make sure that the first day will be pleasant and he seems to appreciate it. "Good work."

What do I say? I haven't been praised for a long time, and only for things I wish I'd never heard of. "Th..thank you, sir." That seems to be a proper response as he nods and moves to sit in the chair. It's too small and creaks under his weight. Another difference between him and, _Him. He _almost never sat down, just leaned over me and signed while _He_... I can feel my shoulders twitching and shake the memory away. The less paperwork there is to do, the less I have to suffer and I plan to keep it that way.

"Is there anything I can get you, sir?" The soft shuffle of papers is soothing but I still want to escape and hide for a bit.

"Yeah, get me a beer, will ya?" He doesn't even look up, pen already moving over the sheet in front of him. I just stare. Beer? In the morning? "What? You have beer, don't you?"

Stuttering makes my words indistinguishable from one another and I swallow and try again. "No, sir, I'm afraid not. I'll go get some for you right away, sir." What else is there to do? I hope he isn't a drunk, and if so, can he at least be a pleasant one? Please?

"Naw, don't worry about it." He's looking at me now, staring and I can't help but shift my weight around a little. "Grab a chair, come sit with me." He scoots his chair over a little, obviously intending me to sit right beside him.

No! No, I don't want to! "Of course, sir." My face is blank, carefully hiding the screams in my head as I tug my chair around the heavy desk and perch on the edge. "How can I help you, sir?" He isn't even looking at me anymore, absorbed in the reports, making notations and scribbling a signature along the straight lines.

"Tell me about the division. Who's who, how long have they been a part of the squad, what's their specialty, that kind of thing." His voice is lower, softer now, as if he's trying to sooth a wild kit. He knows I'm afraid. Someone, anyone, help me.

Ikkaku

Kira has such a lovely voice, soft, a bit high, even the trembling is lovely, though I wish it weren't there. If only he weren't so afraid of me. Yumi said the best way to have him get over it is to spend quiet time with him, have him talk and let him relax, get used to me. But it's hard, I'm not a patient man and I just want to hug him and promise to protect him. Of course, if I tried that, he just might have a heart attack. A faint smile tugs at my lips and he falters, voice fading as he stares at the desk top, thick wood in the way of my feet.

"Keep going, I'm listening." I'm not, but who cares? He'll just tell me again if I forget. These papers are really boring, requests for transfers, both in and out. Nothing to hold my attention and I let myself indulge in just listening to him talk.

"And that's the squad, sir." Silence for a moment before I focus again and realize he's stopped and doesn't seem to be in a hurry to start again.

Well, time to push a bit. "Kira, are you afraid of me?"

His eyes are huge, even the one hidden by the long bangs shows the bright white of terror. I'm waiting, watching him try not to fidget or tense up too much, hands clasped in his lap; the knuckles are turning as white as his eyes. "Sh, should I b, be?"

He's killing me with terrified eyes and shaking shoulders; I want to hug him so much, protect him forever. Which is the last thing he needs, lies as promises. The longer I sit here quietly, watching him, the paler he gets, the more tense his shoulders become, the harder his hands clench together. "That's up to you. Dismissed." A visible, full body jolt, he seems so afraid of even my voice. My head aches and I'm a bit harsher than necessary when he starts to speak. "Dismissed!"

Wide blue eyes shimmer and I swear I can see tears at the edges before he whirls and bolts, slamming the door into place hard enough to make it jump the track. Fuck. Of course I scared him, who knows what he's been conditioned to and what he was expecting. My head is aching and my pen starts to move over the papers again; with any luck sheer boredom will tune it out.

Kira

What should I do? He's angry and I don't know why. I can't help being afraid and I'm hiding it as best I can. It's not fair, He always wanted to see the fear and hear you deny it. But they aren't the same. Even if I haven't changed, my role hasn't changed, he is different and I must remember that. And now I've run, like the coward I am. He's sure to be angry now.

The hall is empty and I'm grateful for that, leaning my head against the door of my room, drifting in rare silence. I realize now I've run like a child, bolting for the safety of my quarters and hoping no one will follow. There are no steps behind me, not even the shuffle of daily business.

The building is empty, Tetsummi must have taken the others away to save me more humiliation. The bed is too far away and I fall, back against the wall and sob. Why? Why me? I didn't do anything wrong, I couldn't have! There is nothing I could do to deserve this but I can't just step aside and let another replace me. Even the smirks and mocking laughter are soothing, in a way; they can appear, without fear of reprisal, of dying for a mere stumble. My fingers slide under my collar to trace the long scar just over the curve of my shoulder. The warm feel of skin under my fingers isn't felt by the scarred tissue nor at the edges. Even when I pull my hand back and trace a line over my arm, there is nothing there, as it doesn't exist. Like me.

No, I can't leave another to take my place. Another child to be scarred and destroyed. Tears are wiped away quickly and I brush my pants down as I stand. There is much to do before tonight.

1234567890

Deep breaths, Kira. You can do this, you're not a child anymore. There is no need for Tetsummi to carry you here. But it would be so great if he were here, big hands on my shoulders to push me forward. The last steps are always the hardest, that final chance to flee the most difficult to give up.

Hadarame already reported the Captain's tastes in alcohol and women to me; apparently only one of the three bags that had arrived during the day actually had any personal effects. The other two were full of porn and bottles of beer. My fourth officer went out and found a few bottles of the right brand while I made a trip to borrow the pale pink and blue kimono I'm wearing. Matsumoto didn't say a word when I arrived, blushing brightly behind my bangs, just let me in and opened her closet; it was incredibly humiliating to have her help me tie it correctly and show me how to take it off. But, it works well with my coloring and I look passably feminine, hopefully enough so that the Captain won't mind.

Sad eyes watched me the entire time and she started to say something a few times but stopped. Finally, as I left, she leaned in close and kissed my cheek. She's my friend but I can't forget she looked away, believed in _Him_, just like everyone else. It's hard not to be bitter, not to hate them all, but I don't, it's not their fault they refused to interfere. Not entirely. If I'd asked, begged for help, they might have tried; I like to think they would have.

My shoulders straighten a bit, pushing back as I lift my hand to knock; the faintest shuffle of cloth makes me pause. Behind me, there is a pair of young men, new to the squad, peeking around the corner and laughing silently, hands over their mouths

For an instant, I want to scream, throw the tray and tell them to do it themselves if they're so much better than me but it passes quickly; they are only children. Before I can tell them to go away, there are tiny squeaks and they lift into the air, dangling by the back of their uniforms. Tetsummi stands behind them, frowning down as he shakes them briefly. He looks up at me and bows his head, mouthing my name.

My bangs tip gracefully and I send a tiny smile to him, thanking him for his assistance. One last deep breath and I kneel, balancing the tray in my lap as I knock softly. "Captain Ikkaku? It's Lieutenant Kira."

"Come in." Such a deep voice, loud and filled with life, so different from His mockingly cold tones. No, no, forget that. I have to stay focused.

The door slides open soundlessly under my hand and I remain kneeling, head down while I wait for permission to stand. "Well, come on." My lashes provide cover for me to find him, sprawled out on the bed, propped on an elbow and waving me in. All that bare chest, much wider than my previous Captain, muscle bulging in thick arms and I shiver; if he hits me, I might not be able to continue.

Of course I can! Don't be such a coward; you exist for one thing only, Izuru, and you can at least do that bravely. I rise as gracefully as I can mange, the unfamiliar clothing clinging to my legs, and slow steps take me to the bedside to set the tray down carefully. The Captain's dark eyes light up at the sight of his favorite drink and he takes the tray from me, placing it in his lap as he shifts his legs over the edge of the bed.

Is he naked? I've never met anyone who sleeps naked before. Truly, I don't think I've ever really seen anyone else entirely naked. Even after all those years, He never took everything off, just the relevant parts. And I've seen others in the dorms and whatnot, but only parts here and there. It feels strange, to be in a room with someone else unclothed. But it doesn't bother him, he just rolls to sit, sheet hauled casually over his lap.

"So? What do you want?" He doesn't sound angry but that might be the beer.

Both bottles are opened quickly and I offer a glass; it gets a distasteful glance and he drinks from the dark neck, swallowing heavily. I hand him the second and watch him drink half quickly. "Nothing, sir. I just thought I would come and see if there was anything you wanted."

He pauses, cradling the cold bottle. "Here, gimme that glass." It's handed over silently and he pours part of his drink in before handing it back. "Drink up. And come sit." A large hand pats the bed beside him and I perch carefully on the edge. The beer is bitter, sour but I swallow a little, both hands wrapped around the glass. "You always wear that?"

The question takes me by surprise and I glance up to see him staring at me. My cheeks redden and I look at my hands again. "If you dislike it, I can take it off, sir."

A brief shrug and he adjusts the blanket in his lap. "Do what you want."

Well that isn't very encouraging. Usually by now, if I'm lucky, I'd be on my way back to my own room. I stand and unwind the obi slowly, folding it loosely over my arm and setting it on the floor in easy reach for when I leave. A careful ripple of my shoulders sends the edges of the kimono gliding over my arms. My cheeks flush and I stare at the floor as he looks me over; I can feel his eyes on me, curious.

I hope he doesn't find me too ugly; scars trail over my chest and stomach, surrounding the gold hoops in both nipples and my belly button. A little shiver and I shift to allow the smooth cloth to slide further, over my hips and down to puddle at my feet. He doesn't make a sound, just continues staring, hooded eyes traveling over my body, pausing at my chest and further down, taking in the small ring at the tip of my penis.

Still he says nothing, just watches. My arms cross defensively over my stomach, hugging me as I shiver again. A reaction; he lifts a corner of blanket and I step forward to sit beside him, tucking myself against his side. His hand rubs my head before looping around my waist, thick fingers trailing over my skin. Power brushes along my nerves, bright overflow and I shiver again, pressing into the heat of his side and strength. It's warm here, pressed to him, tanned skin dark against my nearly white complexion. I feel very pale and delicate.

Slow petting isn't so bad, he's not hurting me yet and I burrow into his heat, tucking my feet up beside me; slow sips of his beer are the only sound other than our breathing. It makes me a little nervous that he isn't doing anything; am I supposed to take the lead? His stomach flexes as I run my fingers lightly over it but he says nothing, doesn't move away or towards me, and I try again, skittering across the ripple of muscle and skipping down to the edge of the blanket.

Ikkaku

He's fucking killing me. I didn't expect him to come so soon and certainly not dressed in a pink kimono too small for him. At least it's not his. Even if he did look pretty cute, it doesn't suit him. What does are those rings; holy fuck do they suit him. A pale gold, the color of his hair with tiny blue beads on all four standing out against that pale, soft looking skin; I'll be having wet dreams about that for the rest of my life.

He's afraid, I can smell it on him, see it reflected in his eyes, the curve of his shoulders. My hand rests quietly on his side, the only place I trust myself to touch without losing control and taking him. He would let me, it's why he's here after all but he's shaking so hard his teeth are nearly chattering. Ichimaru might have enjoyed that but I prefer screams of pleasure over terror.

A groan is stifled as he runs his hand over my stomach. It stops for a second before moving again, trailing over my side and down to inch under the blanket I dragged over to hide the brutal erection I'm sporting. The last of the beer spills as I grab his hand, pressing it to my stomach and preventing him from touching me; I'd be lost if he did. Soft confused whines make me gulp for air as I brush the spilled beer away, scattering it in droplets over the blanket. I pat his hand lightly before moving it back to his own lap, not looking at him.

"Sir? Is something wrong?" His cheeks are bright pink, eyes down and he looks worried more than afraid; does he want me to like him?

"No, nothing is wrong. Are you staying here tonight?" I want him to, I want to fuck him until I can't breath then tuck him into my side and fuck him in the morning too. Not going to happen but it would be nice to have his warmth snuggled against me all night

Maybe I was too blunt. His eyes are huge, his fingers tangled tightly together across his stomach. "I, sir, I" I guess he doesn't want to. A short shrug and I open my mouth to send him away. "If you want me to, sir, I will." He's staring at the floor, head turned away from me, long bangs over his cheeks to hide the blush.

"Fine." And I have to make a quick trip to the bathroom. "Get settled, I'll be back in a minute." He might be asleep by the time I return but I doubt it. He still doesn't look up as I stand and tie the thin blanket around my waist. It's a bit difficult to walk but I manage and slip out the door, closing it quietly behind me. For a second my head rests on the door but the sound of cloth rustling inside sends me to the bathroom quickly, before I embarrass myself in the hallway.

How did this happen to me? I never liked men before, never even considered doing Yumi even after all the years of close contact and the fact that he's much prettier than most of the women I know. And anyone who can live with Yume and not want on has to be straight, right? Then skinny little Kira Izuru came trotting along, trailing his division leader with downcast eyes and a soft voice welcoming us to the Gotei 13; I wanted him immediately. Yumi nearly killed himself laughing and had to be excused; somehow, he knew the same instant I did, perceptive little fucker.

The sheet drops to the floor as I lean against the closed door, fumbling for the lock; the last thing I need is someone walking in on me jerking off over my Lieutenant on the first day. My cock is hot in my hand and I stroke quickly, eyes closing to imagine those pale, lean legs wrapping around me, skin warmed metal on my tongue easy to taste, soft whimpers nearly audible. A low groan as I lift and squeeze my balls, rolling them in my hand as I thumb the thick head before sliding my hand down again.

Just that is enough with the sight of my blond still imprinted in my head, bright jewelry and flushed cheeks, creamy skin laced with delicate scars; the tiny whimpers he can't quite silence when I get too close to him, the jerk of his skin when he's startled, I imagine them willing under me, his voice sweet and shivers trailing his body under my hands. Another groan as my hips jerk forward, cock twitching in my hand as thick seed sprays over it, coating my skin. Shit. Even if he's the worse lay ever, it'll be worth it for that kind of orgasm.

A few moments to enjoy the relaxed afterglow before I have to grab a towel and get cleaned up; he's waiting for me. Soft cloth is a pleasure to use, rubbing my overly sensitive skin. Okay, all clean again. The sheet is wrapped around my waist again and I march back to to my room, sliding the door open quietly, just in case Kira did manage to get to sleep.

He's still awake, watching me from a little ball on the far edge of the bed. Blue eyes are huge, the only part I can see in the dim light and I smile at him; he's just so adorable. The blanket is immediately spread out and he claims a tiny corner, curling as small as possible. I keep the sheet I took with me wrapped around my waist and stretch out beside him. "Come here."

Thin shoulders jerk at my voice but he shuffles over to lay beside me, still curled up. My hands look enormous when I set them on his shoulders and back, stretching him out to lean against my side. "Go to sleep. Early morning tomorrow." Blond bangs rub under my chin, smooth and soft.

He's trying so hard not to make any noise or move, I can barely feel him breathing. Every time I shift my weight, a breathy whimper sneaks out and I'm sending him back to his own room if he does it again, I swear. "S,s,sir?"

"Yeah." Fuck, he can barely speak.

"I, I'm, s,s,sorry." Aw shit, is he crying? The blanket twitches against my chest as he wipes his face. Fuck, he is. "I, I'm, s,sorry, s,s,sir, I,I'll, I'll tr, try har, hard, der. P,p,plea-se, d,d,on't be, be angr-gry." Damn it all anyway; I think he's hyperventilating.

"Cut it out." A quick pinch to the ass has him jolting against me, surprise heading off the panic attack that's building. "Why would I be angry with you?"

A few deep breaths before he speaks again. "Be, because I'm, not, not pretty enough. I'm not go, good enough." His face is hot against my shoulder and I run my fingers through his bangs, forcing his head back so he has to look at me.

"Anyone who says you aren't good enough is a prick and you should beat him up." I hate this, trying to figure out what to say. He's staring at me, wide eyes wet, fear and misery etched on his face. "You're fine. We'll do fine, get this place back into shape."

I tuck the blanket around him, keeping his skin from touching mine; it's too great a temptation and I don't think he'll sleep at all if he's touching me all night but I can't bear to send him away. Once he's rolled in tightly, I pull him against my side firmly and ruffle his bangs. "Go to sleep." A shaky nod and he sets his head down, body rigid against mine.

It takes a long time and my faking sleep before he relaxes a bit, breathing evening out as he lays quietly. Finally, his eyes slide closed for the last time and his body eases into unconsciousness, warm and limp against me. Ah, Kira, what did he do to you?


	2. Chapter 2

Hooray, second chapter! Enjoy and review as always! And a shamisen is a guitar like instrument, very pretty and elegant.

Tetsummi

I shove the young men ahead of me, pushing them to the floor. "You have to give Lieutenant Kira the respect he deserves. He's doesn't need your laughter or mockery." I kneel easily to look them over; it would be a shame to lose them, they are both good fighters and able reitsu users.

"Why? He's not a leader, he can't fight, he's just a pretty toy the former Captain pulled from nowhere." The lower ranking men both nod, staring boldly up at me; I have no idea where they got this kind of attitude.

A sword calloused hand runs through thick shaggy hair and I sigh, eyes fixed on the wall. "I'm going to tell you a story and if you still feel that way, I'll put in a transfer for you tonight." Both boys start and begin to protest, falling silent under a hard glare. "We survive by sticking together and supporting him. If you won't, you can go to another division." I hope.

The former Captain would never sign the transfers but maybe this one will; he has a reputation for being a decent man, honest if rough around the edges. Of course, so did our silver-haired traitor Captain before he gained control and look where got us. "How long do you think I've been in this division?" Young heads shake. "Two hundred years. I was here before Ichimaru came, before Kira was even born. One hundred and seventy five years ago, a young Lieutenant was promoted and took his place at our head. He was said to be an excellent fighter, diplomatic, pleasant, a born leader.

And he was. With a nail studded glove. There was a charming young shinigami, just out of the academy. He ranked at fifteenth seat in the first rounds and could have been Lieutenant in a matter of years. A natural fighter, strong, steady, he gave as much as he took and grinned the entire time. He could have gone so far. Just days after the new Captain arrived, Imarin was summoned and vanished into the Captain's room.

We heard him screaming an hour later. We should have helped him, stood against that bastard, but we were all young, inexperienced. How old are you boys, 20? 40? Well, we were about the same, some a bit older, some younger. And cowards, all of us. No matter how he screamed for help, pleaded with us to save him, we stood back and pretended to hear nothing. The other divisions did the same, leaving us to our Captain's mercy. Maybe they felt we should handle it ourselves, maybe they didn't care. Maybe they didn't know. Whatever the reasons, we all looked away.

Three days of continuous torture and the shrieks stopped. Dead silence. We were too terrified to even breath loudly. The Lieutenant then, Kanvis, he tried to get Imarin back. While we stood behind him, he knelt and begged for the boy back, pleaded for him to be returned. And he was. But not. His spirit was long gone, only a shell of flesh left. Even after healing physically, he couldn't call his sword again. It was as if he'd forgotten its name. He killed himself the day he was released from medical confinement."

I pause and look at the boys kneeling before me. They both stare silently at the floor, horrified but still confused about what this has to do with our current Lieutenant. Laying my shame out is hard but they have to understand. "For nearly a century, no one caught his eye. Our numbers remained small, the Captain not bringing many in and not letting anyone leave. Then, a sweet blond arrived. He was shy but loved to laugh, smiling easily once you got past his initial barriers. Not a great fighter but his reitsu control was incredible, attacks always accurate, and a talent for healing; he really belonged in the Fourth Division but ended up here somehow.

You should have seen him, slender but strong, bright blue eyes, full of life and spirit, not bold but steady, aware of himself and others. A gentle touch and delicate control, he played the shamisen like no one I've ever heard, then or since; his voice was soft, the way it is now, but when it rose in song, you could hear it across the compound. His only fault was he was terrified of dying but he always fought if required, desperately.

We tried to keep him out of sight as much as possible, protect him, but he was called anyway. This time, it was worse because we weren't children any more and had no excuse. I was fifth then and banged on the door beside Kanvis but the screaming didn't even slow; no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't break through the barrier Ichimaru set. But, Kira wasn't crying for someone to save him. He screamed for us to leave, to go. I waited, knocking occasionally and sitting outside the door the whole time. Three days again and he fell into my lap, bloody, sobbing but alive.

Not once did he ask to be saved, he never begged us to risk ourselves for him. He almost died from blood loss and shock but he wouldn't let me go, the only thing he asked was I didn't let him die alone. By the time he was healed up, he had changed his mind. He went back, screamed, sobbed, and made a bargain.

The only thing he wanted from me was that I never let him stop. He begged me to help him, to swear to never let him refuse, not for a second. And...And I didn't. I carried him, kicking and screaming to the door day after day, night after night. I dragged him when he clung to things and took his sword when he would have used it against me. Shame is a dangerous thing, it creeps up and eats your soul, forces you down paths you would never acknowledge." That I know all too well. Remembering keeps me up some nights, his sobs echoing in my dreams. My only salvation has always been his sweet soul and gentle touch, his forgiveness.

"But he loved me for it all, quieted when we arrived, straightened his clothes and smiled before disappearing. No matter how he screamed, cried, pleaded, he always smiled and closed the door behind him. And when he stumbled out, or was thrown, I picked him up and carried him back. Every time, no matter how badly he was hurt, he smiled and said thank you. Even when he was promoted to Lieutenant after Kanvis' death, I walked with him and waited unless he told me to leave.

I don't know the details of his deal with Ichimaru, and he would never talk about it, but I know a few things. He traded himself for everyone else, as long as he submitted no one else was ever called, and he wouldn't tell, just let everyone say what they would. At first, it hurt him, to hear the whispers and snickers but with time, it faded, replaced by admiration at his stamina, respect for his love of the team. He knelt between us and that bastard for ninety seven years, protecting us all. He withstood beatings that should have killed him, his body is scarred from whippings he asked be moved from the offender to him, he's lost all feeling from his left shoulder half way down his bicep from Ichimaru stabbing him when he refused to move away from a new recruit who stumbled.

You don't have to love him the way we do or even respect him, but remember he sold his soul so we could be safe and whole. And he's doing it again, so you don't have to. So if you don't feel you can be polite and respectful to him, tell me and I'll have you moved." I brush my pants as I stand, staring down at both pale young men. "If you decide to stay, don't say anything, just bow and obey his commands. Those are the only things he asks of you, the only things any of us will ask of you." There is nothing left to say and I just turn my back and step out of the room, closing the door quietly.


	3. Chapter 3

Kira

Personally, I hate mornings. Sleep is a safe place to be, dark and quiet where nothing hurts and no one is there to harm you; I rarely dream, waking nightmares too vivid to be compared to anything my subconscious could produce. The bed is so warm today, well worth the extra time to snuggle down and be safe a little longer. My blanket is softer than usual and heavier. I must be especially tired. The body beside me is warm and I curl happily into the broad side.

Body? Side? Frantic scrambling nearly sends me over the edge of the bed before a thick arm wraps around my waist and drags me back. Suddenly, the lack of clothes is glaringly apparent and I try to crawl away, shame burning my cheeks and neck. A groan from beside me and a slightly pointed nose nuzzles my ear. "Mm, still early. Go back to sleep."

Sleepy lips move against my neck and I freeze, trying not even to breath. I've never slept with anyone before, only held Tetsummi's hand as I pass out but that hardly counts. This is strange, flesh against flesh, warmth shared and transferred between us. It's more intimate than even the most terrifying torture or the hardest sex. Deep breaths push the short hair at the back of my neck around and the Captain slips back into sleep, arm around my waist.

Slowly, slowly, I edge out and crawl away, careful to take a sheet with me. I have nothing to wear, only the pink kimono and even my battered pride can't handle wandering the halls wearing it in the light of day. I would rather go back naked, or wrapped in a sheet, which is what I fully intend to do. Soft cloth, the empty bottles, and the tray are gathered and I sneak to the door, nudging the corner with my foot, trying to edge it along quietly. It opens abruptly and I stumble forward with a squeak, sending the dishes flying, heavy bottles clattering loudly on the floor, dish shattering at my feet.

A strong arm catches me and I lift my head to stare into my third's face. There is barely time to smile before I'm hauled backwards, a heavier arm around my waist pushing me back towards the bed. "Kira!" A familiar clink of metal and Ikkaku's blade is locked with Tetsummi's, dark eyes fully alert from the sleepy contentment of a moment ago; power arcs between them, dangerous, challenging, and vaguely protective.

"No! Please, sir, I tripped. It was my fault, sir. Please, Tetsummi was only helping me." Even crawling is impossible, tangled in the sheet as I am. All I can do is beg. "Please, please, don't hurt him, please." And clutch at the sheet, keeping it as high as possible, covering as much of my body as I can.

"Well fuck. What were you thinking, slinking out of here with your arms full and half naked?" He doesn't seem very upset as he slides his sword away and sets it back beside the bed. "Come on, up you go." His hands are huge, wrapping around my arms, making them feel like matchsticks. Gentle lifting brings me to my feet and I stand, head down, trembling; he'll definitely hit me now, if not for leaving without permission, then for breaking the dishes.

Nothing happens. A minute passes, then another and still only silence. When I finally look up, the bald man is staring at me, hands on his hips as he examines my skin, eyes drawn to the scars on my upper chest and shoulders particularly. The sheet suddenly seems much too small and I try to hunch my shoulders forward, hide the awful, ugly marks but he keeps staring. As if he's never seen me before, his hands move up to hold my shoulders, dwarfing them and making me feel even more fragile.

I'm not that much shorter then he is but curled like this, he has to lean way down to touch our foreheads together. As hard as I try, a tiny whimper escapes; it seems to break some kind of spell and he pulls back, odd expression on his face. A glance at Tetsummi and I'm released. "Go on. I'll have someone else clean this up."

Without looking back I dart by him and past the older officer. Behind me, I can faintly hear their voices but they dull before the need to hide. When the door shuts behind me, a deep sigh of relief escapes and my feet finally start to hurt. A glance down shows them to be bleeding lightly, little smudges leaving a trail out the door. There is a soft knock at the door and Tetsummi's low voice asking if I'm all right. "Of course. Thank you, Tetsummi. I'm fine." I can heal these tiny wounds myself.

It only takes a moment but I sit for a long time, staring at the door, wrapped in a borrowed sheet. Why didn't he take me, touch me? He could have, I offered so he could even say I wanted to. Why, why, why? I'm so confused, my stomach is churning and I can't stop crying. The tears are so hot; I can't remember the last time I cried, really cried, not just a reaction to physical pain.

This is so hard. Is he taunting me? Trying to lull me into a sense of security before using me? Or will he just throw me away and choose another? No! No, I won't let him. Someone must know what he likes, I have to be able to bring him to me. Yumichika? No, not him. He'll tell the Captain, I know it. Matsumoto, I think they were friendly. She'll help me, I'm sure she's my friend as much as his.

There is laughter in the hall now, young and sweet, ready for a new day and I can't help but smile. My face is still wet, breathing ragged and I'm sitting here grinning like an moron because some children are laughing in the hall. I'm an idiot.

**an hour later**

"Alright, all you little girls line up." The division straggles into place, uneven lines and slouched shoulders. "That is fucking pathetic! What kind of shit are they teaching at that fucking academy anyways? Stand up straight, shoulders back, suck that stomach in you fat pig! Get some decent lines here." The bald Captain grins abruptly and pulls his sword. "Guess you and me are gonna teach these idiots what a straight line is." I want to interfere but he doesn't look angry, even with the yelling.

With Him, you could never tell what He was thinking, feeling. With the new Captain, it seems almost too easy. He's so expressive, wearing his feelings on his face, voice raised in all kinds of emotions, arms flailing around. Always in motion, vibrant.

Pleasure gleams in his eyes as he calls his sword to form; he seems to truly enjoy pulling his weapon. The staff zips along in an arrow straight line, nicking a few men as they dodge, scrambling into a better formation. Again and again to the sound of yelps when someone gets caught until the entire division is standing at attention. "Still pretty shitty but we'll practice later. About face!" The order is bellowed and the entire team whips around as one. "Go!"

Glances are traded and I stepped forward, clearing my throat nervously. "Ah, Captain, sir, go where?" Really, there is nowhere to go.

"What? You pansies don't run laps? Move! Top speed, first one down gets his ass beat and extra laps!" All eyes turn to me as I fight not to tremble from the yelling directly in my face; a quick nod and I turn to jog to the front of the group before breaking into a run, leading easily in a series of laps. At least I'm a good runner.

On the fiftieth lap, one of the younger men starts to fall back and I drop back to run with him, urging him along softly. Another half a dozen laps and we're falling further and further behind. "Kira! Get your ass to the front." Ah! He's yelling right in my ear! The shock makes me stumble a bit but I catch myself, peering over my shoulder to see our new Captain jogging along beside us. "Leave the pussy."

I lick my lips quickly and go back to talking my young team member along, pushing him to keep up, or at least keep moving. When he stumbles, I grab his arm and nearly go flying with him but manage to pull him back up and nudge him along. A hard hand in the middle of my back shoves me forward, trying to force me to abandon him, but I just drop back again. It may not be very smart, but I've put nearly a century into protecting these men and I'm not giving one up on the first day. My voice remains steady, the hand under his arm firm but pushing, keeping us both at a slow jog. "Move it! You have breath to talk, you can run faster. Just leave him. He's useless if he can't even keep up with this group of wusses."

I try to ignore the loud voice in my ear, not an easy feat and am distracted by warm breath on my cheek. The young man stumbles, jerking me to a halt and down to one knee; a firm pull and we're back on our feet, the lower ranking man leaning heavily on my shoulder "Come on, you did well. Let's get you back. You shouldn't just stop anyways." The Captain's anger is rising quickly, his frown deepening by the second but we move forward slowly, short steps and ragged breathing leading the way to the dorm step.

"First one down, Lieutenant. Move." Long bangs move in front of my face and I'm terrified. I don't mean to defy him, not in front of everyone but... But. "Last warning, Kira. Move away." His voice holds rage, hot and beating at my ears, and I remember the last time I defied my leader but it doesn't matter; I just decided this morning to protect them all and I will.

Another stumble and we both hit the ground, dust rising from where our knees touch down. "No. He's just tired. We all are." My team is not useless. My legs are shaking from exhaustion and fear but I force myself up to stand over my charge, shoulders habitually relaxed against the strike that must be coming. Motion is caught from the corner of my eye and I flinch away instinctively, even knowing it will lead to more punishment, a harsher beating. Mostly, I hope it will be put off and not done in public like this. And that he doesn't break anything. I really hope that.

A seemingly huge hand picks me up by the back of my robe and it feels like I'm flying. But not nearly as wonderful and free as truly flying or even a long jump. The brief flight ends harshly when I'm thrown to the ground in the middle of the compound; immediately, I scramble into position, kneeling with my head down, hands folded. He doesn't seem to notice, just glares around and yells for the team's attention. "Hold up. Lieutenant Kira seems to think he knows better than me. Anyone agree with him?" He's glaring at me, hands on his hips and I'm reminded of how big he is, towering over me, muscle bulging from arms that look as big around as my thighs. It would do no good to deny that I want to counter him, to lead, so I remain silent.

Staring at the ground hides some of the fear, though I'm certain he can smell it. Please, please, don't take me here, in the dirt in front of them all. I don't know if I can stand it without screaming, and I do have tiny smudges of pride.

The men are slowing from the bald Captain's yelling and gathering at his beckoning. My bangs are providing the shelter I need to watch them, the smirks on the younger men, worry etched on the older faces. A tiny smile; they never needed to learn to hide the way I did and it's strangely comforting even if it gives Captain Ikkaku a weapon against us. Tetsummi and Hadarame start forward, what they think to do I don't know, but my bangs flick to keep them back. I'm used to this and I can take it, whatever is thrown my way; they are not and might not react properly.

And with this many witnesses on my side, I won't die. That is a comforting thought and I close my eyes, blocking out the sight of thick legs in front of my face. "Stand up. Lift your head. It's pathetic the way you idiots keep staring at the ground. S'a damn disgrace. Don't you have any pride?"

A graceful flex of legs and I flow up to stand, staring straight ahead, arms still relaxed and waiting. A heavy fist flies at my face and I close my eyes; this is going to hurt so very much. It doesn't hit, my bangs flying back from the air pressure. "Aren't you gonna block?" Unwilling tension in my shoulders is forced down. He sounds curious, almost a bit unsure and his voice is low so only I can hear him clearly.

My eyes open and stare at the wide fist, examining the soft looking little hairs, the dark lines of tan and pale white lines where the sun didn't reach. "Do you want me to?" I can't think of why I would want to; blocking will just transfer the strike and increase the likelihood of a severe injury. I've always found my face is the least likely to sustain heavy damage and it's better to be hit there. But, maybe this Captain won't care about that. I don't know what to do.

The fist pulls back and I find myself staring into dark eyes that examine me as if I were a rare and particularly stupid specimen. "What the hell is wrong with you? Of course I do. If you just stand there, you'll die. If someone tries to hit you, you block and hit them back. Someone kicks you, you kick them back." The wide-set eyes pull away and scan the still softly panting team watching them. "That goes for all of you." His head shakes, sun bouncing off the smooth dome. "Alright, pair off. Let's see you fight."

Ikkaku

Fuck. I knew I shouldn't have taken this. Hell, all I ever wanted was to travel with Yume, then to serve under Kenpachi. That's it, nothing more, and here I am watching a bunch of barely trained kids play fight. That one's not even holding his sword strongly enough to withstand a single hit!

Why, why, why? Fucking Yumi. 'Oh, it'll be fun, Ikka! You'll like it! People to do as you tell them, men to train, you like to train, and you can compete with Kenpachi! Of course, you'll never win but you could try!' Fuck you too Yumi. 'It's a great chance to get stronger.' That had been a consideration but still... 'Aaaannnnd, Kira's there.' That was the clincher, really.

The fact that the Captain said I had to only had a little something to do with it. The beating he gave me when I said I didn't want to had a lot more to do with it. But mostly, I wanted to come, to protect him. The thought of having Kira at my beck and call, where I could see him anytime was just too tempting to let pass. Plus, the thought of him falling under someone else, someone who wouldn't treat him right, be gentle and kind to him, was just unacceptable. Still is. Even if he is terrified of me; he's so beaten down I feel sick.

He's watching me from the corner of his eye, taking a break and sitting on the ground beside the, third, I think he said. Big guy, looks passably competent. "Oi, you!" They both jump and cast guilty glances at me; yeah, cause I didn't know you were talking about me. "Get over here." They both hop up and come running to stand in front of me, heads down.

"Yes, sir." It's not even a question, just a statement that they will do whatever I tell them. I can't help but shake my head.

"You," My finger jabs the big man in the chest. "Find the strongest after you. I wanna see what our best look like." A quick nod and he's off, pounding over packed dirt to tap another big guy on the shoulder and whisper to him. "Lieutenant, run the officers by me. Faces, levels and strengths."

Those amazing blue eyes don't even look up, just stare at the ground as he recites all ten officers, pointing a delicate finger to each as he speaks. "Hadarame is the fourth officer, there, speaking to Tetsummi, and he specializes in a wind attack. Tetsummi is third and uses a fire based sword. Then there's me, the Vice-Captain, and those are the officers." He hasn't moved except to shift his finger and his arm drops to his side now.

"Huh." From the short, uninformative, speech, I'll have to find each one and speak to him myself. Either Kira doesn't know their strengths and weaknesses, or he doesn't want to tell me. He keeps showing this solid little backbone and it's confusing; if he's this stubborn and tough, why the hell did he stay? Not like there weren't any options; he could have screamed for help and anyone would have pulled him out. If he had, Ichimaru and Aizen might have been outed sooner, before they could cause so much trouble.

Of course, maybe not, given Aizen's particular ability. Maybe he figured it was too much of a risk. Yume just might be right, not that I'll ever tell him if he is. Conceited little bugger. The only time my pretty Lieutenant has flashed that backbone at me has been in defense of the men, putting himself between me and them. His loyalty is unmatched and I admire that even more than strength.

Silence has fallen and I don't think to break it until the officers appear and kneel, waiting for instruction. I let them, just to see how long it'll take for them to start fidgeting They don't. Long minutes and I'm getting restless but they stay still, heads down, balanced on one knee, swords flat on the ground at their sides. Kira hasn't moved either, standing silently beside me.

I am officially bored. "Alright, you two get out there and show me what you got." Silent nods and they both stand to move to the center of the compound. A soft sound from Kira and I look over to see him watching them carefully, worry in his eyes.

He sees me looking and shutters his gaze immediately, blank mask falling into place. "Sir?"

"What? You wanna say something, do so." Long bangs twitch but he doesn't move otherwise. See? Backbone. "And if you're gonna say it, look up. I can't hear you when you mumble against your chest."

Still silence between us; he's considering my words, thinking carefully before speaking. Half an inch up with his chin, but his eyes remain on the ground. "Sir, would you like for me to call the others back? They might get caught in the backlash."

Huh. I guess, if they're that weak. But it's just a spar. "Do whatever you want." Whatever makes him happy.

"Of course, sir. Thank you, sir." I think I hate that word.

A low bow and he turns away, clear voice ringing over the compound calling anyone not involved to the sidelines. They obey instantly, retreating to the edges of the cleared area; well, at least they listen to him. His hand rises in the air and both fighters bow to him, holding the position for a full ten seconds before turning to face each other, drawing their swords. They're making a big deal out a sparring match.

No time to think about it, the slender arm drops and both men charge silently, the clang of metal on metal ringing. Again and again they clash, pushing at each other, attacking smoothly, as if they've done this thousands of times. "Sir?" The quiet voice takes me by surprise, right beside me. I was concentrating on the fight and must have missed his approach; I nod, not looking back. "Should they release their weapons, sir?"

I do look at that but he's staring at the ground. "Of course. How else will I judge their strength?"

"Of course, sir." Yeah, that word is gonna go. I watch him take a few steps away and raise his arm again. It slashes down as the men break apart again, his voice covering the distance easily. "Release!" Surprising, how loud he can be.

Light flares at both ends of the fight grounds, both swords growing and the spirit energy increase is impressive, even as two parts of a whole. I nod as Kira returns to stand behind me; he's tense and watching the fight carefully. I can feel his power increasing subtly, bit by bit in anticipation. Of what, I have no idea.

My attention returns to the fight as flame whirlwinds in all directions, dispersed by a gust of air. Both men are sweating, swords clashing before they break apart and attack using energy again. The bigger one, the one with the fire, don't remember his name, finally lands a kick, sending his smaller opponent flying. Kira jerks beside me but stays.

The wind user climbs back up and leans on his sword. "I give."

What the fuck! "Hey, nobody gives! Not now, not ever. Ya fight or ya die, win or lose. Only pussies give and I ain't got no pussies in my squad!" And all those language lessons Yumichika gave me went right out the fucking window. Honestly, what the hell do they think we're running here, a fucking carnival? "Get yer ass back out there and fight. Ya can still move and talk shit like fucking surrender, then you can sure the fuck fight!"

"Yes, sir! Sorry, sir!" At least he's got his weapon up again. Fuck, who taught these morons how to fight? Bet they're all out of that damn academy. Most useless thing ever invented, you ask me.

Metal crashes again, the screech of edges loud and I grin. That's what I want to hear. They're both tiring quickly, not much stamina in any of them, but they're fighting decently again, a bit heavy on the energy, lots of fancy techniques being passed back and forth. Have to work on that and...

Kira's shaking beside me, hands tucked into his sleeves but I'm sure they're in fists. The wind user is down again, flat this time and it doesn't look like he'll get up again. That is how you end a spar. I start to grin and beam at them both, the fire user staring at me across the grounds. He looks angry but readies another energy bolt, holding it in his hand, waiting for something. "Sir, please. Hadarame has lost, please allow him to retreat."

My smile drops away instantly. Is he waiting for me to give the order to kill? "Enough." Energy crackles as the bolt is released into the air. A low bow that I acknowledge quickly and the winning fighter kneels to check on his partner.

"Sir, may I please go and assist? I have some light healing ability, if you don't mind." He's so submissive it makes my head hurt; he can't possibly survive like that.

"Look up when you talk me. Go for now. We'll discuss this later." And we will, extensively, and I will find out exactly what they are trained for. It's certainly not battle. Blond hair bows quickly and he nearly runs across the packed ground to help, falling to his knees beside the prostrate man, murmuring quietly.

Looking around me, I think I'm going to be sick later. Not now, not where they can see me, but this is going to hunt my dreams, I already know it. Fear is etched on their faces, burned into the lines around their mouths and eyes, helplessness glares from tense muscles, and I can't help but wonder what they were used for. Entertainment? Couldn't have been often, missing shinigami would be noticed and there hadn't been any suspicious deaths since Yumi and I came here with the Captain.

I'll ask later, when it's just Kira and me. My sweet little Vice-Captain will tell me everything, even if I have to beat it out of him.


	4. Chapter 4

Ok, yeah, I'm really embarrassed right now. I totally forgot about this. Sorry guys, I'll try harder from now on.

god's eye

"Are you guys always that pathetic?" Ikkaku lay back on his bed, beer in hand, loose sleeping pants tied at his waist. Kira sat quietly on the floor, the bottle the older man had pressed on him sitting mostly full beside him. He didn't answer, just watched the lines of fading evening light march across the floor. "Hey, I'm talking to you."

"Yes, sir. I don't know, sir. We didn't really do a lot of training, or fighting." Slender hands lifted the bottle slowly and he took a little sip, more to avoid saying anything than because he liked it.

"Aw, quit with the sir crap. Hate that shit. Ikkaku is fine." A large hand patted the bed. "Come on up here, the floor is uncomfortable."

"Of course, sir." Soft folds in his night clothes smoothed as he rose gracefully and stepped delicately over to sit beside his Captain. He was prodded immediately and lay down on his stomach, bottle balanced against the pillow.

"Fuck, you're so formal. Relax, we're buddies, aren't we? Have another drink."

"Of course, sir." A groan of frustration and a heavy arm pressed him into the mattress

The slim back tensed but relaxed immediately; deep relaxing breaths were taken and he chugged most of his beer back, hoping it would help him calm down. It didn't. Every movement of the limb had him tensing again and forcing himself to relax. "So, when was the last time there was an exhibition sparring match?"

The lean back tensed up immediately and didn't relax this time. "I don't remember, sir."

"Don't lie." Strong fingers flexed against the soft cloth of the blond's uniform, gently threatening.

"I'm sorry, sir, I don't remember. About, thirty years ago, right before the second last group of recruits joined. I think. I could check the records for a more exact date, sir." Kira tried not to curl into a ball; he knew the Captain hadn't been pleased by the match, even if he had been smiling. 'Please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me.' A useless, continuous loop made him feel even more the coward.

Ikkaku hummed and ran his fingers over the dark cloth, pressing each rib lightly. 'He's so damn skinny.' The bald man watched as a few sips of beer were taken and grinned at the faint grimaces after each one. "What do you like to drink?"

"Sir? I don't really like any type of alcohol." More specifically, he hadn't been allowed to have any type of alcohol and wouldn't know the difference. He and Matsumoto had been drinking but it was the cheapest, strongest crap they could get, so they would forget everything. The blond hadn't had anything since then or for decades before.

Ikkaku snorted and patted the younger man's left shoulder, then frowned when he didn't even flinch away like he usually did. "You must like something. Do you like sweet things?" Not that he wasn't curious but it was much more interesting to run his finger around in little circles and see how far he could go before the blond noticed. Pale skin was warm through the cloth and a strong finger edged under the collar to touch lightly; still no reaction.

Kira lay quietly, propped on his elbows and sipping his drink slowly. It was a heavy taste, slightly sour, and he couldn't think of anything he'd ever eaten that was more disgusting. "Yes, sir. I don't mind sweet things." Silence as his shirt moved a bit, the collar tightening slightly but he couldn't feel the rubbing hand anymore; the Captain must have it on his shoulder. To stave off the vaguely uncomfortable feeling of not knowing where he was being touched, he kept talking, hoping to fill the void. "I, ah, I like spicy foods." There was a shift against his back and cool air moved over his upper back. "S,s,sir?"

"Just a sec. Hold still." Pale skin that he'd thought would be smooth and delicate was anything but; thin scars crisscrossed, standing out brightly and the superior officer trailed a fingertip over them, tracing lightly. He'd seen the scars on the blond's stomach and chest but for some reason he'd imagined that would be all. Partway over the left shoulder blade, the blond started, as if he'd just felt the touch. Dark eyes narrowed. "Kira, where is my hand?"

"A,about six inches to the right of my shoulder, sir." Heat was searing into his skin, the edges of severed nerves especially sensitive after the complete deprivation of sensation an inch over. It vanished, leaving a fading warmth and growing fear in its wake.

"And now?" Ikkaku lifted his hand away.

The blond closed his eyes and guessed. "Two, two inches to the left, sir." Air became difficult to obtain in the silence. 'I'm wrong, I'm wrong Don't be angry.'

The hand was back, wrapped around the slender waist and turning him over to lay on his back, looking up blankly. "Kira, you will not lie to me. Ever. No matter what." Wide blue stared up, slender hands clenched in fists in the edges of his shirt. "Could you feel me touching you at all?"

Red rushed through pale cheeks and the blond tried to look away, shake his bangs into place, anything. Cold glass touched his forehead, holding him still, condensation running down his face and over his nose. "No, sir. I can't." Shame at his weakness colored his face further, pink moving down his neck to spread over the thin chest.

'Don't be scared of me!' It was hard not to just shake his subordinate but the bald man controlled himself. The bottle was removed, the water wiped away gently. "Aw, go to sleep. We're gonna whip this ridiculous division into shape tomorrow." His pretty Lieutenant was just getting upset and that wouldn't do him any good. He's meant to question him about the sparring match from earlier but... he was so small and shy and so obviously didn't want to talk.

The slender man rolled to his side, dropped his near-empty bottle to sit neatly beside the base of the bed, and tried not to tense up again when the strong arm pulled him back to fit into the curve of the larger body. Matsumoto had been incredibly unhelpful during his visit, only saying that Ikkaku was a good man and to trust him; not very useful for getting someone to bed you. Swallowing came from behind him and the bottle was thrown across the room to rebound off the wall with a clink before the bed bounced as the bald man shifted around and eased into sleep, soft snores moving the short hair.

After a few minutes, the blond tried to untangle himself and was yanked back, his name murmured before he was dragged across the wide chest, both arms clutching him close. His shoulders slumped and he lay his head down, listening to the smooth breathing. Sleep covered him like a blanket and he nodded off against the warmth.

Hard to be scared when warm arms cuddle you close and soft snores move your hair back and forth.

1234567890

Morning was a repeat of the previous day; yelling, insults, forcing the team into straight lines, running until they dropped then sword practice. The little blond trailed along behind his leader, demonstrating for the younger men and sparring with the older. Glances were flicked at him but he continued following, reinforcing the former Eleventh Division man's commands with his presence.

He was finally called over by Tetsummi and slipped away from the Captain while he yelled at some of the younger men. "Are you alright?"

Pink flushed the blond's face at the unusually blunt question. "Yes, thank you, Tetsummi. Everything is fine."

His larger subordinate looked away, staring across the grounds. "You didn't come back last night either. We were worried."

Kira smiled and patted a thick arm. "Thank you. I'm sorry I made you worry. He's been... very kind to us. We're lucky to have him as our Captain."

"Fucking right. Now move your asses." They both jumped and leapt to attention. "Lieutenant, to me. You, lead those idiots in some basic maneuvers. Try to teach them something other than how to cut their own heads off."

"Yes sir!" The large brunet turned sharply and headed off to collect his new charges.

"Who is that again?" A wide blue eye looked up at the rough tone, harsher than usual and the blond swallowed.

A nervous hand ran through his bangs, arranging them more clearly. "Ah, that's Tetsummi, he's our third." There was a low grunt and Ikkaku stomped off. Kira followed, frowning slightly; if he didn't know better, he'd think the bald man was jealous. But that couldn't be, no one would be jealous over him. The thought was shrugged off and he trotted away to help lead sparring sessions.

Ikkaku

That little brat. After keeping me up half the damn night with his jumping every time I breath, he just bounces over there and snuggles right up to, to, whoever that asshole was. Titty something. Who cares? That is _my _Kira, I just got him and I'm sure the fuck not giving him up!

He's looking at me, little darting glances as he spars, watching me watch him. He's so gorgeous, so far out of my league. Maybe it's me, maybe he just doesn't like me. Huh. That hadn't really occurred to me. I thought he was just scared because of his traitor of an ex-Captain, but maybe it's me. But he doesn't seem to have anyone else, and I've been watching him for years, decades even. Yume keeps calling me a stalker but I'm not, really. I was just concerned and now he's right fucking there, how can I not watch him?

I must have gotten lost in my thoughts because suddenly there's a lot of noise from Kira's area and I jog over to see him laying on his back, gasping for air. "What the fuck?" There is a smirk on his partner's face but it fades under my glare. Soft coughing from the ground and I move to help him up.

Another hand reaches for him first and what's his name is there, lifting him up and brushing him off, asking quietly if he is alright. "Yes, thank you, Tetsummi. I'm fine. The reitsu attack just caught me by surprise." That gentle smile that hides so much flashes.

The rage is nearly uncontrollable. "So. You wanna spar with reitsu as well as swords?" The young man cowers satisfactorily. "Well, why don't you come spar with me? I could use a punching bag. I'll even limit myself to not releasing my sword. What do you say?" A wide grin and I'm sure I'm flashing little fangs.

"Oh, sir. He's very new, sir, I'm sure he didn't realize we were only sparring with our swords. No harm done. A more experienced opponent would be much more amusing for you." Those guileless eyes are staring up at me, thin lips tilted adorably, all open and helpful, the perfect image of being eager to please, but tension is high in his shoulders, and there is a hint of tightness around his eyes. "If you like, I'm sure Tetsummi would partner you, or one of our other officers."

I take a minute to look him over, taking in all the tiny fidgeting he probably thinks he doesn't do. His body is mostly still, fingers resting on his thighs, toes relaxed, but the muscles in his thighs are moving, his stomach is flexing continuously, his chest jerks unsteadily out of sync with his breathing. All very subtle, unnoticeable to anyone who isn't looking as carefully as I am. "Perhaps you're right. Come, draw your weapon."

If he's so determined that I not fight the boy, I won't. For now. Slender fingers have curled into fists and his mouth is moving silently. "Sir? Me?" Red blooms suddenly in his cheeks and he shifts his gaze to the ground; it's only after he does that I realize he was looking me in the eye. Damn. "Ah, sir, I don't think, you might not," His shoulders are hunched again and he's trying to stare a hole through my sandals.

"Come. Call your sword. I haven't seen it." Which is true, I can't recall a single time Kira has called his sword to fight. I've heard that it looks odd but I've never been around to see it. "Come on, let's go." Space is clearing around us while he hesitates, looking at each of his officers uncertainly.

Oh no, they won't help you now. Come on, Kira. Show me how beautiful you are flushed with battle. Fuck, I'm getting sappy now that he's around all the time. Yume was right, I am gross. But he's pulling his weapon, holding it uncertainly in one hand, eyes down. "Houzukimaru, extend." A start and my little blond Lieutenant raises his sword, holding it in front of himself defensively.

I wait another minute but he says nothing, just stares at me, fear hidden in those deep eyes. Well, fine, I can give him time later. A light jab is deflected and he charges, silent except for the soft thud of his feet. His strike is simple to shove to the side and I resist the urge to grope him on his way by; I don't want to embarrass him, I just want to give him a boost. My turn to attack and I swing my staff over my head. "Split." Chains clink as Houzukimaru shoots towards him, blade gleaming.

Suddenly, he's gone and appears a few feet away; a flash step. Not bad, I wasn't aware he knew that particular move. Well, hell, no point in going easy. A flick of my wrist sends the blade at the end of the chains spinning towards him and it is deflected only for the center to strike him across the chest. The force sends him stumbling back and he takes to the air, leaping backwards, floating to the ground. Hard eyes watch me from his retreat, considering.

Huh. He doesn't want to show me. I wonder... "Go, Houzukimaru!" The staff extends again, reaching for him and I'm ready when he vanishes, a twitch of his hand giving his direction away. When he appears again, the blade at the end of my weapon is there to meet him, forcing him back to the air; I laugh softly and his gaze darts to my face, the fear nearly making me stop. No, I want him to fight back just once, learn I won't punish him for protecting himself.

The rush of pushing an opponent lights my eyes, a battle grin stretching my face and he looks even more afraid, if that's even possible. Our audience moves further back; I'd nearly forgotten about them. My spear is streaming through the air, pieces extending to slide past the blond's shoulder and a flick brings it around, trapping his arms at his side. "Call your sword!" The ground shakes under the force as he slams into it, coughing and struggling to breathe.

Houzukimaru returns to my hand and lays quietly across my shoulders while we wait. I can hear his voice whispering in my head, demanding to play with our new Lieutenant. Patience, patience, let him call his weapon and we'll play until we can no longer stand. He's standing now, sword held horizontally in front of him, shaking just a bit as he presses his palm to the tip. "Wabisuki, show your face."

Soft light and the form warps, lengthening and twisting into, I don't know what that is. A partial square maybe, three sides at right angles. The outer edge looks flat and as he drops it to his side, I see the cutting edge is on the inside. I'm frowning slightly, though I don't mean to. What possible good could that be? Big blue eyes are staring at the ground again, thin shoulders forward. The spirit pressure hasn't changed radically after the initial flare, no sharp increase as nearly everyone does when they call their Shikai form but no decrease either, as if he were subduing his energy.

A snicker is cut short from behind me, a quick slap of flesh on flesh following. Good, I don't want to deal with that right now. There must be something that makes it strong, strong enough to hold the Vice Captain's position. I don't care what anyone says, Ichimaru was no one's fool and he would never promote a weak Lieutenant, toy or otherwise. I raise my spear, little red tail fluttering defiantly.

His eyes are cold now, tension tight around them but his arms and shoulders are loose, ready to attack or defend; ready to fight. Good stance, a solid base, not bad. This could be fun. A yell and I charge, stabbing quickly with the flat blade, making the blond dodge quickly, defending himself with fast little taps of weapons.

I get a few slices in, nicking his clothes and the tip of my blade catches on his belt, tearing it away. A squeak and he's stumbling backwards, hand over where the white cloth was; he's not wearing a hakama? I noticed it when I first arrived but it didn't seem a big deal; something else to put on the 'to ask' list. Pale skin flashes between his fingers and at the edges of his pants all around the waist; the hem of a shirt is slipping out of the waistband. I pull back, frowning at him while his cheeks heat and he looks away, fingers curling tightly in his shirt to hold it down. Is he hiding the rings? I can feel my cheeks flushing a bit and wave for him to retrieve his belt, which he scrambles to do, tying it quickly in place over his shirt.

As soon as it's tied, he raises his sword again, ready to continue. A quick nod and he attacks, pressing closely to land a hit on the first part of my staff and two to the center before retreating; I let him without striking, just to see what will happen. Interesting technique but not real effective. It doesn't slow me down, incapacitate me, or even defend very well. I take the offensive and attack quickly again, careful not to catch his belt again; he defends with more little taps, barely enough to keep me from hitting him.

Not much force but my aim is off, something has changed. The short chains aren't responding as they would normally, each section just a little out of position with the next, and I snap it back into place without attacking, not willing to risk misjudging. My eyes narrow; he's changing my weapon, it feels heavier. Significantly heavier now that I heft it, testing the theory. Normally, it takes no effort to raise my spear or to use my wrist to move the sections as required but now my arm is feeling it, steady pressure as if a weight is tied to the blade. "Well, interesting. But can you beat me with that?"

Surprise flickers and his eyes lose their cold focus, startled by my voice. Or perhaps it's my words. I doubt he's had much in the way of praise. Doubt shows for a second before it is shoved away. What are the limits? Does it change every time he hits my weapon or does he have to choose a time? Does it work against anything other than a sword? Like me? May as well test it.

The charge startles him, sending him scrambling backwards, trying to escape. A flash step, left by the spasm in his free hand and I'm there, a firm hand tangled in his top, holding him still. Wabisuki hits my leg, then my side and he struggles, panicked now, tiny whimpers escaping, apologies running together. The sudden weight change sends me stumbling and we fall; rolling is impossible and we end up in a heap on the ground, me half in his lap, face pressed to his stomach. Well, at least I got an answer.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! Please, please, I'm sorry!" He's nearly crying and I push against the ground, getting used to the change.

"Why? You did good." Heavy, heavy, heavy, this is worse than lugging lazy Yumi's luggage all over the fucking country; yes, I did do that, though why I have no idea. By the pressure on my arms, I'd say I'm looking at three hundred pounds and I'm only lifting my shoulders. Shit.

I can barely get up enough to push over and roll off him and still need an extra shove to get all the way over to pant on the ground. "Come here." Blue eyes are still dry but barely. A smile, proud and happy and he tries to smile back, uncertain. "Good job. You fought great. You'll have to tell me about it later. For now, can you change it back?" Blond bangs shake and I can make out the scars on his eyelid when he closes his eyes. "How long?"

"Half an hour. At least." Thin shoulders are shaking so hard I'm surprised his teeth aren't chattering. Ah, dammit, he thinks I'll punish him after, when I'm back to normal. His voice drops to a whisper. "I'm so sorry. I know I'm not allowed but you said and I didn't want to but you _said _and"

"Oi, enough. You can always use your sword. It belongs to you and using it is your choice. No one can tell you whether to use it or not. But if you don't, you have to expect to get your ass kicked." A low whimper and I wish I could ruffle his bangs and tell him he's a good kid. "You did very well and I'm extremely pleased." Yes, I do know big words like that and how to use them; by the look on his face, he didn't think so. "Now quiet down, sit there and amuse me until I can move again."

"Ye, yes sir." I can vaguely make out the sounds of practice beginning around us again but they are ignored in favor of listening to my pretty blond babble about how nice the weather is.

Kira

I can't believe he made me call Wabisuki. I didn't mean to use her against him like that but he grabbed me and I was so scared. I thought he was going to beat me for sure and that spear of his looked like it would hurt a hell of a lot when he brought it down on me. But, he didn't, he was smiling of all things. He said he was pleased.

I just don't understand.

He said I could use my sword whenever I wanted but I'm not allowed to draw my weapon. Or, I should say, I wasn't allowed. What should I do? I'm babbling about how pretty the sky is and whether or not it will rain tonight. I don't know what to say.

His fingers are moving, lifting slowly and starting to wiggle, fighting the extra weight. So strong, his body must weight at least seven hundred pounds, he's not a light man in the first place and I hit him twice. But he keeps breathing, talking even, and he lifted himself off of me. I feel like crying again. Even after I was so awful and hit him, he still tried to protect me, knowing I wouldn't be able to hold that much weight.

"Sir?" He glances up at me, turning his eyes from the sky as he flexes, working movement back into his limbs. "Why, please sir, will you tell me why you didn't beat me?" Because he could have, easily, I could never fool myself into thinking I won on my own. His physical power alone could have obliterated any defense I set up, never mind his spiritual power.

"Because I didn't need to. You fought well and I'm pleased with your abilities. What good would wiping the ground with you have done?" He's staring at me, piercing eyes watching my reaction as I stare back down.

A tiny smile, because I'm glad he's pleased with me, and I go back to talking about the weather. He is so kind, I don't know what to think. "Hey, Kira." I must have stopped talking and I glance down to see him staring at the sky. "What do you want?"

"I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand" What is he talking about? What do I want? I'm frowning down at him but he just keeps staring at the sky, ignoring my confusion.

A low sigh. "You won, what do you want?" As in, a reward? I just blink. I don't understand, I get a prize? What kind? My silence is bothering him and he grunts as he forces himself to sit, pushing with both arms. "You can have anything I can give you, so what do you want?"

I, I don't know. Anything? I could have anything? Could I, ask to be transfered? But then I would have to leave the men behind and there's no guarantee anywhere else would be better. A promise, that he won't hurt any of us? But he would be the one to decide if he kept it or not. What could I ask for? "I don't know, sir." Honesty is a good thing but he's looking at me as if I've appeared beside him for the first time. I feel my shoulders curve and look at the ground beside my knees. "Please don't be angry."

He sighs again and a heavy hand lands on my head, weighing it down slightly. "Quit being so scared of me. I'm not going to hit you every time you breathe." Faint trembling and he ruffles my bangs before crawling to his feet. A bit unsteady, the effects of our little battle still pushing him down but he grins and reaches down to take my hand, pulling me to my feet.

I'm waved away and collect Wabisuki before turning to help with some sparring. As I walk away, it occurs to me that he never once dropped his weapon; I peek over my shoulder but he's already moved on, yelling at a pair dancing around each other. His voice echoes but it's not as terrifying as it was yesterday.

Scary.


	5. Chapter 5

**Next evening**

Kira

"Kira! Where the fuck are you?" The tray nearly drops from my hands and I start to run. I must be late.

Careful not to spill, I slide around the corner and kneel at the door, knocking gently. "Sir, I'm sorry! I was slow, please forgive me." There's a crash as the door slams open and I'm lifted by the front of my top and dragged over to be set on the desk. Supper is a mess, the tray tipped over at the door and he's leaning over me, hands on either side of my hips. "S, s, sir?"

He sounds angry but he doesn't look upset. Intense, his eyes bore into me, making me fidget but keeping me staring straight at him. "Do you know how to say no?"

"Sir?" His eyes narrow and I answer quickly. "Yes, sir." As quickly as the annoyance appeared, it vanishes under a twitch of lips and a raised brow. It strikes me as a bit funny too and I bite my lip shyly. "Ah, I, I mean, no, sir." That seems to be even funnier and he starts to laugh, forehead pressed to mine, warm breath washing over my lips.

"Why, Kira, is MY Lieutenant doing paperwork for the Eleventh Division?" Oh, that. I didn't mean to, but Yachiru appeared yesterday afternoon and dumped it in my arms before taking off. She didn't even have a bodyguard with her and I couldn't just throw it away.

Red flushes my cheeks and I try to look away but he just pushes his forehead against mine harder, forcing me to stay in place. "I, I meant to send it back. I, I just, I didn't mean to do it. It got mixed in with my things and I signed it by accident." But, why was he going through my desk? It feels like a very intimate thing to do and I don't like it. I only have two places that were mine, my desk and my room, and he was riffling through one of them.

"Uh huh. Don't let it happen again. If that brat shows up, send her home. With her papers." He doesn't seem to notice the tension in my shoulders and I relax them forcibly. He is correct, of course, I have no right to expect privacy but it is still hard to accept. A step back and I'm released. "Come on, we're going over to the Eleventh for supper tonight. Forgot to tell you."

"To, tonight? Now?" But, but, what do I need to take? We need something to present to Captain Kenpachi and something for Lieutenant Yachiru, not to mention we should take something for Yumichika, since he is the Captain's friend and sure to be there. No time, maybe the kitchen will have something, there must be...

"Yep, now. Let's go." He has a hold of my hand and he's pulling me out the door and down the hall, heels dragging. "Come on, keep up."

"Sir, please! We need to take something with us!"

"Why?" We're at the outside door and I grab the frame, clinging as strongly as I can; a jolt up my arm and the bald man stops, staring at me over his shoulder "It's just the Captain, the brat and Yume. No big deal."

My lips are suddenly dry and I swallow before speaking. "Sir, we should be polite and take something for them." A firm nod to reinforce my stand and he's staring at me. "Really, it won't take long." While I argue my case, I'm thinking of possibilities; there are some colored pencils in my room that I haven't had time to get out of the package yet and a scarf _He _gave me that I could never wear. "Captain, what would Captain Kenpachi like?" Because the closest I've ever gotten to him has been across the meeting hall.

Ikkaku is frowning at me, still holding my hand as if he wants to just yank me along after him. I can't tell what he's thinking but he finally releases me. "Go on, hurry up." A sigh of relief and I dart away, running to dig through my closet. There's a piece of blue ribbon I was saving but it'll have to do for now. A quick bow around each gift before I change into a nicer outfit, call for Tetsummi to clean up the Captain's room, grab the errant files, and run back to the door.

The Captain is waiting for me, a large bottle of what appears to be beer in his hand and I can't help smiling at him. He looks almost startled, then grins slowly back at me, reaching for my hand. His hand is huge, wrapping easily around mine, my fingers looking like a child's compared to his. But he's gentle, a warm presence around me and I follow along, quick steps required to keep up with his longer stride.

We must look ridiculous but he doesn't seem to notice the people we pass staring. My cheeks burn at the attention but the Eleventh barracks is coming into view, Yumichika at the door. A quick wave and he disappears back inside, the sound of voices getting louder as we hit the steps. I stop in the entrance, suddenly feeling very awkward. The Captain just hauls me along, pulling me forward to stumble across the threshold.

Captain Kenpachi is lounging at the head of the small table, Lieutenant Yachiru bouncing around him, crawling over his shoulders. As soon as she sees us, she comes racing along to climb Ikkaku and flop over his head. "Pachinko!"

"You damn brat! Get off!" Brilliant laughter and she slides away, heading for me. Alarm rushes through me as she attaches herself to my leg.

"What do you got? Is it for me? Gimme!" A small hand reaches for the packages and I lift them higher, not sure what else to do. Bright eyes narrow and a low growl makes me nervous.

Yumichika saves me, lifting her by the back of her uniform. "Lieutenant, if it is for you, I'm sure Lieutenant Kira will give it to you in time."

"Ah, yes, of course. Lieutenant, this is for you. I hope you'll enjoy them." The files go flying as the package is shredded, my precious little ribbon scattered around in bits of confetti. "Yumichika, we also brought a gift for you. Thank you for having us."

Delicate hands unwrap the parcel carefully, setting paper and ribbon aside. "It's so pretty! Captain, look! Isn't it just perfect for me?" He's smiling, holding it against his chest, admiring the bright colors. "Where ever did you get it?"

"It's just something I've had sitting in my closet for a while." Fifty years to be exact. "I thought it would suit you."

"It's perfect!" He moves quickly, too fast for me to dodge, and drapes himself over my shoulders in an enthusiastic hug. "Thank you!"

What do I do? He's bouncing around, rubbing against me and the Captain is glaring. A gentle pat on the back seems to be enough for him and he bounces off to sit and show his new scarf to a very disinterested Kenpachi. Ikkaku is patting the floor beside him and I kneel, hands folded properly. Yachiru makes the most noise, running around the room until Yumichika grabs her and tells her to sit still.

Then, she shovels food into her mouth and talks quickly, babbling on about her day and what she plans for tomorrow. No one seems bothered by her manners and I eat quietly while the two Captains talk. My name brings my attention back to the conversation. "And Kira is not your secretary. I was going through his desk when I found those files. Do your own work, he has enough."

"Ikka! You went through Kira's desk?" Yumichika looks positively horrified. "You are so rude!"

"What? I was missing this file and thought he had it. Nothing wrong with that."

"A person's desk is a private place. You can't just riffle through it!" Captain Ikkaku sputters at being reprimanded.

Yachiru jumps up and crawls over to stare into his eyes. "Yeah, it's rude to touch other people's things! Ken-chan never touches my desk!"

"Fuck, you guys, it's not a big deal. Kira didn't mind, did you?" They're all staring at me and my cheeks burn.

Long bangs hide my face while I stare at the floor. "Of course not. Captain Ikkaku is free to do anything he pleases." The proper response but everyone goes silent; when I look up, they're still staring at me. Did I say something wrong?

Captain Kenpachi just looks away and Yachiru climbs over to sit in his lap, quiet for a change. She clings to his uniform, small hands wrapped in the dark cloth, her face pressed to his chest while he pats her head. Captain Ikkaku's face is turning red and I look at the floor again. He's angry now but I really don't know why. I said the right thing, didn't I? "Kira." He sounds so disappointed in me.

I don't know how to respond so I say nothing, just stare at the floor and wait for him to say something else. There's a rustle of cloth and suddenly a big hand is on the back of my neck. "Come." I'm pulled to my feet and he starts to push me to the door.

What did I do? Yumichika makes a soft sound of protest and starts to stand only to be waved back. "Mind your own business, Yume." He's dragging me now, my feet can't keep up and I stumble, nearly falling into his back. A brief pause while he lifts me over his shoulder and we're moving down the street quickly, long strides eating the distance between barracks.

Panic is choking me, all I can do is apologize. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I don't know why or what I've done but it doesn't matter, he's so angry I can feel it rolling off him.

"Shut up." His hand moves from my thighs to slap me softly on the ass as he stomps through the door to his room. "Just shut up."

Ikkaku

Shit. How did it get this bad? The absolute hopelessness in his voice when he said I could do as I liked was the most horrifying thing I've ever heard. I doubt he even knows it was there. Yume was on the verge of sympathetic tears and even the irrepressible Yachiru was affected, hiding for the first time since I've met her. And he looked so confused, he doesn't even know what's wrong

He's crying, huddled where I dropped him on the bed, sobbing apologies and trying to hide behind his sleeves. I reach out to touch his hair but stop when he lets out a broken whimper. My palm runs over my head while I stare at the wall. He's so afraid, terrified, and of me. No one should be that scared. What do I say? I've always been bad with words and prefer action but he's too delicate, too close to breaking.

Ok, just calm down, he thinks you're mad at him. "Kira." Even his name sends him flinching away, scooting backwards to press against the wall. "Kira, look at me." I kneel beside the bed and grab his ankle, tugging gently to bring him close enough to wrap my arms around him. Screw Yume and his advice; it hasn't worked yet. Yes, it's only been two days, but I've never been real patient.

"Stop crying, I'm not mad at you. I won't hurt you." He isn't struggling, just sitting there, tears streaming down his face and ragged heaves as his breathing. "Calm down. You're ok." I press his head down on my shoulder, hair soft under my fingers, and let him cry himself quiet.

Finally, he stops and lays silently, pressed against me, slender hands curled in my uniform collar. When I pull back, his face is bright red, his eyes are swollen, and I still think he looks adorable at the same time as I hope I never seen this face again. Long bangs are irresistible and I pet them slowly, tucking them behind his ears.

His head shakes, trying to get them free again but I insist, tucking them back again. "Leave them. It's alright." Pink lips are trembling, as if he wants to speak but can't. "Just for a bit." He is released and I stand, nudging him over so I can sit and pull him into my lap. "Kira, I'm not mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong." Get that out of the way. "I'm pissed as fuck with that bastard who taught you that you don't have any rights."

That startles him and he looks up, eyes bluer than usual against the red. "You do. I didn't realize you would care if I went through your desk, because I wouldn't care. I'm sorry. As an apology, I want you to choose something and I'll give it to you." There's a little choked sound but he doesn't look away, eyes wide, shock clear in every line of his face. I don't imagine he has had many apologies given to him. "If you don't like something, say so. I don't have the right to do whatever I want, to you or anyone else, just because I'm Captain here."

A moment of silence before he pushes back a bit. "Ca, Captain, sir?"

He hasn't looked up, eyes fastened on my throat, face still a bit damp. "Yes, Kira." Now that the crying is done, he's back in control, the pleasant, blank little mask firmly in place.

"Can, can I ask for s, something?" My eyes close; finally, there's a spark of spirit.

I can't help the tiny smile that tips my lips but it makes him more shy and his back curves. "Go ahead. Anything you want."

"I, please, sir, I want," He's stuttering so badly I can barely understand. "Please, call only me." I frown at him and he cringes away, inadvertently pressing more deeply into my arms. "T,t,to yo, your rooms. P, please, s,s,sir."

My frown deepens. "Why would I call anyone else?" Thin shoulders jerk against me but he says nothing. "Well, alright. You still have a request. Would you like to use it now?" Big eyes flash up to my face and away, pink tinging his cheeks.

Long fingers fiddle idly with my belt, flipping the loose ends together and apart. "I, I don'twantyouinmyroom." It takes a minute to decipher that. He doesn't want me in his room? Why would he feel that he has to ask that?

"If that's what you want, then I swear not to enter your room." He seems happy with that, shoulders relaxing and he leans against me, head tipping to my shoulder on its own. He's so lovely and perfect, curled in my lap and I squeeze just a little, cuddling him carefully. A soft murmur before his eyes start to close; he's worn himself out, crying so much. A moment of struggling against sleep, tension in his shoulders and hands, a bit of wiggling against my hold on him. Exhaustion is on my side tonight and he dozes off, warm in my arms.

When he wakes, he'll be back to being shy and afraid, but for now, this is pretty damn nice.

Kira

I hurt. Everything hurts. But I'm alone, wrapped in blanket and tucked into bed. Slow, slow, take it easy, you've had enough of these nights to know what to do. There's a glass of water beside the bed and I drink it quickly, cool liquid soothing my throat and helping the headache. When I run my hands over my body, checking for bleeding, there isn't a mark on me, not even a bruise. Didn't I...?

No, there was no punishment. The Captain just carried me back here and, oh no. I cried all over him, begged and whined, was a coward of the first degree. If he didn't think I was useless before, he certainly does now. But he was so gentle and apologized, was so kind to me. My face is hot under my hands. What should I do? A dry sob is muffled quickly. I will not cry anymore.

The room is well lit, sunlight shining through the window and I suddenly realize I've missed morning practice. Quick movement sends me stumbling from the headache that returns vengefully. The side table provides support and a little sheet of paper falls to the side, drifting to the floor. Damn, where was that sitting? I have to put it back in the right place or he'll think I was reading it.

My name catches my attention and indecision makes the sheet tremble in my hand; if it's about me, I should be able to read it, right? And, if I've already moved it by accident, I might be punished anyways, whether or not I read it. Yes, I'm going to.

'Kira, Stay in bed this morning, you won't feel that good. What's his name will bring you lunch and if you feel better, you can get up then. When you do, come find me in the exhibition hall. Ikkaku.'

It's for me? Go find him in the exhibition hall? What is he doing there? But, but what am I supposed to do all morning? There are at least two hours until lunch time and I'll never get back to sleep, not after that exhausted sleep last night. A knock at the door breaks through my thoughts. "Yes?"

"Lieutenant Kira, Captain Ikkaku has requested that a meal be brought to you." Tetsummi! My headache is ignored in favor of rushing over to fling the door open. I can always count on him to know my needs and I'm happy he thought to come early, knowing I would be up. "Lieutenant! Are you alright?"

His concern washes over me, the respect and love of a friend exactly what I need. "Yes, Tetsummi. Come in." The tray looks wonderful and I can barely keep from attacking it until it's set down on the table.

The fruit is gone almost instantly and the toast follows. I haven't been this hungry in years! My third is staring at me. "Sir?" I have to smile at that, the formality that Tetsummi insists on keeping between us, a shield to _Him_disallowing our association. A giggle slips out. My best friend is the one who can show it the least. "Kira, please. What happened?"

My head cocks, mouth still full. He must be very worried, Tetsummi almost never asks for details. I swallow quickly and smile. "Nothing. The Captain was very kind." He doesn't believe me and I shake my head. "Would you like to examine me? I'm fine." For a second, I think he might take me up on my offer, made mostly in jest, but he shakes his head, thick hair flying.

"Of course not. Your word is always good enough for me, Kira." I just nod and keep eating. The tray is mostly empty but I'm still hungry.

"Tetsummi, will you get me some fresh clothes, please? I'm going to have a quick bath and we'll go find something else to eat." My friend stands immediately and picks up the empty tray before leaving without a word but he'll be back in a few minutes.

Quickly, I dart down the hall to the bath room and lock the door after checking to make sure it's empty. Hot water is delicious over my skin and I wash quickly with softly scented soap, scrubbing my hair carefully and running my hands over the many scars briefly. While I'm thankful I haven't added to them lately, I can't help but wonder when I will next. Will I say the wrong thing or move something I'm not supposed to touch? Will one of the men stumble or cause trouble? Will he simply come back in a bad mood and need a distraction?

Tetsummi is back already, knocking quietly and I rinse quickly before wrapping a towel loosely under my arms. The lock clicks open and I'm staring at a trio of new men. The door slams shut under my hand but I still feel their eyes on me, taking in the stark scars, white even against my pale skin; when I look down at myself, I can see the glint of gold at my left nipple and realize the towel had slipped in my shock.

No, no, please let them not have noticed. I can hear the laughter through the door; they did. Scalding tears hotter than the bath water slide over my face as I sink to the floor. Tile is cold through the towel, the chill seeping into my soul as I sit and cry, muffling the screams against the flesh of my arm. They are right, I'm a joke, just a toy for the Captain to amuse himself with for a bit. How conceited, that I should think he might like me just a bit, that his apology from last night might be sincere.

They are gone by the time Tetsummi returns and my tears have long dried, all traces washed away. I'm too worn to wonder what took him so long and ignore his questioning glances as he hands me my clothes and brushes my hair, an old habit. Knots love my unruly bangs and are a literal pain to get out unless picked patiently and gently.

My appetite is gone now and I return to the Captain's room to wait quietly, a note sent with Tetsummi to inform our leader I won't be joining him. I hope it isn't important and he doesn't mind if I stay here. The bed is warm and I curl in a ball, hugging a pillow tightly. It smells like the Captain and I breathe it in, a slightly spicy smell mixed with the scent of the bath soap from my own skin.

Sleep is long in coming, I'm not tired, but there is nothing else I want to do. Even reading is out of the question; all my things are in my room and I didn't think to ask Tetsummi to get me a book. Silence pounds at my ears for hours before I slide away, thoughts whirling.

Something is poking me in the side and I roll over to avoid it, still clinging to a restless sleep. The annoyance remains, just follows me across the bed and I think I hear a faint chuckle. My eyes feel heavy, this was a very unsatisfactory nap and undid all the good of the night's sleep, but I can make out the black of a uniform and dark skin of a large hand brushing my bangs around. The Captain!

I try to sit up but I'm tangled in the blanket and end up just flopping around awkwardly until I can get free. My cheeks are red, embarrassment high. "Sir! I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was you."

A dark brow rises teasingly. "And who else are you expecting, sleeping in my room?" For a second, I think he's serious and start to apologize again but he grins easily and ruffles my hair. "Come on, you've slept all day. Time to get up." Gentle hands lift me off the bed and set me on my feet, brushing my clothes into place. He's still smiling, seems happy with me for some reason. Such a confusing man!

"Have you eaten yet, sir?" Head down, voice quiet, don't be so arrogant. 'You're a disgrace, Kira Izuru, and don't ever forget it.'

Ikkaku

He's so quiet, more so than usual, his head is lower than it was yesterday, his shoulders more curved. I try to be gentle, to show him I'm not upset but he's not even his tense self. It's as if he's given up on something, his body is pliant under my hands, moving any way I turn him. Just as an experiment, I lift his arm and let go; it doesn't move and he doesn't even look up. "Kira." Waiting again, this is becoming a habit.

Blank eyes look up, a little red from sleep but mostly clear, showing nothing. "Yes, sir?" Even his voice is blank. Is this what he was like, before? This empty shell, devoid of all spirit, the hints of fire I see occasionally gone. I curse Ichimaru again in every dialect I know.

"Kira, what happened? You're not yourself." His head tilts and a slow blink shows the scars on his eye clearly.

His mouth tips, thin lips parting in a small smile, but his eyes, his eyes are blank, dead. "Of course I am sir. I am the same as I have always been. I'm sorry if it displeases you, sir. How can I change?"

This is uncomfortable. Disturbing even. A small shake and he flows with it, letting me move him as I like, returning to stand in the same position when I release his shoulders "That's enough. Stop it."

He look confused, for a second before it is wiped away. "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand. I'm not doing anything, sir." Long bangs fall back in his eyes as he bows his head. "Please, sir, tell me what you would like from me and I will provide as best I can."

My temper isn't that great and he's testing it. "Smile for me." Immediate obedience, a sweet, innocent smile that goes nowhere near his eyes. His shoulders are so small between my hands, the bones feel fragile and I struggle not to crush him. "This is not you. Until you feel like acting like yourself, go to your room. You can come out and eat with me if you can behave but otherwise, stay there."

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry sir. Please forgive me." A deep bow and he steps to the door, sliding it open and closed silently.

What the fuck just happened? What is wrong with him? I thought a day off, some extra sleep, a bit of quiet time, and he'd be fine. Maybe not, but if he stayed here all day, nothing could have happened to him. He didn't look injured, he didn't flinch when I touched him or try to avoid me; that might be the most disturbing thing of all. "Oi, Tetsummi! Get in here!" I hate to admit to knowing his name but I need information.

Our big third appears silently, kneeling in the entrance. "Yes, Captain Ikkaku?"

"Where did Kira go today?" The person the most likely to know would be his best friend and greatest supporter. "Did he leave the barracks?"

"No, sir. Lieutenant Kira slept until ten, had breakfast, had a bath, and returned to your quarters. He hasn't left your room until now, sir." He doesn't look up, just stares at the floor.

"Oi, look up." When he does, there is anger in the dark eyes and I smile; there is information, right there. "What's got your panties in a twist?"

Wide features even out immediately and he looks back down. "Nothing of importance, sir. Just some discipline with some of the younger men today. My apologies."

Well, well, discipline, huh? And what are the chances of my little Lieutenant being at the bottom of the issue? "Dismissed." The billowy white coat is hung up and I change into an old uniform before heading over to the main area where the men gather for meals and down time.

The babble of voices rises and falls as varying groups move forward to get their meals and fall back to sit and chat. A back table serves well to allow me to hear several conversations while I eat quickly, invisible in the crowd. Immediately, I pick out the problem. Laughter, loud and crass is followed by crude jokes of the use of the Lieutenant's jewelry and what else he might be sporting. Bets are flying everywhere and dares of how to find out are plentiful; the older men are moving through the room, trying to quell the disrespect but there is little they can do. Fights break out and are quelled instantly, discipline and fear still holding strong to the leaders.

Listening carefully and moving silently from area to area brings me to a table near the middle where conversation is the loudest and interspersed with cursing of Tetsummi for punishing a set of three young men. The instigators. Very good. Their names are selected and I memorize them before retreating to gather my things.


	6. Chapter 6

Kira

I'm really hungry. It's been a long time since I had to miss a meal; _He _was never big on such simple punishments and I've always been skinny, so I have to eat regularly. The main area is especially loud today, filled with laughter, and I wonder what they're talking about. I can't hear any words clearly, just loud voices, and it doesn't really matter. I'm stuck here until I can 'behave myself.'

But I don't know what he means by that, I was trying. I obeyed his every word, offered to change as he wanted me to, I don't know what he wants. A deep sigh and I lay back on my bed, hands behind my head. Doesn't matter now, I'll think about it tomorrow. At least I have my books now, even though none seem interesting at the moment. Perhaps, if I ask politely, Captain Ikkaku will allow Tetsummi to fetch a new one for me.

There is abrupt silence in the main room and I tilt my head, curious. It's unusual for it to be quiet at this time, everyone is there for the evening meal. The Captain's voice echoes in the building, calling three names, commanding them out to the courtyard. What is going on? I can't imagine a reason, unless they've managed to offend him in the half hour since I've been here. Tetsummi would surely have come to me earlier if there was a problem.

I peek out the dark curtains to watch the three men, boys really, walking out to the whipping posts. No, he can't! NO! I press to the window then look back at the door. But, I can't leave, what do I do, I can't let him, they're just children. I watch helplessly as they're tied, hands over their heads, the rest of the squad watching silently.

I wait for Tetsummi to interfere but he stands back, a pleased look on his face. The Captain's voice is clear now, loud and firm. "The blatant disrespect you show your Lieutenant is disrespect to me. I will not tolerate impertinence to me or my officers, no matter the provocation. If you think you can defeat him and take his place, try, but spreading groundless gossip behind his back is not acceptable."

No! It's my fault? He continues speaking but I can't hear him, lost in horror that this is my fault, because I don't make them respect me enough. The door is cold under my hand, freezing from the Captain's command to stay, my fingers fumbling with the handle but I open it anyways, sliding out and running down the hall. As I round the corner, I can see the short crop, _His_short whip, the one _He_liked to use on me, lifting and starting to fall.

Tetsummi sees me at the same time and moves to stop me, keep me back, but I feint right and flash step left around him, panting at the extra exertion after little rest and no food. "No!"

Thin leather continues down, slapping against my raised arms, the tip bending to strike my shoulder. The force sends me flying back into the tense young man; he doesn't even know you have to relax for it not to hurt as badly. "Please." I hit the ground, kneeling in the dust, arms still up. "Please, sir. It's my fault, please. Punish me, let me take their places."

"Kira, I told you to stay in your room." Dark eyes are glaring at me, angry but with me or with them I'm not sure. "Go back."

He could kill me for this. Defying in public is unacceptable, no matter the reason but I can't just turn my back. "Please, sir, please, I can't. Please, take me, let me bear it for them." Tears gather in my eyes and one slides across my cheek only to be brushed away gently.

When I look up, the Captain is crouched before me, wiping my face lightly. "Kira, you don't even know their offense. I will not tolerate them hurting you."

"Please." I clutch at his hand, clinging to it, holding it fast against my chest. "Please, it doesn't matter."

"Kira." He sighs and stares down at me. "They spread it around, about your rings." My face is crimson in an instant and I look down. I wish I could just vanish and never have existed. "They were taking bets as to what else you had done and who could find out." My shoulders curve, my body curling around his big hand, a soft cry is choked off before it can be heard. But I can tell he has heard, and that he feels the tears sliding over his skin. "Go back to your room. I'll deal with it."

His thumb moves over the pulse at the base of my throat while I struggle to hold back the sobs. When I feel I'm in control again, I rise slowly, legs shaking at what I'm about to do. My belt comes undone with a touch, the long sleeves of my top falling to the ground with a shrug. "Lieutenant!" Tetsummi's voice is faint, as if the world is muffled; there is only the Captain and me, staring at each other as I strip.

My thick uniform pants slide off and crumple in a heap beside my shirt, leaving me in my soft under clothes; the top is undone, thin cords at the neck unraveling easily to allow me to lift it over my head, shaking my bangs into a mess. They are all watching, those who have seen it before staring impassively, hands in fists, and those who haven't curiously, eyes wide. It isn't just the rings but the scars; I turn slowly so they can all see clearly.

A large hand covers mine when I reach for the drawstring of my pants, the Captain's bald head shaking slowly. "Please, sir. It is my fault and I will show them." I'm almost surprised he can hear me. "Please." We stare at each other for a few moments before he steps back, hand returning to his hip, eyes unwavering. "Thank you." It's only a whisper but he hears. I think for an instant that he will always hear me.

He won't interfere again and his eyes show only respect; no disgust or anger at my little defiance. My fingers shake at the tie and I fumble for long seconds with it, finally getting it undone enough to loosen and fall over my hips. A deep breath and I push gently, closing my eyes; I don't want to see the horror at my ugly body. The cloth stays put, a callused hand covering my stomach and holding it in place.

I open my eyes again to see Ikkaku looking over my shoulder and realize what I thought was one hand is two, one from each side around my waist. Hadarame and Tetsummi. "Let go."

"Forgive us, sir, but we can't let you do this." The string is being retied, my hands captured in larger ones to keep me from undoing it again. Neither man is looking at me, both staring hard into the distance and I can hear the shuffle of cloth close at hand. The Captain nods slightly, motioning behind me and I turn as far as possible, straining to see what he is watching.

My officers are standing between me and the rest of the squad, rigid backs to me, hands on their swords. I can't see past them which means the team can't see me. They're protecting me. A tear whispers over my skin, trailing from my eye to burst across my lips. A shadow falls over me, the sun blocked out completely as Ikkaku leans in to press his forehead to mine. "You're amazing."

There's no time to think of what he means, his lips touching mine gently, sipping the cooling tear. The pressure is barely there and I lean forward a bit, firming the soft kiss until he breaks it. He bends to lift my undershirt and tugs it over my head, finger combing my bangs into place. A motion of his hand separates the officers and I see rows of men around them, circles of protection, and bite my lips to keep from sobbing.

Each row steps away nearly silently, only the softest brush of cloth can be heard until each man has moved, all backs turned. Even the youngest are looking away. The three are still tied up and I move to untie them, rubbing wrists as I undo the ropes, whispering small healings over each bruise. No one moves to stop me and I whisper to each young man, brushing away apologies and thanks. The compound remains silent but for our low voices. "Lieutenant."

The Captain's loud voice breaks the quiet and I move to stand before him. "For breaking command and talking back, you have to be punished." I lower my head but still try to stand straight, shoulders back the way he likes to tell us to do.

"Yes, sir." I know that, I can only hope I will be able to walk back to my room on my own.

He's watching me and a thick finger tips my face up so I have to meet his eyes. "You are confined to quarters for three days. You may leave under my command only. Is that understood?"

But, but, what? Confined to my room for three days? No beating? No humiliation? No working with the Fourth? Not that that would be so awful but it was a favorite threat. "Lieutenant! Is that understood?"

"Ye, yes sir!" Is he laughing at me? His eyes are friendly, amused, not angry at all. "I will return to my quarters immediately!"

"See that you do. Hadarame, escort him and take his clothes"

1234567890

My fourth stands in the door of my room, shuffling uncomfortably. He wants to say something but obviously feels he can't. "Hadarame, what is it?" He'll just stand there until I ask or tell him to leave; he's so stubborn and I smile at him.

"Sir, I." He looks away, short dark red hair catching the light; it always makes me think of rubies, a gem I saw once in the real world. "You have to stop this." My eyebrow rises slowly and his face flushes nearly as red as his hair. "You can't, I mean. Please, sir."

"Hadarame, this is my job." A slight smile. "This is what my duties consist of, just as yours are to oversee our men on medical leave."

A loud snort and I blink. Hadarame is never rude, always polite and respectful. "Sir, forgive me, but your duties do not consist of protecting every man in the squad from their own foolishness. I'm grateful you have, I would have died that day if you hadn't interfered, and I know you still suffer for it, but things. Things are different now." He's taken a step into my room and I start to feel crowded; a few steps edge me away towards the window but he keeps approaching.

"Hadarame, I think you should go. Thank you for your concern, but" I don't even get to finish the sentence before he's at my feet, kneeling, a hand twisted in my pants, drawing them tightly against my stomach and butt.

"Please, you don't have to do this anymore. Captain Ikkaku is nothing like Ichimaru, he's a decent man. You don't have to bow and scrape to him, you can leave." I try to nudge him back but he persists and I can't pull away without risking my clothes. "Come with me! I'm requesting a transfer to the Sixth Division, to serve under Captain Kuchiki. If, if you don't wish to fight, I'll fight, I'll take a seat for you. Come with me, leave this."

He's clinging, stretching the fabric of my pants and I press my hand to his head. "Hadarame, let go. I'm sorry that you wish to leave but I'll stay. This is my place."

"No! I'll take you then. You deserve a real Captain, one who commands his squad, has experience."

"Enough. Release me immediately." This is getting out of hand, he won't let go. "Hadarame!" His arms wrap around my waist and he presses his face to my stomach. "Hikari no Mekurumeku!" A simple light spell but he falls back, surprised, hands falling away from me. "Leave now. You're transfer will be approved immediately."

For an instant, I think he will come at me again but his shoulders fall, head bowed in defeat. "Sir, I, I'm sorry. Please, forgive me my rudeness."

"Of course." I stay back, nearly at the window as he turns to leave. "Hadarame." He pauses, not turning back. "Thank you. Captain Ikkaku is a good leader and we'll be fine." The heavy head nods slowly and he steps out, closing the door behind him. As it slides into place, a bare foot pulls back from the corner.

The Captain? What is he doing there? Was he listening? No, it can't be him. Why would he have followed us? I must have imagined it.

Ikkaku

I followed them because Hadarame has been throwing odd looks at me since I arrived and Kuchiki sent me a note informing me he had been asking around about joining the Sixth squad. And now I'm glad I did. "Hadarame."

His head jerks around and he stares at me, horrified. Well, if I'd been caught trying to steal someone else's man, I'd be horrified too. "Captain!" A whisper and glance behind him at the closed door.

I have to agree with him on that. I don't particularly want Kira hearing this either, he's had a rough enough day. My head tilts towards the office and he follows with heavy steps. My desk provides a place to lean, arms crossed while I examine him. "You'll be packing your things." It started as a question but was really a statement.

"Yes, sir." His head is bowed, large hands in fists.

"Your transfer is signed and Vice-Captain Abarai is expecting you this afternoon." If Renji isn't, he will be soon. "Dismissed." A short nod but he doesn't leave. "What?"

He licks his lips and looks up, staring me in the eye. "Captain, sir, please let him go."

A smirk tugs at my lips. "He doesn't want to leave." I push away from the desk to approach him and stare up, still smirking. "He belongs here, with me, under me. He'll never leave." I admit, I was taunting him, forcing my victory in his face.

Rage flares and I wait, arms still crossed but ready. His fists twitch, heavy breathing moving his chest, but he does nothing. Finally, a big step is taken back from me, a low bow, and he's gone, vanished out the door without a word. I'm sure I'll be getting a request for Kira's transfer in the next few days.

Now, on to more important things; what to do with my little Lieutenant tonight? I may have made an error in dealing with him, given him too much space to be afraid. Closing in a bit might be the best way to get him calmed down. I've thought about this for a while and have to believe Yume is wrong; which is fairly likely, he judges people only based on what he would do. And, thankfully, Kira is nothing like Yumichika.

1234567890

"Kira." A light tap on the door and it slid open instantly to show the blond staring at his feet, hands clasped in front of him. He's so pretty I take a minute to just look at him, letting him fidget a bit. "Come, we'll eat in my room."

"Yes, sir." His voice quivers and I sigh, taking his hand and pulling him along.

The door closes loudly behind us and I shove him over to the bed and down. "Now. If you call me sir again, I will put you over my knee and spank you until you forget how to say it. Understand?" I'm being a bit rough but the constant 'sir' is driving me nuts.

"Ye, yes, si." His entire face goes pink. "Yes, I understand."

"Very good." The little table I had carried in is already set and I sit cross-legged, patting the space beside me for him to settle in. A brief pause and he does, curling his feet under him, hands in his lap. "Eat."

Obedience has its uses. Tiny bites are taken and I watch his mouth, thin lips sliding around the edge of the spoon, that perfect little pink tongue gliding over them to catch every drop of flavor. I can feel my eyes crossing and my groin getting heavier as he licks his way through not quite half of his meal. The soft clink as he replaces his bowl brings me back to the present, head shaking slightly to clear it of lust. "Thank you, si. Captain."

He hasn't eaten nearly enough, no wonder he's so damn scrawny. "Finish your meal." I start, shoveling food into my mouth; the less time wasted eating, the more time I can spend enjoying him. A tiny protest and I pause to glare at him. "Finish your meal." Blue eyes turn immediately back to the table and he lifts his bowl again, nibbling slowly.

By the time I'm done, he's worked his way to the last quarter and is mostly just mixing things together. "Alright, that's enough. Come here." I pat my knee and let him crawl into my lap, settling his ass in the cradle of my thighs and letting his feet dangle over my leg. "We're trying some new things today." I can tell he feels my arousal but he doesn't wiggle around or try to edge away, just nods slowly, head down. "First of all, you call me Ikkaku or Madarame when we're alone."

A startled intake of breath. "I, I can't, please, Captain, I"

"Yes you can. It's an order." Those amazing eyes stare into mine, tense and shocked. "Also, you are going to stop jumping every time I come near you. No more flinching, no more cringing, shoulders back, head up." I wait for him to nod again. His hands are shaking and I cover them with mine.

"Relax. I'm not going to hurt you. If you want something, say so." A tiny nod and I shake my head. Moving on. "I believe I'm taken the wrong approach with you." Thin shoulders jerk but he doesn't say anything. "From now on, I want you within arm's reach of me. I've been trying not to touch you too much, to give you some time, but that's not working."

"Si, Capt, I, um" His voice just fades away and I feel him ducking even more. "As you wish."

"Good." I can't help grinning. "Alright, up you go. Take off your shirt and lay on the bed, face down." He stands immediately and tugs both his shirts up and over his head before laying down, legs spread slightly, back tense.

I love his legs, so slim and delicate looking. My hands run up the back of them, trailing over the slender muscle and testing the sensitive point at the back of his knees. He jumps a bit at that but remains still, silent; I can tell he's terrified, he's shaking terribly. Well, that'll stop in a minute. I move up to his lower back and press firmly, pushing him against the mattress and grinding my fingers into stiff muscle. His entire body moves as I do and I let up a bit; I don't want to hurt him.

He's relaxing under my hands, breathing calming by the second. "Kira, why do you not wear a hakama?" It's been bugging me, not majorly but one of those little thoughts at the edge of consciousness.

Thin shoulders tense up immediately and he pushes his nose into the pillow, mumbling. A gentle tug at his hair and he lifts his head long enough to speak quietly before ducking away again, face red. "Access."

Access? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? The answer hits me as I open my mouth to demand a better reason. Shit. He's trembling and now I know what he expects; my hands start to shake so I press them more firmly to hide it. As long as we don't talk about it, he seems willing to forget I asked, for which I'm grateful. Quiet sighs as he calms again and I ease up, petting firmly instead of trying to shove him through the mattress.

A few minutes of massaging and he's completely limp, head on his hands, and there's this soft purring sound, vibrating from his chest. He's so beautiful, I have to kiss him. He rolls easily, sleepy eyes staring up at me, calm, open, his lips parted gently. A perfect vision as I lean in and touch our mouths together.

Kira

I don't know what to think. Well, that's not true, I do, I only wish I didn't. He's ordered me on the bed, shirt off, and I know exactly what he wants. I try to relax, calm the tremors in my legs but he can feel them, trailing over me, teasing gently. I start when his fingers press into me, forcing me against the sheets and bite back a moan. The rings are moving, tugging at my nipples and stomach as I'm moved; I'm almost disappointed when his touch eases and he moves over my back and legs, rubbing away tension wherever he pauses.

"Kira, why do you not wear a hakama?" Air freezes in my chest and I flinch away, trying to burrow through the bed and into the ground. I murmur an answer and try to stop the shaking.

Maybe, maybe, he won't but I'm sure he will. Why ask, when the answer is so awfully apparent? A piece of hair is pulled firmly until I lift my head. "Access." I'm burning up, I'm so humiliated. Why is he doing this to me? Tears gather in my eyes and I wiggle against the pillow to wipe them away. I won't cry in front of him again.

But he's not doing anything, just pushing harder into my shoulders. Not painfully, but firmly, as if he wants to meld our flesh. There is no other response, not even a grunt; I'm a bit surprised at how easily I've become used to his at least acknowledging me with a little sound. Tension eases away under his hands, big and warm, the pressure becoming more gentle, moving into small circles and over my back and legs. Well, as long as he'll ignore it, I can too; I don't want _His_memory here.

In minutes, I'm a relaxed mess, limp and helpless. He could do anything now and I wouldn't mind. I'm flipped over and stare up; he looks, happy, pleased with me and I try to smile. I know that look, lust, desire, and I part my lips a bit, offering silently. His lips look firm, a bit rough, and I remember what they felt like pressed to mine earlier; gentle, giving but not soft.

My eyes close slowly, I want to see him kiss me but I'm not allowed to look, to watch, only to feel. 'One is too many, a thousand is never enough.' Someone said that once and I think of it as he touches me, brushes his tongue over my lips, as if he is asking to be invited in. I could have gone the rest of my life without gentle kisses, without the faint urge for more, without the curiosity of what those lips would feel like elsewhere. But then I wouldn't have this persistent excitement, a stubborn desire to do it again and again.

I'm waiting for his hands to move over me, position me for his pleasure but they stay on my hips, holding me in place as he kisses me, thumbs moving gently over the curve of my thighs. His tongue is warm, slick as it moves over mine, teasing me into licking back, moving against him. It feels nice, good to move and I do, arching my chest up to his, wanting more of the gentle friction, more soft touches.

I'm curious, in a morbid way, to know how long it will last, this sweetness. The taste of beer and the acid of tomatoes, the roughness of his tongue moving in my mouth; how long before he becomes more aggressive, before he hurts me? His hands are moving now, running over my sides, following the slight dip of my waist to skitter over my chest.

Now, he'll hurt me, he'll pull and twist, and I only hope I don't bleed too much. We're still kissing but I stop moving, letting him nudge his hands between us; I can hear something, a word against my lips. He pulls back just enough to speak. "Kira, touch me." Before I can say anything back, ask where, he's taken my mouth again, sliding inside to stroke and tease.

My hands move tentatively, sliding over his arms to his shoulders and he groans against me, pressing his big body to mine. Is that enough? My fingers trail over his skin again, noting the warmth and slightly slick feel of sweat, as if he's holding back. Why? He doesn't have to, I exist to please him, to take whatever he wishes to do to me.

Another deep groan and he's moving, pressing me down, hips against mine and I feel his excitement, thick and heavy against me. It's not frightening, that he will put that inside me, that he's so big. It's a bit arousing. I flush to feel myself reacting, my groin getting heavier as he twists against me. This is so embarrassing, I wish he wouldn't hurt me, that it would stay nice and, well, fun. Yes, this is a bit fun, to kiss and pet. To feel good.

Ikkaku

I have to stop. But he's so eager, moving under me, pressing back up, tongue flicking across mine. No, I have to stop!

My head jerks back and he's staring up, confused, licking his lips slowly; my eyes cross and my vision narrows to the little pink organ. What would it feel like on my skin? Wrapped around my cock? A groan moves through my chest, low and thick as I press my forehead to his, breathing deeply. He's whining, shifting around, hands running over my arms and shoulders "Shh, shh, easy."

"S,s,sir? Wh, what's wrong?" Beautiful eyes flutter closed and his face evens out, the flush fading. "I, I'm s,s,s,sorry." I question him wordlessly, humming into his hair. "I'm no go, good. I'm sorry."

A slow sigh moves his bangs and I have the urge to chop them off, to see both eyes clearly. "Stop apologizing." Quick little kisses press to his nose and cheeks. How to explain it's my own control I doubt? His kisses are a bit awkward, as if he's unused to it, shy. And more arousing than the most experienced whore. It's so tempting to just spread his legs and pound into him; the fact that he'd let me keeps it from happening "Kira, you're fine. Do you like it when I touch you like this?"

His hips move against me while his shoulders round a bit, red washing over his chest. "Ye, yes, s,s,sir, I, I" He stops to swallow heavily and looks up, eyes huge and tentative. "I do."

I know that but it's good to hear. He doesn't look afraid anymore, just cautious, uncertain. "Good." I'm going to stop, really. Anytime. One last press of my hips to his and I pull away, lifting him to my lap. "Now, you've called me sir twice. What should your punishment be?"

Immediate tensing of his back and his hands clench in my shirt. "Wh, what-ev, ever you, you decide, si." Some progress, anyways, he stopped just short of calling me sir.

I grin at him and his face turns an interesting shade of white. "Well, I did get you a treat but perhaps I should just have it myself, hm?" A few well placed questions and it was easy to find out what my little Lieutenant spends his rare saved pennies on.

"A, t, tr, treat?" Pale skin jerks and shivers against the sheets and I smile more widely. A quick shift of weight and I haul him to his feet, pulling him back to the table where I sit, tugging him back into my lap.

He fits so perfectly, the curve of his ass just filling the cradle of my thighs, little feet able to touch the floor but staying in the air, wiggling gently. "Yes, a treat. Care to guess what it is?" He's staring at my chest again, fixed on the opening of my uniform; light bangs shake slowly. "I'll give you a hint. It's one of your favorite things."

A soft gasp as he looks up quickly, hands tightening in his lap. I chuckle and reach for the little box I hid carefully on my side of the table so he wouldn't see. His eyes widen at the sight and he reaches out a bit to touch before yanking his hand back. "Go ahead. You can open it." The little green parcel is set in his lap and he picks it apart slowly, fumbling a little with the flaps.

When it finally opens, he lifts the small piece of cake out reverently, careful not to touch it or mar the delicate designs. A cheesecake, complete with chocolate edging and designs along the sides; extremely expensive and something that Kira was known to save strenuously for. "It's very pretty." His voice has stabilized, fear pushed aside in favor of adoring the little treat; even if he's only allowed to look, he seems happy.

"Kira." A spoon is pressed into his hand as I breath along the shell of his ear. "Feed me." Muscles tremble in his arm as he cautiously cuts a small bite and holds it up to my mouth; I take it slowly, licking the spoon. He watches hungrily, licking his lips slowly as I chew and swallow. I reach up and cup his cheek, pulling him down to taste the dessert from my mouth.

A soft moan and he dips his tongue inside, lapping at sugar and chocolate, the rich taste of cream and strawberries. When I pull away, desperate for air and control, he continues staring at me, cutting another little bite and holding it up. I push it to his mouth and he moans again, louder as it slides between his teeth, melting on his tongue; a slow kiss and he curls around me, one hand behind my head.

I can't believe he's so responsive, so thrilled with such a small thing. But maybe, it's not so small to him, the freedom to have his favorite treat. Passion flares in my stomach, the slow pulse of desire as he writhes and twists, eager for more; small spoons of cake pressed to my mouth every time we run out to share. He's content to feed me and lick it from my mouth, breathless moans and wanting cries fueling my need.

When the last bite is gone, I kiss him again, deeply, running my hands over his body. I'm hard, achingly, desperately hard, but as I touch him, he stiffens and I find him only half hard. No protest, he leans in to kiss again, but there is an air of resignation and I ease him away. I won't force him. "Go to bed. I'll be back later." Off to the bathroom to take care of myself again.

This is becoming a habit.

Kira

What did I do? I know he wanted me, he was hard, pulsing against me, but he just set me on the floor and took off. Was it my body? I run my hands over my chest and stomach, following the path of his hand to my groin. Perhaps he really does prefer women. But then why kiss me at all? It seems as if he wants me, touching and running his hands over my body, too thin to be mistaken in any way for a woman's; I'm very confused. And it's not that I didn't like it, it's just, just that I can't help being nervous of him. Even if he tells me not to be.

But, having my treat is worth it. It's been such a long time since I was able to afford it. He always made sure I had everything I needed but the price for a treat... Much too high. I've never had a salary, my own money. My relatives put me through the academy and left me to my own devices, preferring to spend their time on their own children instead of a distant cousin. After I found a position, _He _simply kept everything.

My bangs shake as I stand and brush my pants into place. As wonderful as it was, I should get ready for bed, just in case the Captain is still in the mood when he gets back. My tongue tingles with the mixed taste of Ikkaku's mouth and the rich chocolate and cream and I lick my lips, chasing the last edges of flavor.

The bed is cool and I curl tightly in the blankets, warming them quickly as I wiggle, making it as comfortable as possible. When he returns, he's relaxed, smiling at me as I curl on the bed, still only in my loose under pants. The mattress bounces as he flops down, one arm pulling me into his side. "Go to sleep."

"Yes, sir." I lay my head down on his shoulder only to have it shrugged back up; my bangs tip in confusion. If he doesn't want me to sleep on him, why did he pull me in so close?

"What did I tell you about sirring me to death, huh? Once more and you're off to work with the pansies from Fourth. Got it?" His voice is rough but he's grinning, teasing me.

He seems in a good mood and I risk speaking. "Please, si. Captain. Don't say such things about them, they've been very kind to us." Red travels my cheeks but I hate hearing how useless the Fourth Division is.

"Why? They're just a bunch of weaklings." As if that gives anyone stronger the right to be cruel to them.

"Stop it, please. They were the only ones to help us when we needed it, when everyone else turned their backs on us." Angers vibrates in my voice, no matter how I try to tamp it down; unspoken are the words 'when you turned your back on us.' My hands clench in small fists. "Please, I know I'm being punished but I'd like to return to my room now."

"No." I start a bit; he hasn't refused me anything yet and it's a bit of a shock that he would, especially something so small. I expected him to eventually, but still. "Go to sleep." My shoulders round under the disapproval I hear in his voice, annoyance clear. But he doesn't hit me or snap anymore, just pulls my head down to rest on his shoulder.

I'm tired but it takes hours to fall asleep, snores in my ear and large hands running over my back.

In the morning, I'm confined to my room again, watching morning exercises from the window, listening to the quiet of the halls, the stamp of feet going about their business. Books are uninteresting, the meal that arrives at noon unappetizing. By the time evening rolls around, I'm bursting to get out, even just to the Captain's room.

He's waiting, foot tapping, arms crossed, and I slink in to kneel at his feet. It's not the punishment that is the worst, no matter how it hurts, but the waiting for what it will be. Silence stretches and I remain still, hands folded perfectly, head down. "Get up."

My legs shake just a bit and I stumble forward before righting myself, forcing my feet under me. Shoulders back, head up, I stare at his chest, waiting, waiting. I hate waiting. "So. The Fourth were the only ones to help you." I nod, though a response doesn't seem necessary. "Why, Kira, did you never come to us for help?" He frowns but I don't move. "Did you think he was invincible?"

"No, sir." I do look up then, meeting his nearly black eyes quietly; there is nothing to fear here. He will believe me or not. "It would have made no difference, no matter how we begged or whom. No one would have even looked at us."

"Fucking bullshit. Anyone would have helped." I smile a bit, unable to contain it, and shake my head; his frown becomes more pronounced.

I had better apologize. "I'm sorry, sir. Please, may I make a request?" His eyes narrow but he waves for me to continue. "Please, sir, can you tell me of Kanvis Tatsuyama?"

"Never heard of him." My head tilts and I fold my hands. "Why, who is he?"

"Please, sir. My request is that you find out about him yourself." Big hands grip my shoulders and I'm afraid, just for a moment that he will shake me, beat me for insolence.

But he only lifts me to stare straight into his eyes, measuring. Long minutes pass before he sets me back down. "Fine. Go back to your room. You may do the paperwork tomorrow morning until I come for you."

"Yes, sir." A low bow and I back out quietly, making my way to my room. I hope he won't be too angry or hate us.


	7. Chapter 7

There is a full lemon here, so you are warned.

Ikkaku

It's late but I can at least run to the archives. Hours pass without even a whisper of Kanvis. Who is he? What does he have to do with Kira and the Third Division? It's dawn and the shift changes over, a new crew to answer my questions with shaking heads and confused looks. Even the ancient librarian has never heard of him.

Finally, midmorning, light streaming in the windows, I storm out, stomping down the street to find my mouthy little Lieutenant. He's waiting for me, surrounded by officers as they work their way through paperwork I've been ignoring. "Kira!" A brief start before he looks up, calm eyes meeting mine, hands folded over the report he was writing.

"Yes, sir." Quiet, not afraid, not mocking, just there, a blank little voice, waiting for what I have discovered.

I want to stalk forward, shake him, make him react but I stay in the doorway, hands on my hips. "Kanvis Tatsuyama doesn't exist."

"No, sir. He doesn't. Not anymore. Not to anyone but us." A small hand waves slowly to encompass his team. They stand, staring at me. "Kanvis was"

Tetsummi cuts him off, large hand on his shoulder. "Sir, you don't have to." Dark eyes glare over a thin shoulder and I think I may have competition if I slip even once.

Blue eyes don't move from my face. The large hand is covered gently by a smaller one and a fragile smile tips upwards over my blond's shoulder. "It's fine, Tetsummi. He asked, after all." The larger man stays silent but doesn't remove his hand, just stares at me angrily. "Kanvis was the Lieutenant before me, for over one hundred years."

"Bullshit. There was no Lieutenant listed before you." I checked every record of enrollment for the Third first thing. But he seems to believe it, face open, eyes wide and sincere; what the hell is going on?

A tiny smile tucks his lips up again. "Of course not. He's been forgotten by everyone except us. He was gentle and kind, a strong man." His hand starts to shake, pressed against our third's, but his voice is steady. "You asked why we never asked for help, never tried to tell anyone. Because, we were afraid. We did not want to disappear too, from all memory. If you stand against the Captain, you will vanish. Parents, siblings, friends, lover, wife, children, all forget."

I can't believe this. People don't just vanish, someone, somewhere, remembers them. His voice breaks into my disbelief. "There have been three since I arrived. Hakane tried to run and was cut down in midair. Jiruyen screamed from the top of the barracks what he did to us and no one listened. He killed himself there and no one even looked up. Kanvis." Finally, a break in the cool composure, a wavering in the steady voice. "Kanvis tried to protect me. He said."

A brief pause to choke before he continues, the voices of his officers joining his. "You will beat Kira again over my dead body."

The chant is eerie, perfectly in time, something they heard once and will never forget. "Kira, Sto"

He cuts me off, eyes glazed, staring over my shoulder now, in a trance of old fear and horror. "And he did. He beat him to death with his sheathed sword and threw me down and" Thick arms wrap around his chest, a big hand covering his mouth.

Tetsummi speaks softly in his ear. "Shh, Lieutenant, that's enough now. He understands." Dark eyes stare at me, demanding that I know without being told.

I do. How could I not? My little Kira, young and afraid, I can almost hear him screaming for them to stop, begging for mercy, crying as he's raped over the body of his only defender. Bile rises in my throat and I swallow heavily, forcing it back down. Slow tears trail my strong, fragile second's face and I turn and stride out, unable to keep from folding him into my arms any longer. But I know if I do, he'll fall, hard and fast, down to where he was when I arrived; even for the comfort it might give me, I won't risk the long way he's come.

All afternoon, a parade of men enters my office, Kira banished to his room again. Story after story, of Kanvis' kindness, his strong arm and steady gaze, his loud laugh and endless faith. Of a harsh temper and quick hands, eager to cuff the errant upside the head, and of an impatient teacher who pushed until there was nothing left to give before dragging his charges back home. His love for his wife, a seemingly addictive quality, their two children, the way he integrated the men into his little family.

Furtive smiles at the memories, sidelong glances as each shares their first day, first training session, first time eating supper with a family. Most of the men seem to be orphans, single, unused to a family setting, like me, but they didn't have a healthy Division to live with, train with, only Kira.

Kira. Stories about him, his gentle touch and unwavering kindness flow as well, unimaginable strength seeping between words, from sad eyes embarrassed that they couldn't help him more. There are few happy stories but everyone has one of fear, of him saving them at least a measure of pain. And through it all, they watch me, waiting for me to turn away, to send them out of my sight, for a sign of disgust.

Before each leaves, they pause; some bow, some kneel, and each begs that I be kind to him. They tell me he smiles now, small but true smiles, his laughter quiet but real. Not because of me, it's too soon I know, but because Ichimaru is gone. I see in their eyes that those smiles, the soft laughs are more precious than anything to them and I swear to each that I will never purposely hurt him.

When I knock in the evening, he's waiting, quiet voice calling me to enter. I only open the door and look at him, sitting there, hands folded, just waiting for me to turn away from him. "Kira, come." I hold out my hand, palm up.

Surprise flashes across his face before he stands, a tiny smile on his lips as he moves forward to grasp my hand. His touch affects me more strongly than I thought it would and I pull him into a hug, pressing his head to my shoulder "Kira, it wasn't your fault. That bastard would have killed him anyway, you were just a convenient excuse." A startled snuffle and slender arms wrap around my waist, holding on gently.

"Thank you, si. Ikkaku." A bit of a smile at my name, and without forcing it this time too.

I ease him back and tilt his chin up to look at me. "I'm not gonna make a bunch of shitty promises, like protect you or keep you safe all the time." His eyes widen in surprise. "But I can promise this. No one under my command will ever suffer like that, not at my hands or anyone else's. I'll kill anyone who tries to abuse my men." And this is the hard part; I thought all afternoon about this and I'm terrified he'll take it. "If you don't want to come to my room anymore, that's fine. Just say so. You're not trading yourself for anyone else and I won't be mad." Disappointed as fuck but not mad.

Those bright eyes stare up, the slightest flicker of disbelief covered up quickly. "Thank you." His cheeks turn pink as he looks away. "I would like to keep visiting you. If you want me to, that is."

Kira

I feel so bold, saying I want to stay with him, but I do, very much so. He's been kind and gentle and I find myself slightly addicted to him. Him and his kisses. I'm very glad he doesn't hate me now, that he doesn't blame me for Kanvis' death. I know logically it wasn't my fault, but guilt lingers, shame that I couldn't stop it nibbles at me.

The memory is one that has stayed with me all this time; the feel of my blood, hot and harsh on my skin, the warmth trailing away from Kanvis', my hands covered in red, my voice thin and high as I scream in panic and horror. Whispers against my ear, that no one can protect me but _Him, _no one will ever save me. That _He _is the only one I can count on, forever. I remember heaving, trying desperately to clean myself of the cowardice and fear that allowed my commander's death. But Ikkaku is holding me now, gentle, kind, and solid.

I breathe deeply, pulling in the warm scent of the Captain's arms, nuzzling into his neck as he holds me so carefully. I want to believe in him, to believe that he won't force me, won't hurt me. But is it worth someone's life if I'm wrong? Can I stand and allow Tetsummi to fall, Kazuma, Toudou, even one of the younger men, those I'm not close to?

No. Never again, I will not lay beaten and helpless. My arms tighten and I huddle close. For now, I will believe, until the first spark of pain comes.

1234567890

I dream. I know it's a dream, I can feel it, but it comes and rolls over my protests, burrowing deeply in my soul. No, no, I don't want to see it again.

I look up from the ground, following the line of Kanvis' legs, watching him fight the intense power of _His _reitsu, heavy body trembling. "Stop, no!" My voice is too soft, throat sore when _He _gripped it to throw me, and I don't think they hear me. Or perhaps they merely ignore me. The heavy body falls, stumbling, and I can't breathe. No, please, no.

The short dark scabbard rises and falls mercilessly, steadily as I try to crawl forward, reaching desperately. A strike falls on my arm and I feel it break, hear the sharp crack, feel the brilliant flare travel over my fingertips. Kanvis yells for me to stop, pushing me away as he scrambles to his feet, sword in hand.

He's frozen in place, staring at the wide grin, not even the usual mocking tease but a true smile, the first I ever see. It's etched on my eyelids, the way _His_name will be, though I don't know it then. Short silver hair flashes as _He_tips _His_head back and laughs, melodic and eerily beautiful. I know what is coming but I can't move, tethered to the ground by fear as the dark leather rises and falls again, snapping Kanvis around to his knees.

The final blows fall but I'm whirled away by the dream, sobbing as I move to stand in the same courtyard, in the same place and look up to find the screaming voice. I am Lieutenant now, in the role of protector and failing, useless. Jiruyen has broken, standing on the peak of the barracks, shrieking gruesome details until his voice cracks. No one looks up, turns from their daily business.

"Why won't you look at me? Why won't you help us!"

"Jiruyen, come down." I call to him, wishing I had the words to explain to him, had an answer for him. He's so young. "They can't save you. Come to me."

Wild eyes stare down at me, afraid and angry. "Fuck you, Kira! You're a fucking dog, taking whatever he gives you and begging for more! Coward!" His sword is in his hand, shaking as he presses it to his stomach "Well I won't! I'd rather die!"

He has no idea what he's doing, just stabs the blade into soft flesh and cuts sideways, screaming, sobbing as I jump to catch him. He topples, moaning loudly, crying ragged heaves as I ease him to the roof. I start healing immediately, pulling the sword as gently as possible so I can close the wound. "Kira." I murmur nonsense, soothing as I force the ragged edges of flesh back together. "Please, Kira." His hand is moving restlessly and I press the blade into it, let him hold it for comfort, knowing the calm that comes of having your weapon at hand.

It flashes, faster than I imagined he was, slashing across his throat, nearly decapitating him; the spray of blood makes me jerk back by reflex. I'm in shock, I recognize the feel, that cool water running over my back. Dark, pained eyes stare upwards, free while I cry, tears washing his blood from my face. When I look down, _He_is standing there, a tiny smile on _His_lips; looking around, I see the rest of the Division gathered, huddled together, afraid. No one else can see, will see, no one looks up or even over to us.

It is the first time I really realize the truth; that no one will help us, no one will acknowledge our need. It is also the first time _He _breaks our agreement; I know, even if I can't prove it, that _He_drove poor, young, innocent Jiruyen to his death. As a message to us all and to me especially, _His_favored pet and toy.

We are truly alone.

It ends there, saving me the disgust of having _Him_take me, laughing and happy, using _His_hands and body to bring me unwanted pleasure as I fight and scream.

I shudder awake, panting heavily, face wet and hands clenched in fists. The Captain still sleeps, I think. His breathing is steady, soothing, large hand resting on my belly, fingers splayed. Easing away, I slip to the window, wiping my face quickly on a shirt from the floor. The night is quiet, only the murmur of guards and the soft crunch of leaves under their feet disturbing the still darkness.

Minutes pass slowly as I stare out, seeking stars through the pale lamplight, leaning out the window a little to see the bright crescent of the moon. There is quiet shuffling behind me and a big hand presses to my back. "You should come back to bed." Warm breath on my cheek makes me smile, the tickling of hair brushing my ears.

"Of course." But he doesn't move, just stands behind me with one hand on my back, the other on my hip, leaning just a bit. We stand quietly for a while, looking at the sky. Eventually, both hands move to clasp over my stomach, chin resting against the back of my head, his heart beating firmly against my back.

I don't want to move; I want to stay here, safe, content forever. It feels as if nothing could ever hurt us, as if time could come to a halt and leave us alone. "Hey, Kira. Tell me about Kanvis." Of course, nothing stops time.

"He was a great man. Kind, gentle with his children, steady, strong. He loved his wife, his sons, he did his best to protect us." I hate talking about him, I can feel tears building and try to wipe them away quietly. "He had simple tastes, in food, sport and clothing. He liked to fight, to train others. His favorite food was plain rice and salted fish. Even off duty, he wore his uniform or a plain black hakama." I brush fresh tears away; it shouldn't be so hard after so long.

Still, Ikkaku is silent. "He had a bad temper, tended to swat you if you made mistakes or if he was tired. It didn't hurt, he never hurt us, but knowing he was annoyed with you made you try harder." A bit of a smile at that. "His favorite thing to do was train until you couldn't stand and offer to take you home with him if you could get there on your own." I remember stumbling along, leaning on Wabisuki, him wandering along beside me, chatting as if nothing could possibly be wrong. It's something I can't explain to someone else, a feeling of being cared for, of belonging.

"Sounds like a good guy." Those big hands squeeze gently, pressing me backwards in an awkward hug. "Sounds like you miss him."

"Yes, I do." I lean against him, pressing my head into the curve of his shoulder. I don't want to talk, I just want to stay still and quiet, pretend this is real. After so many years of picking through illusion and lies, even a known pretend reality is better.

Slightly chapped lips press beside my eye. "Come to bed." I turn easily and follow him back, crawling up beside him and curling into his side. It's warm, comfortable, and he falls asleep quickly, the now familiar quiet snores rising in the dark.

I stare at his sharp features for a long time, wishing and praying. 'Please, let this be real, if only for tonight.'

**Three days later**

The same knock has come again and I have to admit I'm a bit eager to answer; the Captain has been very kind every night. Nothing has really changed since I told him about Kanvis, but perhaps he's been more gentle, with softer touches and less yelling. It's good, I enjoy his company and I relax more every day, believe in him more.

Even though my 'punishment' is over, he still comes each evening to get me. We eat, talk, then... My face heats thinking of it. It always stops at kisses, warm, gentle kisses, big hands running softly over my skin, making me want more. But I don't know what to say, how to ask to go further. He always stops my hands when I reach for him, holding them firmly at his chest, not letting me touch him.

I sometimes wonder if it's me he wants or someone else and he's making do, pretending. It's a bit disappointing, strangely, but I'm used to it; _He_always called me _His_'pretty Kira' but it was never me under _Him_, never my skin in _His_teeth or my blood on _His_tongue. I always knew it but still, it was a place, a purpose; something a little coward like me could do.

Quit it, pay attention. The door slides under my hand and I step forward. "Yes, sir?"

"Kira, come." He turns away, a frown on his face; what's wrong? "Oh, and bring that instrument of yours."

What? No, please, no, I, that's mine. "Si, sir?" My shoulders round and he glares at me until I stand straight again.

"You can play, right?" A reluctant nod shakes my bangs completely into my face. "Hurry up." Oh, I want to refuse, scream that I won't but my feet turn slowly and I dig the small instrument out, cradling it against my chest. It's a smaller version of a shamisen, delicate strings carefully tuned and wrapped in soft silk to keep them from fraying, the entire instrument tucked into the back corner of my closet, away from anyone's sight, including my own.

Oh please don't take it from me. Even if I'm not allowed to play, I still love it, the satiny feel of strings and body, tight paper under my fingers, the sound it makes when I brush my fingertips over the sleek wood. He's stomping along, not waiting for me and I rush behind him, careful to keep the instrument close to my body.

I stop in the entrance to his room, watching him throw himself on the bed. "You know, I didn't want to be Captain. First, all you little punks think you can fight and talk back to me, then I get dragged to that boring ass meeting. Blah blah, honor and righteousness my ass. Just a bunch of windbags telling themselves they're right." His little rant stops for a second. "Well, get in here. Play me something."

Red moves over my face and I stare at the ground. I can't play for him, it's been decades since I tried to play anything! I barely remember even my training songs. "Sir, I'm sorry. I don't think you'll like anything I can play."

"It's fine, can't be worse than listening to the old man babble about himself."

"But, sir! I," How to explain? "I'm, not allowed, sir." His feet swing to the ground and I cringe around my precious instrument, trying to protect it from his anger.

A thick finger tips my head up and I look up to see him watching me, something almost sad in his eyes. "Kira, I've told you already, you can do whatever you want. You like to play, don't you?" I nearly bite through my lip before nodding; his thumb runs over my lips. "Then play for me. I want to hear you." I'm released and he nudges me to the bed where I sit, still clutching the shamisen.

It falls into place naturally, the same as when I played for my parents, my fingers sliding to the strings, the ivory bachi set aside in favor of playing with my fingers. He's standing over me, arms folded and I fight not to cringe away because I know he hates it; a quick glance up to see him nod and I pick the first note in three quarters of a century. Still clear, as high and delicate as the day I put it away, and my fingers remember the form, the notes of an ancient song; music flows again, gliding from the beautiful instrument to swell in the air and fade as new chords replace it.

Tears fall unnoticed until a big hand brushes them away, thick arms enfolding me against the wide chest. My chest hurts as I curl into him, leaning my head on his shoulder, sniffling pathetically. Kisses spread over my skin, following the line of my neck, over the pulse at the base and back up to lick at my lips.

Even through the taste of beer and tears, it's sweet, his taste rushing over my tongue; I lean forward, one hand reaching to his shoulder. A soft moan when he pulls away but I don't let go, clinging to the heavy muscle as if I could hold him to me. The shamisen moves in my hand, pulling gently away to be set on the side table and I'm lifted to sit in his lap, arms around his neck.

My belt comes undone quickly, the top shirt fluttering to the floor after it. He seems to want to stop there but I tug and wriggle until I can get the undershirt off and press my bare skin to his uniform. Even with his promotion to Captain, he still prefers a rougher weave. It pulls at sensitive skin, catching and tugging my rings. I shudder and press forward, hands running over his chest, sneaking in the edges of his collar to touch.

His skin is so warm and he shivers when I touch it, trailing over heavy muscle I've mostly learned not to fear, my short nails scratching at the back of his neck. A low groan against my lips and I gasp as he flicks first one nipple then the other, making the rings move; desire, harsh and hot sweeps over me. I push his top down, trapping his arms momentarily as I move from his mouth to his ear, neck, chest, lapping salt from that hot skin.

Flat, dark nipples are sensitive under my tongue, peaking under gentle suction and heavy hands tangle in my hair, pressing me forward to test my teeth lightly. My smaller hands run over his stomach and wiggle past his belt to cup the erection, long and hard. I should be afraid but I'm not, it doesn't matter if he does hurt me; I want him, as close as possible. He tastes salty, a thick sensation, one I want to explore more and I move further down to find new skin, shoving his uniform out of the way.

I'm halted by a firm grip on my hair and he tries to pull me up. I shake my head quickly and pull back, wriggling to gain more ground; his grip gives under my determination. I knew he wouldn't want to hurt me and would let me go. He's always so careful not to hurt me, not even a bit. It makes me smile and I lick his belly button, dipping my tongue inside to tease delicate skin.

A dusting of thick black hair brushes my nose and I blow into them, tickling and making him laugh. I laugh back up at him and follow them down, nuzzling into that wonderful smell, as heavy as the taste. Finally, I reach the tip of his cock, dark red and ready for me; a tiny flick of the tongue and he arches off the bed, moaning. I did that, made him want so much

A hint of pride and I swallow the head, sliding as far as I can in one try, a bit over half. I should take more, do a better job, and I slide back, sucking gently before leaning in again, relaxing my throat as he's pressed in. Almost. I can just see his fists, pressed into the bed beside his hips, knuckles white as he tries not to thrust. I could handle it, I'm used to it, but it's nice that he doesn't. I smile and suck a bit harder, licking my way up and pressing down quickly.

"Kira, I'm going to" My head bobs faster, hair trailing over his stomach and I moan into his skin, aroused by the taste and smell of him, of his pleasure. The shout of my name takes me a bit by surprise but I swallow properly, thick seed filling my mouth and overflowing, slipping away. It's caught and I lick my fingers clean, sucking them to make sure none is missed; they have to be clean for inspection later. "Fuck."

"Captain?" The word is a bit muffled around the last finger but he looks down at me, smiling a bit tiredly.

Still shaking hands lift me to his lap and I curl around him, checking my hands quickly before holding them up. He looks at them then back at my face; I open my mouth so he can see I've swallowed. "What are you doing, Kira?"

What? He doesn't sound upset, just calm and sated, but there's a tiny frown on his face. "Showing you I'm clean, sir. See?" I hold up my hands again, as if by showing him again, he'll understand. I hope he's not angry, if he's angry, I won't get to come and I want to, rather badly. My uniform is thick enough to mostly hide it but I can feel the blood pounding through my cock, the steady throb of arousal. "Is that...wrong?"

I hope not. "No, Kira. Why are you showing me?" His hands are running over my sides, skimming my thighs but not between them, not touching me sexually at all.

"I'm sorry, sir. I, I'm supposed to." I look up, half afraid he'll be glaring at me. "Aren't I?"

Ikkaku

Well fuck. Somehow, an excellent blow job turned into Gin's fucking him up more. He's staring at me, afraid again, pink in his cheeks, hands still held up a bit. He didn't swallow because he wanted to but because he had to. It makes my stomach twist to think of how sexy he looked cleaning himself like a big cat and how perverted such a simple thing has become. "You don't have to. If you want to, you can. If you want to spit it out, you can do that too. Hell, if you don't want to blow me, don't." He was so aggressive, I thought he was finally comfortable with me.

His face goes completely red at the blunt words. "I'm sorry, sir." He looks like he might cry and I brush his stomach gently to calm him. Air is gasped in and I move my hand lower, running over trembling skin to the edge of his pants; he squirms a bit and I grin. He does want it.

A nudge has him standing and I untie the heavy uniform, pushing it over his hips, dropping a kiss to the base of his spine as he shakes. The under pants are thin and I can feel the heat of his skin through them, clearly see the shape of his arousal as I turn him to face me. A lick through the fabric and he's darting backwards, shocked eyes wide; my grip on the tie reels him back in as he tries to backpedal. "Kira, you've called me sir eight times and Captain once. Do you remember the penalty?"

He freezes up and I feel a bit guilty for teasing him like this. "Yes, sir." His eyes are fastened on my feet and I smile quickly.

"Nine." A tiny jerk before he nods silently. A finger rubs the tip of his cock through the thin cloth and he bites his lip to hold back the moan; another bad habit I'll have to break him of. "Finish undressing."

Quick fingers undo the knot I've made and slide the pants over his hips to puddle on the floor; a small step forward to free himself and I take a second to look at him. Pale skin, soft curls and bright jewelry; I want to lick him forever, listen to him cry for me. "Come here, over my lap."

"Ye, yes." No hesitation, he just crawls up on the bed and lays carefully over my knees, arranging himself so he can plant his elbows beside my thigh, ass at the perfect angle for spanking. I move him around a little, gently guiding him to a more comfortable position and run my hand over his ass, caressing as he shifts uneasily, erection brushing my inner thighs as he moves. The faintest twitch of my own cock and I grin, chuckling before a finger slips between his cheeks to rub lightly, pressing faintly.

A soft whimper and he ducks his head, ready for whatever I plan to do to him. Except perhaps what I will. It may not be the best idea but I want him to always associate pleasure with my bed, even around the touch of pain. The questing finger moves down to circle his balls, pushing them a bit before cupping them, rolling them together, warm weights in my palm. A gasp is muffled and I rest the other hand on his lower back for a second. It lifts and he quivers, trying not to tense up. "Kira, I've told you before not to call me sir." My hand falls gently, barely enough to sting but he jerks and cries as I squeeze the heavy globes gently.

He's not hurt, his hips moving restlessly against mine, frantic whines as he scrabbles his hands in the sheet intoxicating and my dick rises quickly as I spank him lightly, pale skin turning a soft pink, balls tightening in my hand. "Please, please, sir, please!"

A harder swat at that and he arches, jerking against me, writhing in my lap as he sobs. "Kira! Are you not listening?" Babbled apologies and I push him to his feet. "What do you say?" Tears are wiped away quickly, ringed cock bobbing as he breathes heavily, thick beads of moisture glistening at the tip.

"I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please si. Capt." He can't figure out what to call me.

"Say my name." Blond hair shakes and I weave a trail along his weeping erection, spreading the droplets while he moans and trembles. "You have to say it, Kira. Should I help you?" His eyes fall closed and he groans, head rolling back, spine arched, begging for me to touch him. "I."

"E, ehh" Unsteady, his voice wavers and I smile before leaning in to lick a nipple ring. It's tugged gently in my teeth before I pull back, the slender body leaning forward to follow.

I have to put my hands on his hips to hold him up. "Ka."

"K,k,k,a,a,ahh" The pitch is rising by the second and I swoop down on his other nipple, laving it generously for a moment.

"Ku." I have to grab his hands this time, pin them to his sides as he struggles, tears falling in his need.

"K,k,ku!" The belly ring is sucked into my mouth and he shrieks, bucking his hips frantically as I flip it back and forth between sucks.

A horrible, cruel idea occurs to me and I grin against his skin. "Ma."

"Nooooo." A high moan and I laugh, squeezing his wrists. "Please, please." I can barely keep from throwing him down and taking everything he's got. "Madarame! Madarame!"

Laughter bursts from my lips and I lean in, taking him completely in my mouth, swirling my tongue around the head before pushing forward, rubbing the ring against the top of my mouth. I may not have done it before but drink with Yume even once and you'll know all there is to know about the perfect blow job, in step by step detail; whether or not you want to. Tight balls are palmed again, my fingers searching for the right spot. A little cut-off shriek, jerking hips and I've found it; two fingers press firmly and he's screaming, sobbing, hands on my shoulders as his hips move. Slender hips flex forward as he curls, tight enough for me to feel his heartbeat against my head, arms wrapped around my head and neck, holding me close.

He has a light taste, not as thick as I thought it would be, but it's like his skin, a bit salty with a sweet after taste. It's not as strange as I thought either, the feel of my mouth being full pleasant, the rub of the ring a soft tease on my tongue. Pleas, sobs, words have all whirled into a steady stream of whines, tears falling freely from his closed eyes, dropping onto my neck. Am I doing it wrong? My tongue swirls around the head, moving the tiny metal ring and he screams, entire body tensing, convulsing jerkily; well that works. A few flicks then I move down, sucking as I take as much as possible.

I'm surprised when he pushes me away and I let go, letting him fall to his knees before me, panting, head down. "Kira?"

Ragged sobs shake his frame, hands clenched on my thighs. "Please, please, I'll be good, I'm sorry, I'll, _please_!"

"What do you need?" I'd give him anything, just for him to stop crying like that.

Blond lashes are sticking together, his eyes are red, the blue shocking in his pale face as he stares up at me. "Please, let me come. I swear, I'll be good."

Oh fuck. He's waiting for me to tell him it's ok. One of these days, I will kill that fucking bastard. I lift my little Lieutenant to my lap and whisper against his ear, hand around his erection as he jerks and cries harder. "Come, Kira, come for me." Just like that, his head slams back, shriek deafening as his erection nearly jumps from my hand, spurting thick white strands over our chests.

Beautiful. Who would ever have imagined that I, Madarame Ikkaku, worshiper of women, would find a man's orgasm the most beautiful thing I've ever seen? Lovelier than Yumi, even, though not even I dare tell him that. His lips are flushed, pink as his cheeks, swollen from kisses and sucking me, his eyes dazed as he stares at me, sated and relaxed while he trembles with aftershocks.

A soft kiss and I'm a bit surprised to feel him pressing back, a shaking hand running down my chest. I figured with that orgasm, he'd be ready for sleep, and he does look a bit tired but he's smiling slowly at me, fingers circling my belly. "That's enough, Kira. Go to sleep."

"But, you." He stops, blushing. "Please, let me please you." I capture his hand and lift it to my lips, kissing each knuckle.

"No, you don't have to. Go to sleep." I've already come once, I'm sure I'll survive.

Sleepy eyes search my face, brightening as he looks for, something. I can never figure out what he's thinking in that active little mind of his. "Please, si. Ikkaku. I want to." White flashes as he nibbles his lip. "I, I want," A glance to the side. "I want you inside me." I can barely hear him and just blink as he fiddles with his bangs, hiding behind them and his hand.

"Kira." I want to say no, I do, but it's not working. My mouth won't move and my arms pull him closer. Well, fuck it. Or, fuck him. That sounds better and my cock fully agrees, long ignored and demanding some attention. I settle him on the bed and stand, kicking the rest of my uniform off to lay with his. A bottle of oil Yume slipped into my bag when I moved is retrieved; I was annoyed when I found it but now I'm grateful.

A shiver and he reaches for me, curling into my chest as I pet him, tugging gently on the nipple rings, lifting him up to sit astride my hips. It might not be the easiest position but he'll be able to control our pace from there. Soft moans as I fondle him, delicate flesh rolling in my hand while I suck and nibble the pale nipples, peaked and driving him crazy. His body is so sensitive, the edges of scars, along his shoulder, small curved ears, fragile skin on the inside of his thighs.

Oil is slick over my fingers, the clear scent of herbs teasing my nose and I spread it over Kira's hands too, letting him smooth it over my chest and stomach. It coats us both, letting us slide against each other, gliding smoothly together and apart, rocking our hips slowly. He shifts forward, letting me slide fingertips along the curve of his ass, sliding between round cheeks to press lightly.

"Kira, say yes."

"Yesssss." A low moan and I smile a bit.

"Kira, say no."

"Mmm, no." His bangs fall back, leaving his eye exposed, scars and all. I hate those scars, those marks of ownership; every time he blinks, I see the 'IG' is carved into his eyelid. That prick, hurting my precious Kira.

"Hey, look here." A slow roll of his neck and he turns to me, eyes half closed. "If it hurts or you want to stop, just say so. And if you want to come, do so. Understood?" A slow nod, pink moving over his chest in embarrassment. "Good." A single finger slips inside and he jolts forward, a cry on his lips as he slams his beginning arousal into my stomach.

His balls rub against my erection, soft skin and firm globes pressing down, and I groan against him, knowing he can feel the vibrations through my stomach and chest; he's so incredibly sensitive and the rings make him more so. Now let's see, based on Yumi's drunk rambling, it should be... there. Not quite but I brushed it, the scores on my shoulder tell me that. Just a bit over and there it is, a spongy little bump that sends him sobbing into my neck, short nails ripping over my skin.

Another finger presses close and he stays relaxed, breathing a bit ragged but from moans and breathless kisses rather than pain or fear. My lips part as he asks for entrance, begging sweetly with tiny licks and the barest hint of teeth on my bottom lip. Kira is so beautiful when he's bold, arching into me, demanding I please him instead of begging.

My free hand moves around to tease, running up and down the center of his chest, making large circles around the trembling rings. His patience finally runs out and I grin as he pulls away from me, slim hands moving to tug gently at slick metal, flipping them delicately, running the pads of his thumbs over hard nubs. My fingers are thrusting slowly now, scissoring gently to stretch him enough for a third, and each slow push sends him moving back to meet it, the pull out moving him forward to roll his hips against my stomach.

"Now, I want" His head moves back in a low moan as I add a third finger; there is the faintest bit of tightness around his eyes but he moves into me again. It's easier with three fingers to find that little spot and I rub firmly on each thrust, his voice rising in pleasure. More oil is poured over my hand and I dab enough to slick his cock, stroking him as I flick the ring from side to side, pushing firmly as far inside as he'll take me.

The heat is driving me crazy, satiny, slick, and soft, pulling me in. Incoherent babbling from my sweet Kira and I lick his lips, moving down the long neck and over the lean chest, teeth nipping at random intervals, leaving tiny marks. I hope he's ready, I think I'm going to explode if he makes another little whine without me inside him. "Kira."

Blue eyes crack open in thin slits as I pull my hands away to spread oil over myself. A brief nod and he shifts a bit until I'm pressed to his entrance. A deep breath and he slides down as he releases it, flinching a bit; I stop him there, kissing slowly, until he's adjusted and takes my hands. His grip tightens as he moves a bit further, his lips still soft while he pants against mine. Finally, he's seated, those quiet whines moving through his chest and stomach to vibrate over my cock.

I was insane to think I could live without this.

Kira

I was insane to think I could live without this.

His taste lingers stubbornly on my tongue, heightening the sense of feeling him at the back of my throat; he's filling me to the limit, stretching me firmly. I can barely breath, my body is on fire, nerves burning as he kisses me with his hands on my hips. It hurts, but not badly and he's pressed firmly against that little spot inside he found. I didn't know it even existed and now it's driving me crazy; I always thought I was sick to enjoy even a bit when He fucked me.

He's groaning into my mouth, making me tremble under his hands and I can't keep quiet, soft cries escaping, whines high and strange in my ears. I want to move but it feels so good just like this, a big hand wrapped around me and filled more than I ever imagined. Shaking arms push me up and my hips shift. That scream isn't me, is it? The way he's grinning at me, it must have been. Any blood that isn't focused on my arousal rushes to my face and I look away, embarrassed.

"Kira, make as much noise as you want. I like to hear you." His voice is a bit strained but still gentle.

The urge is irresistible. "Izuru, my name is Izuru." My weight shifts slowly and I grit my teeth as I pull up, a slick sound as he slides nearly all the way out before I let myself fall back down. My back arches, lips part, frantically seeking air. He's all the way in, dark curls pressed to my ass, and pressing that little spot, pulsing slowly in time with his heartbeat.

Muscles tense and he growls faintly, hands lifting me and pulling back down as I brace and try not to scream. "Izuru, come for me!" I do scream then, voice high and thin at my name, hips bucking as I release, thick fluid flying over my stomach and spreading to his stomach and chest. Fast thrusts keep me orgasming for long moments until he throbs inside, swelling and pressing at my walls, leaving me breathless and limp, collapsed on his chest.

My name is whispered against my cheek and he leans back, falling heavily to the bed, still joined with me. We both moan at the shift and try to relax for a few minutes before pulling apart slowly. Fluid is running down my thighs and I flush, trying to get away long enough to clean up; he might let me stay with him still but not if I'm dirty.

"Hold on." Both thick arms wrap around my waist, holding me against him, so I rest my head on his shoulder. I gasp as he rolls us around, retrieving a blanket from the mess of the bed; my skin is incredibly sensitive and even the puff of his breath on my neck sends shivers down my back. "Just a minute." I'm settled on the bed and he stands, yanking a pair of pants on and flinging the door open.

What is he doing? "Capt..." Maybe I shouldn't call him that. Pink burns in my cheeks at the thought of being 'punished' again.

"Oi, clear the damn hall!" He's not... My entire body burns in humiliation. I don't think I've ever been this embarrassed, no matter what was done or in front of who. "Alright, come here." Thick arms wrap around me and I'm cradled against the naked chest as he walks slowly down the hall. "Let's get you cleaned up."

He keeps talking, rambling a bit but I quit listening, too busy trying to vanish into thin air. I'm shifted to one arm and balance precariously on his hip as he turns the water on, tests it, and proceeds to unwrap me after shoving his pants off. My legs tremble, I think I might fall, but he lifts me again, holding me gently under the warm spray. "Okay?"

I should probably answer. "Yes, thank you." Warm hands move over my skin, a soft cloth cleaning the stickiness away. I suppose it could be worse. He could have just dragged me out there, naked and filthy, in front of everyone. Suddenly, I feel very shy and turn a bit, shielding myself from his touch, clinging to the corner of the cloth.

"Hey, let go." The second of hesitation is too long and he slides bare fingers up my sides before digging in, tickling mercilessly. I shriek with surprised laughter, uncontrollable as I shove at his hands and kick, sliding around on the slick tile. Deep chuckles in my ear as he hugs me close, kissing my forehead. "Pretty Kira."

My entire body shudders and he stops, pulling away to look down, frowning slightly. "What? Don't like that?" Wet bangs fall in my eyes as I shake my head quickly. He grunts and hugs me again, pressing my head to his shoulder, gently taking my hands and placing them on his waist; they move on their own, gliding over his back and squeezing him close.

He doesn't say anything, I'm a bit afraid he might be angry but his hands are gentle on my back, strong fingers combing the edges of my hair. "I'm"

"If you say you're sorry one more time, I'm sending you to the Fourth, got it?" Harsh words in a low growl but I've already learned he doesn't mean it; I smile and press closer, curling into his warmth, letting the water run over my skin, soothing and pleasant.

Ikkaku

One of these days, I'll find out everything that asshole did to him. What I'll do then, I don't know, but at least I'll know what not to do. I thought he would cry when I called him 'pretty.' It's a bit curious, that he cries so much, his control seems to be pretty good except when it comes to crying or hiding fear. Maybe he was trained that way. I can't help being curious, even when I don't really want to know.

But it's good, to stand in the calming cascade of water, holding him against me, his arms wrapped around my waist, small hands curled on my back. His breathing is even, embarrassment and the brief upset gone as he nuzzles my chest, hair dripping cooling droplets over my skin. The water temperature is dropping slowly and I pull away, wipe him down one last time and towel him off enthusiastically.

His laughter is beautiful as he chases the edge of the towel, trying to tug it away from me, shyness forgotten as he looks straight into my eyes, smiling widely, teasingly running his fingers over my sides, tickling back. If only he could stay this way, happy and free. I have to kiss him again, just the brush of mouths but he leans up, hands braced on my shoulders as he licks delicately. "Careful."

"Of what?" He can't be that innocent; the flutter of his lashes gives him away and I sweep him into a deep kiss, leaning over him, tongue sliding into his mouth without effort. A soft cry and he's kissing me back, both hands on my head to pull me closer.

Quick breaths and I growl lightly against his throat, working my way over his collar and back up to his lips, leaving trails of shivers and quiet whines. "Unless you want me again?" Red streaks his skin and I grin into his mouth. It's too soon, I know that, but he's so fun to tease. "Come on."

A clean towel folds him in, keeping those wandering little hands locked away for the moment. I check the hall quickly to make sure no one is there and carry him back to bed, rolling him over rumpled sheets. Pink lingers in his cheeks but he looks up boldly, delicate hands reaching for me. "No. Behave yourself."

The rejection makes his eyes widen a bit before he looks away, tucking his hands close to his chest. Crap. My sigh is strong enough to move his bangs and he flinches, moving away to dig into the sheets, huddling quietly at the edge of the bed. I didn't redress and can just crawl in beside him, pulling him over to lay stiffly against me. "Kira, don't be like that. Come here." Soft snuffling and he wiggles a bit closer but doesn't snuggle in the way he likes to. "Aww, come on. It's too soon, and you're too small." A friendly flick of his nose, which wrinkles.

Mumbling against my shoulder and I poke him firmly, making him look up and speak directly to me. "Not small." Is he pouting? Half-lidded eyes narrow further at my silence. "I'm not small."

He is. I want to shout in triumph, gloat to the entire world that I dragged his bright, spunky personality into the light of day. "Not really." I smirk at him. "I'm just big." That shyness is so funny, I laugh when he turns blood red and buries his face in my chest again. "Go to sleep, Kira."

A muffled 'good night' and he settles more, tucking his legs between mine and his arm over my waist, opposite tucked between our chests. This is the way to live.


	8. Chapter 8

god's view

**One week later**

Kira walked the halls, checking everyone was tucked away, the lamps were all out, that the dorm was secure. A brief word with the night guards and he started inside to get ready for the evening. The Captain enjoyed when he visited to read and talk and he always ended up staying the night, curled on the big bed, wrapped in strong arms. It wasn't uncomfortable, as such, unnerving was a better word for it. Waking to someone wrapped around you was a bit disconcerting, particularly for someone who had never shared a bed before.

A flicker of a smile as he tried to decide what he should take. There was a new book he'd just started or a game, perhaps. He was mostly allowed to amuse himself, sometimes talking, sometimes just sitting quietly while the Captain had a few drinks. Sometimes they had sex but not every time; sometimes they just kissed and petted, exploring. The blond was still shy but it was surprisingly interesting to examine a body other than his, discover new scars and hear the stories behind each; some were depressing, some were funny, but they all made him just a bit sad. He didn't have any stories about his own scars, at least none he could ever share.

Quiet, sneaky steps and he muffled his smile, replacing it with a stern look. "Gentlemen." Both sets of steps went silent. A slender finger waved for them to come out and watched two dark heads stare at the floor. "What are you doing out? Curfew is in effect."

"Yes, sir." They peeked up and he recognized them; the boys from two weeks ago, the ones Tetsummi dragged away. "I'm sorry, sir. We just got back a little late. It won't happen again."

"No, sir. I promise we won't be late again." They both bowed and a tiny smile tilted the blond's lips.

He reached out and patted both boys on the shoulder. "All right. Go to your rooms now. Morning practice will come too early." A slightly wider smile and they smiled back hesitantly. "Go on, before the Captain comes along and catches you."

"Yes sir!" They turned to run off and he passed them, heading for his own room. "Sir?"

"Yes?" His head turned to see them stopped and staring at him.

"I, ah." An embarrassed blush worked its way over the taller boy's cheeks before he bowed low, shaggy hair falling in his face. "Thank you." His shorter friend bowed as well, echoing him.

Kira's smile disappeared, fading under their serious tone; this wasn't about their being late. No one moved for a minute, then the blond tilted his head gently and turned away, slow steps taking him down the hall. The vision the two made was etched in his mind and he knew if he ever doubted, they would remind him of his place and duty.

1234567890

"Ikkaku!" Kira bolted up and rolled off the bed, reaching for his sword in alarm at the door slamming open. "Ikka, Ikka!"

By the time the blond got his weapon in hand and was in any condition to fight, a slender blur had already passed him by and leapt on the sleeping captain. Who grunted. Kira stared; no sign of alarm, no reaction to being pounced on in the middle of the night, nothing. Except a grunt. "Ikka! Ikka!"

The slim form was sitting on the broad chest, energetically slamming wide shoulders up and down against the bed. It finally registered who it was; the bright feathers were a pretty good clue. "Yumichika?" At his voice, the dark head turned to stare.

"What are you doing here? Can't you see we're busy?" As if the blond hadn't been there first. "Shoo, shoo, I need Ikka right now. You can borrow him later."

Before the younger man could react, a low groan and thick arms wrapped around the slight body, pulling it down to lay across the muscular chest. "Yume, go to sleep. You can tell me all about it in the morning." One arm patted around beside him. "Kira? Come here." A sleepy smile, eyes still closed and the blond edged closer, setting his sword down again.

He didn't climb back into bed, just grabbed his over-shirt and backed away slowly. 'No way am I going near them.' While Captain Ikkaku had been easy enough to get along with, and sleeping beside him wasn't so bad, was nice really, sleeping with him and his lover was another thing entirely. "I'll, ah, just go back to my room. Good night, Captain, Yumichika."

"Kira, get your ass back in here. Yume, get over, give the guy some room." An indignant squawk from the fussy brunet as he was rolled over and shoved against the wall.

The pretty shinigami bounced right back, curling around his friend's waist and clinging. "Ikkaaaaaaa! You have to listen to what he said! He was so mean, I hate him, hate him, hate him!" A delicate little sniff but Kira could see the gleam of triumph in bright eyes, as if to say 'Look, I have him now!'

'Fine, keep him.' Long bangs shook a bit to straighten out and the blond turned away, collecting his book and tray. "Captain, sir, Yumichika obviously needs your attention now. I'll see you in the morning." Soft steps had him nearly to the door before a thick arm wrapped around his stomach, lifted him up and tossed him on the bed. "Ahh!"

A disgusted noise from under him and he realized he'd landed on Yumichika, who shoved him off and crawled away, leaving a space in the center of the bed for Madarame, who flopped on his back, arms spread. The brunet immediately snuggled in, head on a heavy shoulder, babbling away at his friend while Kira tried to sink into the wall, pressing as flat as possible. He was hauled in and forced against a hard side.

He glared across the wide chest at his new bedmate, who ignored him completely in favor of sharing his latest drama. "Do you know what he did? You won't believe him, it's outrageous. How dare he?" The bald man's hand patted absently as he shifted around, getting comfortable again.

"Don't know. He's an ass. I'll beat him up tomorrow." Long legs moved in an effort to push the blanket up further. "Kira, get that for me." The blond reached and dragged the blanket up as the brunet jerked and protested.

"What?" Feathers bobbed as their owner pushed up to stare down in alarm. "No, no, you might hurt him!"

A loud snort from his friend and he lay back down, running long, delicate fingers over the stomach ridges absently. "I just can't believe he would be so cruel." Thick fingers petted the fringe of his hair. "He said," A delicate sniff. "He said, I looked cute with my hair mussed!"

"Ugh. What a prick."

"Exactly! How dare he infer my hair is less than perfect?" Kira watched in fascination as a full bottom lip edged out in a beautiful pout. "I hate him."

'This is what brought him here in the middle of the night?' Izuru stared but closed his eyes quickly when dark eyes turned to him; he really had no desire to get in the middle of this, whatever it was. There was silence for long minutes until Ikkaku's breathing slowed and turned to soft snores.

"You. Since when do you stay here?" Delicate shoulders jerked and hunched a bit; such a cold, scary voice, as if he were in the wrong somehow.

Red brushed the pale cheeks and Kira tried not to choke on his fear; anyone who ever said Yumichika was soft was an idiot. "Ah, for a while. Since, since the Captain came to take over." Damn, damn, his voice was shaking.

Pale eyes opened to meet the dark ones watching him. "Good. Be good to him and kick his ass sometimes." It sounded so simple and the brunet's eyes closed as he relaxed into the warmth radiating from the large body.

"But, but aren't you..."

"What? Ikka's lover? Hardly." The bright eyes opened again and laughed across the expanse of flesh. "He's not really my type. Not that anyone could be as beautiful as me, but I do try to at least not be embarrassed by my choices." The laughter turned to a considering look. "Though, I didn't think he would be your type either."

Kira blushed but kept looking, curious through his embarrassment "Wha, what do you mean?"

"You never complained or asked for help those nights we picked you up, after he was done with you. I always thought you liked it." A barely muffled gasp and a feather rose with the slim brow. "Not a big deal. There are lots who do. Personally, I thought maybe you were a bit extreme but you never said anything so..." The soft voice faded away. "You didn't, did you?"

Breathing became so hard, he felt like his head would explode. Soft gasps preceded hyperventilating and Kira clenched his hand in a fist steadily to try and calm down. The slim hand was covered and pulled over to press to a thin chest where steady, even breathing helped his own slow. He was released and the helping hand brushed his bangs aside to flutter over his eyes, easing them closed. "No. No, I had to, I, I had to and, and" He couldn't believe he was talking about this, and with someone he barely knew. Maybe that made it a bit easier, possible to speak, that this beautiful creature didn't know him any other way than what he was.

"Shh. You don't have to do anything now." A gentle finger tip traced the scars on his eyelid. "We really thought you would lose that eye." Thin eyelids fluttered. "We put in a request for your transfer. Ikka wrote it all up and nagged the Captain into signing it. Most work I saw him do for decades." There was a gentle smile, a familiarity the blond would envy any other time.

Pale skin heated in humiliation. "You, saw me?" He remembered that night; he'd been bleeding everywhere, not even able to cry he was so hurt. He also remembered waking up in the Fourth squad's holding room, Tetsummi by his side. But he'd never heard of a transfer request.

Full lips tucked up in a sad smile "Yes, we did. We've watched since we met you crawling to your room. We tried to help but... You just smiled so beautifully and said thank you before closing the door on us." Another brush of gentle fingers through the pale hair, combing it lightly. "Ikka used to wait for you and follow you back to your room. For months he harassed you, trying to make you ask for help but you always just smiled and shut the door. This kid from the Fourth, Hana something or other, mousy little thing, used to look after you; he was just a kid then, in his first years of service, shy, and he always came, no matter when he was called."

Kira shuddered; he didn't remember much once he left his former Captain's rooms. As soon as the door closed he shut down. A way to cope, even if it cost him years of night memories. Early on, he'd been carried back and cleaned up, and in later years he knew he had been carried back a few times by Tetsummi but mostly he just crawled back on his own; at least he'd thought he had. Sometimes he remembered Hana arriving, quietly patching him up and gliding out on the silent feet he'd arrived on, no matter how many times Kira had told him not to come, that it was too dangerous. Years had blended together, scars crossing his skin indistinguishable from one another and even he was unable to name where any had come from. Except the ones he was meant to remember.

"I, I" He was ashamed to feel tears in his eyes and was flicked on the nose.

"No crying, crying is so ugly! Your eyes will get all puffy and your nose might run!" And the appalled words were just so funny, the entire situation was hilarious suddenly; the blond couldn't stop laughing, muffling the shrieks against warm tanned skin. And the shame, that he had been so weak, that he had snipped at Ikkaku about not caring had tears running down his face in heavy sobs. Contrary to his claims of ugliness, Yumichika continued petting him, whispering nonsense in a soft voice.

"Why? Why are you so nice to me?" It was so confusing; the brunet obviously had a claim on his Captain, one he would never have, even if he wanted it. And that was the question; did he want it? Would he fight for it? Demand it? While he was sure if he said no and asked to be excused, he would be allowed to leave, he knew no other way to protect the others, no other way to belong. A thick arm squeezed him lightly and his name was murmured before the largest man quieted again, fingers trailing over the soft side before stilling.

"Well, it's so ugly to be jealous. There's plenty of Ikka to go around, really. He's so big. And you're quite lovely; you might even come close to thinking of comparing with me if you'd stand straight and smile." Kira just watched with wet eyes, the teasing tone and nonsense rolling over his head. The beautiful face turned serious and purple eyes turned nearly black in the dim moonlight. "Because he's so in love with you it's disgusting. " A final pat and Yumi pulled his hand back, tucking his head into the curve of Ikkaku's shoulder; he was obviously done talking. "Go to sleep. Ikka likes to run morning workout you know."

Pale hair nodded slowly and he laid it down slowly, thoughts whirling. Ikkaku loved him? That couldn't be, he wasn't worth loving, just a pretty little coward; someone as strong as the Captain wouldn't even think of him as anything other than a convenient sex toy. Even though they didn't have sex all the time, and it was fun when they did, the blond was certain there were no hidden feelings, nothing more than release. Sleep didn't come and he was still thinking when dawn broke, pink light squeezing in through thin slates and under the door.

The instant light hit the bald head, his Captain was rolling over and out of bed, Yumichika in his arms. The brunet was set on his feet and fussed with his clothes until they lay properly, hair fluffed and feathers in perfect order. Kira felt positively frumpy in his sleep wrinkled clothes and wild morning hair; a brief attempt was made to fix it but he gave up almost immediately. There was no way he would be even semi decent without a long shower and fresh change of clothes.

Ikkaku was pulling on his clothes quickly and wandered out into the hall to bang on doors, forcing the entire squad up and out of bed. "Move it, you lazy assholes! The sun's up, what the fuck are you doing?" The entire team scrambled into formation, messily dressed but reasonably alert; weeks of routine were taking their toll. "Line up, you losers! Who the fuck taught you formations?"

Rows of perfect salutes were snapped off and held, eyes forward as their Captain stalked along, cracking his knuckles and the unwary few over the head. Kira slid into place in front of the crew, Yumi beside him. 'Bad enough he appears in the night and takes half the bed but now he's showing me up in practice too?' He tried not to be upset, he was used to being humiliated before the squad but at least it had always been the Captain and not some third seat of another division.

Madarame finished his examination and shook his head in disgust. "We're gonna play a game." His arm suddenly slashed down, wacking a young brunet on the head. "Everyone in this line, stand there until I say move." He pointed to the right side. "Ok, you bunch of putzes. All weapons in the pile." Swords were set down tentatively and the men returned to their places in line. "You, on the left, go pick a sword. Any sword." The men stared. "Move you sons a bitches!"

A wild, disorganized scramble and everyone grabbed a weapon and returned to their positions. "Find the owner. That's your partner. We're going hunting. Yumichika here is gonna to lead the bait team." He pointed down the row in front of him. "That's you. Kira's leading one team and I'm leading the other. One hour to capture as many as possible. You can steal bait, fight the other team for theirs, chase them down, trade, whatever you want. Losing team is helping Fourth clean sewers tonight." A nasty grin. "Any bait captured by the losing team joins 'em. Free bait gets a pass and goes to the winning team."

The big man motioned pairs to join his team and Kira imitated him immediately. Yumi moved between them to collect his team, grinning like an idiot. Even then he was gorgeous and Izuru hated him, just a little. Terrified team members lined up behind the brunet and he waved as he darted off, followed closely. "Ok guys, they get a five minute lead and we're off. Try not to kill each other, I'm not writing the paperwork."

"Sir, ah, are you sure this is safe?" Izuru sidled up to the larger man and spoke quietly. "The men aren't really used to"

"Aw, shut it. They'll be fine. I said not to kill each other, didn't I? Now get over there and lead your team or you'll be cleaning crap all night." The grin and wink weren't very reassuring as the smaller man was nudged back towards his team. He went reluctantly to work out a plan, dividing his team into parts to cover the most ground possible.

Five minutes passed in a flash and Madarame whistled loudly, swinging his arm in the air. "GO!" Both teams bolted, scattering in organized sets.

Kira kept a tight hand on his small group, leading them through the streets quickly. A flicker of cloth drew them down an alley where they were ambushed by half of Yumi's team. Swords flew and yells crashed in the formerly still air; shinigami came running from all directions but were ignored in the rush of battle, the need to capture or be safe. The blond leader fought his way to kneel over a bait man, hand on his neck. "Give!" The sword fell to the ground and he turned nearly all the way around to defend against another, still holding his captive. "Get them, damn it!" He didn't notice he was yelling or swearing.

His team finally fought their way free, ending up with two captives and a dozen minor wounds. "Good job, guys. Next, we're going"

"What are you doing?" All heads turned to the mouth of the alley to see a pink mop of hair. "Are you playing Bait? I wanna play, I wanna play!"

"Ah, Lieutenant, I don't" His voice trailed off and he changed his mind in a second. "Why of course you can play! You remember, I'm Lieutenant Kira, of the Third Division, and this is my team. Third seat Yumichika and Captain Ikkaku are competing with us." He snickered to himself; this was perfect! With her on their team, they couldn't lose!

Bright eyes looked them over, taking in the mussed uniforms and small wounds. "I dunno, you guys look pretty weak. Maybe I should play on Baldy's team."

"No, no, you should see the guys he's got! They're awful, we're much better." A niggle of guilt threatened but he stomped it ruthlessly; there was no way he was cleaning sewers. "And, if you play on our team, I'll give you..." He dug frantically in his pockets for a bribe, anything. A nudge to his back produced a handful of mints, toffees, and small candies collected from pockets and handed over for the chance to win. "I'll give you this! Candy!"

Glee lit the small face and she raced forward to grab the treats, cramming them in her pockets. "Oookay! I'm on your team. Let's get those losers!"

Izuru's face nearly split in victory. "Let's go men! No sewers for us!" His men cheered and they took off, breaking into splinter groups as they fought their way through the streets.

By the end of the first half hour, they had captured half the bait. Yachiru raced around, attacking random people, regardless of whether they were playing, but Kira discovered if he pointed and informed her someone was strong, she was easy to direct. They even managed to steal a man from Ikkaku's team, sliding in and grabbing him while Kira mock fought his own teammate on the rooftop, Madarame watching him bounce around; the blond laughed and ran when the bald Captain realized his Lieutenant was faking and began swearing.

When the hour was up, both teams were tied and the only free bait came wandering down the street, feathers moving in the breeze. "Yumi, get your ass over here!"

"What? No, Yumichika, you're much too beautiful to go near them! We're the best looking team!" The blond stood as straight as he could and smiled brightly, the brunet turning immediately and heading towards them. 'Come on, come on, we can win this.'

"Peacock!" Yumichika halted and glared at the pink haired girl before turning and stalking off in a huff, back trembling in annoyance.

"Ah! No, no, she didn't mean it! Yumichika!" Kira swooped down and grabbed the little Lieutenant, lifting her to swing from his arm, hand over her mouth. "Yumi" He didn't get to finish the word, air slamming out of his lungs as a tiny elbow tried to force its way through his stomach and out his back. Shock didn't even get to set in before he was flying; the packed ground gave under his body and he bounced once before staring with blank eyes at the sky.

Dark pants came into view but he couldn't move anything to see who it was. Perfect hair shifted over him and he stared into deep violet eyes, slightly confused as to what had happened. "That was pretty pathetic. Not very intelligent either."

Air suddenly seemed like a secondary need. "Fuck." He gasped again. "You."

His body was suddenly floating and his feet hit the ground, an arm around his waist. "That's a boy! Looks like you losers are cleaning up tonight." His vision cleared enough for him to make out Ikkaku's face beaming at him.

Harsh coughing and the blond nearly bent in half. "No. We didn't lose, you didn't catch him either. Not fair if he goes over to you by himself."

"What? You recruited the Lieutenant! And tried to flatter his highness over to you too!"

"So? You said don't kill each other, not don't bring in others. And you imitated me, so I win 'cause I thought of it first." His coughing slowed when he stopped talking and he tried to stand on his own, wavering briefly but balancing on shaky legs. Yachiru came around him and glared, hands on her little hips. "My deepest apologies, Lieutenant, I don't know what came over me."

"Okay. But you have to give me another candy. You owe me!" Blond bangs inclined deeply and he smiled at her; she grinned back. "I'm going home now, Ken-chan will be mad if I stay away too long."

Yumichika stepped forward and bowed. "May I escort you home, Lieutenant?" The girl shrugged and ran off, her third officer close behind, waving briefly over his shoulder. "It was a good game, Lieutenant Kira. You fought well."

A tentative wave back and Kira looked around. The entire squad was laid out on the ground, some sitting and laughing, others just laying back; a few members of the Fourth squad were wandering from man to man, fixing bandages and applying lotions. He even recognized Hanatarou who wandered from person to person, smiling quietly as he chatted and did quick fixes.

"Lieutenant, are you injured?" He was startled by the soft voice beside him and turned to see Captain Unohana standing, smiling patiently.

His cheeks reddened and he realized he must be a mess, covered in dirt, blood spots spattered over his robes. "Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you Captain."

The pretty woman smiled and patted him on the arm. "You all fought very well." His cheeks reddened further at the praise as she glided off, offering assistance and directing her team.

"You did. Did real good. Figured you guys'd get your asses kicked." A large hand ruffled his hair gently, messing up the few strands that had remained in place. "Guess I can call it a tie and let you guys out of cleaning."

"Let US out of cleaning? Your team lost." The blond was feeling particularly bold and teased a bit, a shy smile peeking up at the tall Captain. "I think we should get a prize for winning."

A slow grin and a thick arm snaked around his waist, pulling him close. "Yeah? And what kind of prize did you have in mind?" Pale cheeks pinked again, the blush having just faded and pale eyes stared at the ground.

"I, um, I" Boldness fled, leaving him blushing and nervous. "Maybe, a meal?" That seemed like an innocent enough request and simple to get. After all, carrying a tray up from the kitchen wasn't that hard.

The grin widened. "You want me to take you out? Not a problem." Thin shoulders jerked and he looked up to protest; that wasn't what he meant! "Tomorrow. Yume knows the best places, I'll have him recommend one or two." A final pat and the older man walked away, not even looking back.

"But, but, wait!" A casual wave left the blond staring after his leader, aware of the covert stares of his division. 'Damn him!' He turned back to make sure everyone was taken care of and made it back to barracks for lunch.

Afternoon was spent relaxing, nursing little wounds and filling out paperwork. Ikkaku lolled around the office, watching but didn't bother signing his name to anything until Kira presented him with a pile of papers and insisted. He was promptly dragged down to sit in the bald man's lap and no amount of kicking could get him free; when he stilled, the Captain began signing around him. When everything was done, the blond was as red as his pale skin would allow him to be and the older man grinned at him before releasing him.

"Hey, you lead morning rounds tomorrow. I'm going out until mid-afternoon." Kira retreated to the far side of the room and watched warily as his leader stood, stretched, and collected his coat.

"Where are you going?" The signed files were clutched to his chest as a shield when the larger man approached but he just nudged the blond away and opened the door.

"Out. And don't worry about coming by tonight either, I won't be there." The door closed on his "See ya." Pale eyes blinked after him; where could he be going? And tonight too?


	9. Chapter 9

Kira

Curiosity is nibbling away at me and I can't chase it away. It's been bothering me all evening and now it's late, the only light the few lanterns left out in the street. Is he out with Yumichika? Or a woman? When will he come back? Had he decided putting up with me is more trouble than it's worth? Could be. My cheeks feel hot and my eyes are a bit tight.

I'm a pain, I know, shy, scared. But I've been better, I know it! I haven't jumped for a little bit now, and I wasn't scared at all earlier when he was holding me. I've even been sleeping decently lately. The mattress seems so big and no matter how many blankets I drag up over my head, it's still freezing. It's not supposed to be this cool, is it? Even in the short time since he's arrived, I've become so used to Ikkaku's warmth. He radiates heat and vitality, energy rolling off his skin even in sleep.

Quiet steps take me to the window, a chair bumping along noisily behind me. I don't care if they do hear me in the next room, serve them right for sleeping while I'm stuck awake. Warm summer air brushes my bangs in my face and I brush them away impatiently as I settle in the hard chair to lean against the window sill. Why is this bothering me? He's just the Captain, it's not like I want to go there every night. And he obviously doesn't like us, always yelling and swearing. I try to shake the thoughts away.

It's a lie that I can't tell myself; I don't mind going to his rooms, I feel safe with him, warm. I like the way he touches me, the way he cares for me, and I know he likes us, even if he is a little rough. He's even said so. Long hair is in my eyes again and is brushed away. I should cut it. The thought only lasts a second. No, I shouldn't. The scars are a bit much for anyone not used to them and I hate when people stare. It's disturbing. Why am I thinking about that? Just let it go, they're there and not going away, so get over it already!

Back to the Captain's absence. That jerk, always around until I might want him to be then he vanishes. I'm much too tired to work up a decent rage or anything more than mild annoyance and just lay my head on my arms, staring down the street. I am not letting this bother me. A firm nod before I make out a shape coming down the street. Is it him? No, too thin.

Sigh. Fine, I'm just going to sit here until I get tired. Clear your mind and sleep will come, Izuru. Relax. Close your eyes and breathe. Just... breathe...

1234567890

**BANG**

"Ah!" The floor is harder every time I hit it, I swear. Stupid blankets, get off. For some reason, they've managed to offend me and a good kicking feels wonderful. Why am I beating my blanket into submission? It's just an innocent blanket. And how the hell did I get to the bed? I remember looking out the window.

The chair is still there, pushed a bit to the side, and the blankets have been tugged loose from where I like them tucked in. Someone was here last night and moved me. I'm fairly used to people being in my room, Tetsummi is all the time, but it doesn't feel like his work. For one thing, he would never change my bedding arrangement or touch my sword, which is lying in the middle of the bed now, as if it was placed beside me. Someone was here and I don't like it.

The position of the sun suddenly strikes and I realize I'm late. Very late. It's nearly midmorning and I can just hear commands being called from the courtyard. Clean clothes are hauled out and thrown on, my bangs finger combed before I'm off, running through the halls. I forgot, I'm supposed to lead morning exercises. At the corner, my feet skid and I grab the wall to fling myself around, sliding down the slippery corridor and hopping off the steps.

The entire team is out, going through called katas and everyone turns to stare as I come flying down the path. I can only imagine how I look; messy hair, clothes only mostly in position, panting faintly from rushing. And to top it all off, Yumichika is lazing on a chair in the center of the courtyard. Looking perfect.

I hate you.

He smiles and stands, graceful hands running over his clothes as if he's somehow mussed them with his perfect posture. "Ah, Lieutenant Kira! Ikka stopped by this morning and said you weren't feeling well. I hope you're feeling a bit better?" So relaxed and calm, as if I hadn't slept in like the lazy, irresponsible man I am. "I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of having your third start morning practice."

My teeth grit just a bit but he's covering for me and I can at least be polite about it. "Of course not. Thank you so much for your help. I'm feeling much better." Tetsummi appears at my side, head bowed. He can feel the tension in me, the anger at having my place usurped, and defers to me. It's difficult not to simply raise my chin and ignore him but his loyalty has never been in question; it's the presumption of a certain Captain, that I would be incapable of supervising, that angers me. "Yes?"

"Sir, the men are nearly finished with their basic practice. Is there anything you would like done before they are excused?" He is careful to leave all choices to me. A smile tugs at my lips; it has been a very, very long time since I have been angry and it feels quite nice.

I say nothing for a bit, considering, and quiet begins to fall as the others notice my mood. They are not afraid, oh no, not of useless Kira, but the officers have gravitated to stand before me, heads down. "Yes, I believe there is. This afternoon, we will be having a tournament. Prepare teams of three for combat."

"Sir?" Surprise, I would even go so far as to say shock, slides across his face. "A tournament?"

"Yes, Tetsummi, a tournament. Give each team a number and the Captain and I will decide who is to compete." I can understand his surprise, it's been decades since we held a tournament but he couldn't have not known I would be pissed if he just took over without me or followed someone else's orders.

Maybe it's been so long and I've been so pliant even he has forgotten. Now, he is reminded; a low bow and he turns away to organize, conferring with the lower officers quietly. My attention turns to the smiling Yumichika. "My apologies, would you like to come in? I'm afraid I haven't eaten yet, if you would like to join me?"

Dark hair shakes immediately and immaculate robes move in a smooth shrug. "No, I'm afraid I have duties to see to and have to get going."

"Oh, that's too bad." Yeah, sure it is. Move it, you conceited peacock. "Maybe next time?" As if I'll ever let you anywhere near my team again. Damn I'm mean today.

"Certainly. Goodbye, Vice-Captain Kira." His face is serious, perfectly respectful as he bows slightly but I can hear the hint of laughter in his voice. He thinks it's funny. That bastard.

The best thing to do is turn away and I do so, choosing a man at random to assist me with my own warm up for the day.

Noon and still no sign of the Captain. I've finished all the paperwork and arranged the ones that need his signature on his desk, Tetsummi brought me all my favorites for lunch, sucking up a bit. I'm not sure what I should do now, I've never had many duties and with my mood, I don't want to spar with anyone. Beat on, yes, but anyone I could beat to hell couldn't stop me if I went too far and I don't want someone stronger to just stand there and let me work off my frustrations. Though they would.

Sometimes loyalty is a bitch.

That stupid clock is ticking away, every second taking longer and longer. Ok, I have to do something. Maybe I'll go back to my room and reorganize it. My mood plunges even lower at the thought of the reason I had to put everything back the way it was. I just can't figure out who it was; it fells creepy that I don't know who was there while I slept. Tetsummi wouldn't move my things around, Toudou would have woken me and let me do it myself, none of the other men would come in without permission.

Argh, enough. I'm just going to put everything away and forget about it. The door opens to the office before I stand and the Captain walks in, whistling quietly to himself. "Sir! You're back!" Odd, how the sight of him improves my mood immediately.

"Oh, hey Kira. How's it going?" He's carrying a package with my name on it and sets it on the edge of the desk while he riffles through the files. "These are it?" I'm a bit curious but there are more immediate concerns.

"Yes, sir. Everything is finished." A faint hum and he starts to sign, still leaning over the desk. "Ah, sir?" A low grunt that I take as permission to continue. "I've, ah, well." It occurs to me that I should have asked before setting up a tournament in my temper tantrum. "I'm sorry, sir, I should have asked first. I've ordered a tournament for this afternoon."

Silence, the soft shuffle of paper has even stopped and he's watching me now. "A tournament?"

"Yes, sir." Head down, you're in enough trouble. "I had Tetsummi set teams of three and thought you and I could make a fight schedule." The files settle on the table and I try not to cringe as he approaches; he hates that.

A big hand lifts my head. "That's great! Where are we having it?"

"Wh, where?" Relief flushes my cheeks; he's not angry.

"Well, yeah, the compound isn't big enough. You should go ask Ukitake if we can borrow his training grounds. They have lots of room." He's smiling at me and I smile back a bit. He looks so happy, pleased with himself and me. A finger taps me on the nose before he pulls back and turns to the desk again. "Good to see you feeling better. You shouldn't sleep in chairs you know, not good for you."

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." The response is out before it occurs to me exactly what he said. He didn't... "Sir? How do you" my voice trails away; I shouldn't ask, it's not my place.

"Saw you, of course. Put you back in bed." Rage flashes, hard and fast. "So, about tonight, here." The package is tossed to me and I snag it out of the air, gripping it firmly to try and control the anger and betrayal. "Wear it, will you?"

Deep breaths, take deep breaths, calm down. You didn't really expect him to keep that promise, so why are you so mad? He's ignoring me in favor of skimming papers, jotting his name occasionally and I examine the smooth dome, pointed nose, the wide set eyes, and big dark hands that engulf the small brush.

My stupidity makes me sick. I _did _expect him to mean it. I thought it was real; for once, I believed. After all his patience with us, with me, the kindness, the steady honesty, I thought he meant it, that I could trust him. I thought he cared about me, more fool I.

It hurts, a vicious pulsing in my chest and I just stand, staring blankly at the large man at the desk. He's finished now, smiling as he approaches, a hand lifting to brush my bangs aside. I turn my head aside, refusing to allow him to touch me. I think I'm going to throw up as it is. "Kira?"

"My apologies, sir. I find myself with other obligations tonight. Please excuse me." The ice in my voice could harden magma. His hand lands on my shoulder but a subtle shrug sends it sliding away. I realize I'm still holding the package and press it to his chest. He doesn't take it when I let go and it falls to the floor between us with a heavy thud.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He's glaring at me but it doesn't seem to matter through the pulse of pain and betrayal.

"Nothing, sir. I feel fine, thank you. If you'll excuse me please, sir." The scuff of my sandals on the floor seems incredibly loud, the slide of the door booming in the silence. I'm being rude, I might suffer for it later, but I have to get away before I scream.

He's following, calling my name, demanding I stop and answer him. Heads are peeking out of doorways, curious eyes watching us as I stomp down the hall. Oh just go away already! My room door slides open and closed with barely a sound and I lean against it for a second. It moves against my back and I bound forward to whip around to stare in disbelief. He isn't!

Yes, he is. He even has the nerve to step inside, annoyance and confusion on his face. "Quit running. What the fuck is your problem?"

My problem? My hands clench, shoulders shaking; every ounce of control I learned to survive has vanished. My problem is "You." His lips move but I can't hear the words through the blood pounding in my ears. "You, you, get out." I can barely understand my own words through the shaking of my voice. I must have backed up to the bed, I don't remember, but a pillow is in my hand and I pitch it at him. "Get out!"

Pillows aren't good ammunition, too easy to knock aside. The book I was reading last night is better, smaller and makes a satisfying thump against his chest. Ikkaku is just standing there with the stupidest look on his face; it might be shock but I'm too busy finding other things to throw to care.

More books, a comb, a pair of sandals; he goes stumbling backwards, arms up, stuttering protests. "You jerk, liar, asshole!" It feels good to swear again, it's been decades. "You promised! Anything I wanted!" Bitter, angry words and my sense of self preservation shrieks in the back of my mind. "Liar!" The last word takes us to the outside door and he takes one last step to stand in the enclosed entrance; probably feels safe there, out of range.

Before I can find anything else, a soft step behind me has me whirling around. There's a girl, wearing a Fourth Division badge and holding the package from the office. I just stare, unsure if she's deaf or just stupid. "Aw, fuck, Kira, this is about your room, isn't it? Well, hell, I'm sorry, ok?" That has to be the saddest, least sincere excuse for an apology I've ever heard and I'm an expert; suddenly, I no longer care about the girl's intelligence or lack thereof.

"I fucking hate you!" The package is grabbed and I whirl around again, arm back. "Shakkahou!" The spell is released at the same time as I let the package go and paper and cloth burst into flame, shooting straight at his chest. Thick arms block but kidou is my specialty. Sheer power sends his big body flying backwards, slamming through the final door to roll on the ground once, twice, and he's back on his feet, glaring at me. I just pant, staring at him angrily.

"Holy fucking shit." My breath freezes in my chest. That wasn't me and it wasn't the Captain and it didn't come from behind me either. It feels like time has stopped as I turn my head slowly.

Black clad men and women are standing along the street, their daily lives halted to watch us. To watch me shriek at my commander. My cheeks burn and I bolt, too ashamed and afraid to do anything else. The door to my room isn't even shut before heavy sobs send me to the floor.

Ikkaku

"Holy fucking shit." Renji's obnoxious voice cuts through the air, followed by Byakuya's snort of disgust.

I can see the instant Kira realizes we aren't alone; far from it. A pale hand rises to cover his mouth in horror before he's gone, fleeing inside, cheeks glowing. Fuck. And he was doing so well. I don't think I could have thought up a better test if I tried.

Not that it was a test. I really did forget about that promise when I saw him sleeping by the window like the innocent he is. But his anger gives me hope. He must have trusted me a fair bit to be so hurt by a broken promise. And now that I know, I feel like the biggest prick this side of the barrier. One of the only things he's asked me for, the only one for himself, and I took it away without even thinking about it.

My thoughts are interrupted by loud laughter in my ear and a hard hand slapping between my shoulders "Trouble in paradise, eh?" More laughter as I turn to glare at the redheaded offender. "Bet you never thought he had a temper, did you?"

Maybe Renji's imminent death can be put off for a few minutes. "Tell me about this temper of his. How long will it last?"

"Forever. Once he loses it, you're fucked. There was this kid at the academy with us, snotty little shit from some high family, used to pick on him a lot, cause he was skinny and quiet. Kira just ignored it, laughed it off until one day, the idiot stole his shamisen and carved some nasty symbols in it." My eyebrows lift slowly; my Lieutenant may not play often but he loves that thing. Renji grins proudly. "He freaked. Broke the shamisen and two practice swords on the little bastard. Took two instructors to pull him off and they still had to shield the brat when Kira started throwing kidou everywhere."

"And?"

He's looking at me like I'm an idiot. "And what? His family bailed him out, got him back in and the record disappeared. Never happened." Another wide grin, mocking and superior "Damn glad it's not me though. You, my friend, are fucked."

My own grin spreads, sharp and dangerous. "Well, my friend, if I hear about this later, I'll know exactly who to blame, won't I?"

Sputtered protests as I walk away make me laugh quietly to myself. "What? You put on a show for the entire street and expect me to keep it quiet? Fuck you!"

"Didn't know you ran that way." Tattoos vanish under red as bright as his hair. "Well, if you can't, I suppose"

"Hey, fuck that! Who said I can't? Fuck you, your memory better be damn good cause you won't hear a fucking whisper later!" It's so easy, even a dumbass like me can do it.

As he stomps off, I slide back inside, checking before I move around any corners but it's quiet, nearly silent but for the murmur of voices near Kira's room. Tetsummi is leaning against the door, forehead pressed to the wall as he talks quietly, trying to get my Lieutenant to come out. At my steps, he turns and glares at me, hands clenched in fists, blocking the way with his big body.

Quiet steps and the younger officers slide up beside him, hands at their sides, heads down. Non-threatening but ready to stay between us. Makes me proud to see that kind of backbone. Finally, they aren't just huddling behind him. It would be a simple thing for me to move them and I almost go to knock but decide against it, choked sobs from inside sending me retreating to my office to think.

**Three days later**

"Is he still in there?" A useless question, I can see he hasn't taken the tray Tetsummi leaves daily for him. "Is he even talking yet?"

Thick hair shakes at me and the low voice starts again, rambling on about nothing as my silent Kira hides. "Hello?" The tentative question floats through the door and it opens slowly, a pale face and dark hair peeking in. "Oh, excuse us, please."

The door opens wider to show a big man I vaguely recognize behind the little shinigami, outsider clothes still in place even after joining the academy. That's the kinda man I like to see; I'll have to put in for him to join our squad when he graduates. "Captain Ikkaku, sir, have you met Shiba Ganju?"

Great, that's exactly what I need right now, visitors. "Yes, Hanatarou." I haven't really but who cares? "What are you doing here?"

The pale face flushes and he looks at the floor quickly. "Oh, I, ah, we thought, maybe, well, maybe we could"

"Wha' the brat's sayin' is we was asked to come, so move it, baldy." Why that little... not my division you little shit!

"Ganju, please." I watch with interest as a dull red moves over the wide cheeks and the big man bows under Hanatarou's tiny hand. "Excuse him, please, sir. Tetsummi asked us to come and help talk Lieutenant Kira out of his room." Our third is nodding and I step back, waving them forward; anything would be good at this point.

"Alright, ready?" The small dark head nods quickly and a small hand knocks gently on the door as the loud mouth jogs off. Where's he going? Hanatarou's soft voice starts a conversation, mostly with himself, chatting about how nice it is outside and maybe Kira should come visit and have tea?

The answer to my earlier question becomes obvious as something explodes in the room and smoke starts to leak out around the door frame; it bursts open and Kira stumbles out, coughing frantically. Tetsummi catches him and tugs him to the floor where Hanatarou starts a soft healing chant. Tears from the acrid smoke run over Kira's pale face, trails of soot marking his perfect skin.

I stay back, letting him be tended to, face wiped gently, soft scoldings for not taking care of himself murmured quietly. Shiba struts around the corner, pleased with himself; Hanatarou doesn't look up but launches into a gentle scold for him as well for using too strong a powder and maybe he should be more careful next time. They're sickeningly cute, those two.

The coughing finally stops and I step forward to lift Kira up. He flinches away from me as I reach for his arms, face turned away to press to the black covered shoulder. There's a little curl of hurt in my stomach. "Back to that, are we?" I don't wait for a response, just turn and leave. I can't bear for him to fear me again.

god's eye view

"Lieutenant Kira? Sir, there is a package." Izuru lifted his head from staring blankly at the papers on his desk.

'For me?' He stood slowly and plodded to the door, opening it to see half the division crowded around the door, staring at something on the floor. "What is it?" Shrugs and a path opened for him. There was a neatly tied parcel on the floor, wide at one end and narrow at the other. It was lifted carefully and made a soft rustling as he peeled the plain paper back.

Color burst from the package and he nearly dropped it in surprise; flowers and a sweet, ever so slightly spicy scent tumbled into his hands as he fumbled the wrapping. Shades of red, pink, blue, yellow, purple and white were tied with a blue silk ribbon and he stared, mouth working.

"Ah, sir?" Tetsummi was shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot and his Lieutenant blushed brightly. "You, ah, want me to get rid of them?"

"N, n, no, thank you. They're very pretty, aren't they?" Gentle fingers ran over delicate petals and the blond smiled at the satiny feel. His first smile in a week; not even the usual quiet little smiles had been present.

His big third tried not to stare and looked away, glaring at the rest of the fascinated division. "Yeah, sure, they're nice. Ok you lot, there are chores to be done before the Captain gets back." He chased them off and stood for a moment, awkwardly trying to think of something to say.

"It's fine, Tetsummi, I'll take them." Another gentle smile and the blond retreated to his office, stopping to pick up a sake pitcher to put his new decorations in. A bit of water and they sat brightly on his desk where he could touch them. 'They're so pretty. But who sent them? Was it Ikkaku?' It didn't really seem like the kind of thing the older man would do but who else?

A quiet sigh; they hadn't spoken since he'd been dragged from his room a week ago. He'd barely even seen his Captain since he'd try to escape him and the flash of hurt he thought he'd seen made his chest ache. He really didn't mean to flinch, he's just been scared and embarrassed. Even if there was nothing to be afraid of, he still was sometimes.

He tolerated the curious who had excuses to stop by his office and look, ignored any questioning glances, and no one was rude enough to ask about the delicate bouquet. A soft knock was almost unheard and he looked up in irritation; it wasn't that interesting! "Yes?"

"Lieutenant Kira? It's Captain Unohana. May I come in?"

The blond hopped to his feet and hurried to the door, sliding it open immediately. "Captain! Of course, please, come in! How can I help you?"

"Oh, I just heard you received a lovely gift and thought I would come by and ask to see it." The long-haired woman smiled and inclined her head towards the flower arrangement. "It's very beautiful. May I offer a vase for them?"

Izuru's face heated in embarrassment and he nodded while staring at the floor. Isane was sent to retrieve the requested holder and the Fourth Division Captain wandered over to touch the petals softly. "These are wonderful. You are very loved. Do you know what they all mean?"

"Mean?" It hadn't occurred to him that they might mean something on their own.

Slender fingers trailed over each flower. "Oh yes. Every flower has a hidden meaning, a special message just for the recipient. These are lilies and white ones stand for purity, worthiness. Gladiolus, what a lovely shade of yellow, are for strength of character. Thyme is for courage." Her fingers continued and the blond walked over to watch her touch them, curious. "Those are the only ones I know I'm afraid. My apologies."

"No, no, please. I'm so glad you told me! Thank you so much, Captain." He bowed politely and she smiled softly as Isane arrived and handed over the vase. Kira arranged the blossoms carefully and settled them on the corner of his desk. "Thank you."

"You are most welcome. Please, come by and have tea with us sometime." After he nodded and agreed, the pretty Captain turned and glided out, Lieutenant on her heels.

Thin shoulders slumped and he examined the pretty bouquet again. 'Courage, strength of character, and worthiness. Maybe they weren't for me after all.' He'd been so happy to get them, a gift just for him, he hadn't really questioned where they came from. 'Unless it's a joke of some kind.' His shoulders slumped further at that thought. He considered throwing them out but they were just too pretty and he nudged them to the edge of his desk, half hoping they would fall. At least then he could throw them away without feeling guilty.

There was another knock and he answered listlessly. The door slid open and a pink blur darted over to hang from the corner of the desk. "Key! Lemme see the flowers!"

"Lieutenant, what did I say before we left?" Yumichika stood in the door, smiling indulgently.

"Oh." The little girl leapt back and stood a few feet away. "Lieutenant Kira, can I look at the flowers?" Delicate throat clearing from behind her and she rocked on her heels for a second. "Please?" Dark hair tilted that her request was acceptable.

Kira smiled a bit and waved her forward. "Certainly." A squeal of victory was cut short by the back of her coat being grabbed and her feet kicked busily in the air.

"No touching, be careful, don't wreck anything."

"Meanie!" She just hung and kicked, her captor unmoved. "Oh alright. Fine." She was set back down and walked slowly over to peer closely at the blooms. "Pretty! Where did you get them?"

"Ah, they just arrived this morning for me. A gift."

"Just like a girl!" Izuru's face flushed instantly and he looked away. "Can I touch 'em?"

"Lieutenant..."

"It's fine. Go ahead, just don't drop them, please." The blond leaned back and watched the girl lift the vase carefully and set it on the floor where she plopped down and began to play with a little purple flower.

Yumichika slipped over beside the younger man. "What's wrong? Don't you like them?"

"Oh, yes, they're very nice." The sad note in his voice was muffled under a smile. "Nothing is wrong, really. But I think they were delivered to the wrong person."

"No they weren't." Blue eyes cut up to see a wide smirk. "I brought them, I should know."

Kira's eyes widened. "Then, then you know what they mean? Are they from" He stopped and looked away. "It doesn't matter, really."

A slender hand rubbed his head, mussing the long bangs. "Certainly it does. I'll tell you what they are, but you'll have to figure it out on your own." A pen and paper were nudged over to brush the blond's hand. "That stalk of purple flowers is hyacinth, that pink one there is an orchid, the bright blue one is an iris, that's a white lily. These are herbs, the light blue one is rosemary and the darker one is thyme. The pale yellow ones are gladiolus and those rounded ones are tulips."

Kira scribbled quickly, struggling with the unfamiliar names. "But where did they come from? And who?"

"You know who. And we got them in the mortal world. One of the few truly beautiful things there, don't you agree?" The blond nodded slowly, mind whirling at the possibilities; it couldn't be a joke, could it? No, Ikkaku wouldn't do something so cruel, no matter how angry he was. He was certain of it.

Yachiru looked up from her place on the floor. "What are you gonna do with them?"

"I'm, not sure yet. I suppose they'll sit on my desk for a while until they wilt and then I'll throw them away." The girl hummed and petted the soft pink tulip in her hands. "Would you like one? I'm sure Yumichika would be happy to help you look after it." Just because he couldn't resist harassing the older man a bit; served him right for not sharing.

Brilliant pink hair whipped up and she grinned brightly. "Really?" She didn't wait for a response, just hopped up and handed her chosen flower to the brunet. "Hold this. You look after it from now on."

The lovely man smiled and closed his hand around the bright tulip. "Certainly, Lieutenant. I believe it's time to go. The Captain had somewhere to go this afternoon." Bright feathers flicked in a wink and they were gone, Yachiru's high voice cheering as they raced down the street towards home.

Kira was left alone, glancing from his list to the vase on the floor. 'They all mean something, do they? How curious.' A puzzle, created for him and only him. Warmth curled in his stomach and he smiled a bit as he crouched to lift the bright flowers back to his desk, planting them squarely in the middle, just in case.

Tentative questions led him from the Fourth to the Tenth then over to the Sixth and finally all the way over to the Thirteenth barracks. His little list was nearly filled in and his cheeks were pink from the message forming on it. Matsumoto had tried to follow him but he avoided her efforts by providing a drink at the first bar they passed and slipping out the back door; she just wanted to laugh anyways, thrilled with the romance of it all. A quick glance at his list again and he blushed more before knocking quietly.

While he waited, he skimmed over the flowing words, elegant even in his tiny writing. Pink orchids for rare beauty, blue irises for faith and valor, white lilies for purity and worthiness, the pale purple thyme for courage, yellow gladiolus for strength of character. And tulips, his favorites so far and the most variable; each color had a different meaning, each design, and even as a bunch. The red and blue ones were for beautiful eyes, white ones for worthiness and forgiveness, and the whole bunch together stood for a perfect lover.

Beautiful, even if he wasn't sure what to do with them now that he knew. Only the little purple hyacinth and the bright blue rosemary were left and he almost turned away, retreated before he was obliged to find the answer. But the door opened and Captain Ukitake stood looking down on him, smiling. "Come in, Lieutenant Kira. I'm told you have some questions?"

A darker blush rose in the blond Lieutenant's cheeks but he stepped in and bowed carefully. "Yes, Captain Ukitake. Would you permit me to ask them?"

"Of course." A gentle smile and he waved for the younger man to precede him down the hall. They settled at a low table and sipped tea slowly for a moment. "What can I tell you?"

A final consultation of his paper, even though he had the entire thing memorized by now and Kira spoke quietly. "I was wondering if you knew what rosemary and hyacinth stand for."

"Hmm." The older blond's cup touched the table softly "Perhaps." He stood slowly and made his way to the bookshelf, running long fingers over titles until he pulled a deep brown book down. "Here we are." Pages flipped quickly and a slender finger crooked, motioning the smaller man over.

Bright pictures sat beside full explanations of the flowers, medical properties, care requirements, anything a person might ever need to know about them. "Fidelity?" What a strange thing to send. Kira's face burned suddenly, embarrassment making his voice high. "What, ah, what does hyacinth mean, please, sir?" More pages flipped and the Captain watched him silently, smiling gently at the shock on the young man's face. "I, I, I'm sorry sir, please forgive me." A quick bow and he was gone, running down the hall and bursting out of the barracks.

'Ah, to be so young again.' A soft chuckle as he reread the page. 'Hyacinth is traditionally used as an apology, tucked into a bouquet for a wronged lover or sweetheart.'


	10. Chapter 10

And our second lemon of the story. As I'm rereading and getting this ready for posting, I realize it's much more of a love story than I originally wrote it to be. Which is strange, you would think I would know my own writing best. Oh well. Enjoy regardless of my rambling.

Kira

I think I'm going crazy. He didn't really send me that, did he? My feet pound the dirt as I run, racing back home. I have to find him, ask if, if it was some kind of joke, some kind of, I don't know. I'm losing my mind. He can't mean...

"Captain! Captain Ikkaku!" The door jumps from its rail but I keep going; someone else can fix it. "Captain!" He's here, he has to be. Tetsummi steps in front of me but I push him aside and race through to the office, still yelling. The office door opens before I get there and I make out a familiar bald head seconds before I launch myself at it, clinging to his waist with my legs, arms around his neck.

"Kira?" He's grabbing me, hold me up. "What's wrong, I hmph!" I cut him off, greedily devouring kisses, trailing them over his face and neck, licking his ear as he stumbles backward and kicks the door closed.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm"

"Shh, easy." We're sitting, where did the chair come from? I can't think, I just have to hold him and kiss him and tell him how sorry I am. Please, please forgive me, I was selfish and upset but that's no excuse and... He's talking to me, whispering in my ear how lovely I am, how lucky he is that I forgive him.

"No, no, please, forgive me, I, I was selfish and awful and" Warm lips stop my rambling, wet tongue slipping inside as I moan and wriggle, pressing against him eagerly. It's been a week, a long, lonely week by myself in a cold bed, no warm body to snuggle against, no big hands to sooth away the daily tension.

Those strong hands I missed so are rubbing up and down my back, rolling my eyes back as I arch into them; one moves to my front and teases, running lightly over my chest. "Please, yes, please!" I'm already hard, hips rocking into his, crying against his lips, his skin as it fills my mouth. "Please!"

Begging never has an effect on him and it doesn't now either, his hands slowing, rubbing gently, flicking rings through my shirt. I want to just rip his clothes off, lick him, lap at his skin and body, absorb him into me, but I'm suddenly shy, embarrassed by my aggressive behavior. I bury my face into his neck, hiding but he knows; he always knows.

Soft kisses press at my skin, teasing me up to look at him. "Sweet Kira. I missed you."

Simple words, kind and probably not even true but I love them, hold them close with a smile as I return his kisses, let him run his hands over me. Soft gasps are muffled at first but he whispers to me, calls me to speak to him. "Ah! Yes, please, there, please!"

A push and I'm against the desk, no longer in his lap, and I reach, wanting to be close again, to feel him against me. Another push and I scramble to turn, pants falling under his hands. My hips push back, wanting to feel his heat, and I moan when he presses against me. "Kira." My name sounds so amazing, more arousing than any touch, kiss. "Izuru." Shudders run down my spine, arching my entire body into the sound.

Hard fingers glide over my skin, tracing my spine and the curve of my ass, slick with oil from the drawer. It leaves a cool trial over my skin he blows on, bringing tears to my eyes. I ache, I want him to curl around me, envelop me in that warmth, fill me with his strength. Finally, a single finger slips in, turning gently as I buck against the hard wood; it hurts to force my hips against the desk but it's nothing compared to the want, the need I only feel for him.

Soft chuckles brush my hair aside and dry lips touch my back, the scrape of teeth terrifying and delicious. Another finger and I cry, the stretch and burn driving me higher; I'm afraid to fall and clutch at his free hand, pulling it around to rest on my stomach where I can hold it. I have to believe he'll protect me, hold me up.

He's pulling away and I lean backwards, seeking him, his touch, the slick glide of his cock. He hasn't even touched my erection and I'm crying, a needy mess. Shame is brief but desire stronger. "Please, please, Captain." A hard hand slaps me, a sting on my ass making me gasp and jerk away. "Ikkaku!" Even the sharp pain is erotic, my need too high to stop.

The sting fades under his touch, gentle and soothing as he rubs the red away, petting me. "Good, very good Izuru." Panted moans are all I'm capable of. I can hear his smile as he presses the head of his erection to me, nudging it just past the first ring of muscle. "What do you want?"

"You! Please, Ikkaku, please."

"Don't beg!" I jerk against the desk again, startled by the anger; his voice smooths immediately, gentle and encouraging. "Tell me what you want, Izuru, and I'll give you anything."

Red flushes my face, I can feel it creeping over my skin. "I, I, want you." A deep breath as he leans over me, licking my ear, humming into it. "Inside me." He chuckles again, pressing slowly forward. I lean forward, panting jerkily, arms trembling as I try to hold myself up.

Thick arms wrap around my waist, one sliding down my stomach to enfold my cock, tunneling it lightly while the other moves up under my shirts to tug at one ring then the other. Slow thrusts, his chest pressed to my back, heavy words of praise, of desire. I'm burning up, I can't wait, my hips move rapidly, fighting his hold. My hands reach around and pull him forward so I can kiss him, sliding my tongue into his mouth.

A low groan and he speeds up, slamming me forward before jerking me back to meet him again. My feet barely touch the floor, my weight held easily and I scream, drowning as I shudder, seed spurting across the wood and over Ikkaku's hand. A few last strokes and he's groaning in my ear, calling my name as I loll back, hands clenching his uniform collar tightly.

I won't let go, I was so stupid and I won't do it again. I may be slow but I'm not a complete idiot.

Ikkaku

Well fuck me. I didn't expect him to be that happy. Not complaining! Not at all, that was unbelievably hot, his body crying under me, sweet voice rising with every touch. I definitely understand why Ichimaru had to have him. I hug him close, nuzzling behind his ear, whispering nonsense. What I'll never understand is how the bastard could hurt him; I can barely mark him, he's so perfect as he is.

"Let go now." His hands are fisted in my collar, nearly strangling me. Long bangs shake quickly and he curls backwards to rest his head on my shoulder "Come on, we can't stay here." It's a bit uncomfortable and we may as well sit. I let him go and he sags against me, still holding on; I pry his fingers away and step back, hand on his hip to turn him.

Wet streaks run down his thighs and my lips are instantly dry and no amount of licking will wet them again. A slender hand glides through the mess and he stares at it, a slight frown before he licks tentatively. I swear the air suddenly vanishes. That pink little tongue flicks over his fingers, elegant and delicate, and I need him to lick me like that. Right now. My lips slant over his, forcing them open to taste myself diluted on his tongue.

The chair is behind me and I sit heavily, yanking him into my lap, pants falling to tangle around his ankles and be kicked away, shirts falling aside, ripped away by needy hands. He kisses me back, hands sliding over my chest, pushing dark cloth away and pressing hard enough to count ribs, flickering over flat nipples long enough to tease them to points then gone. They're circling my belly button and following the sleek muscle of my abdomen down into curly hair to touch lightly, teasing sensitive flesh. I hold my breath, kissing him fiercely as he slowly sneaks both hands around me, stroking slowly; even though I just came, just had him, my cock fills again slowly and he smiles, pink cheeked but happy.

"Sir?" A quick pinch to his ass sends him jerking forward and inadvertently squeezing me tightly; I groan and push against him. "Ikkaku, the flowers..."

"What about them?" Not really a priority here, Kira; moving those sweet little hands would be good. But he's staring at my shoulder, hands still.

I sigh and remove his hands; no point in getting worked up if I'm not going to get to finish. In a minute. He licks his lips and picks at a short nail, glancing up nervously. "I, um" His cheeks are flushed from sex and embarrassment; so beautiful. "Th, thank you. They, they're beautiful. Um, I, well"

A smile tugs at my lips and I lean forward to kiss him quickly. "Yes."

"Yes?" Rapid blinks as he tilts his head.

"Yes, I meant it." Pink cheeks flood red and he makes a choked sound. "I'm an asshole but I don't try to be that big a prick." Soft stuttering is muffled under my mouth. "Now, what are you going to do about this?" My index finger trails over my still hardening cock, his more slender ones following.

His smile is sweet and he kisses my neck, licking along my collar bone, the barest edge of teeth teasing my pulse. Strong little hands wrap around me again and he strokes slowly, thumbs rubbing the thick vein along the underside. I let him touch, kiss, do as he likes, my hands on his hips, thumbs dark against milky thighs and the soft blond hairs.

Quick little fingers slide down to cup my balls, rolling the silky sack in his palm as he presses gently behind; breathing becomes only gasps, pleasure arcing through my body. When my eyes open again, he's smiling a bit, watching my face carefully. "Kira." White flashes as he nibbles his lip then leans forward to nip my ear.

"Call me Izuru." Oh shit. Him being bold is driving me insane. And I thought I was hard before.

His hand is on my shoulder, pushing away, the other dipping into the leaking beads of fluid at the tip of my erection. Blue stares into my darker eyes as he sticks his finger in his mouth, sucking and licking loudly; I can't look away until he winds the wet finger down his body. That slim digit weaves over his chest, flicking each ring before moving the one through the head of his penis, gasping with each touch.

Several drops collect and shine on his skin; he raises them slowly, still staring at my face, and licks them away slowly, moaning around his fingers. I moan with him and drag him in hard, forcing his mouth open with my tongue. I'm met eagerly, a little tongue chasing mine around, teasing and running.

His mouth is filled with our taste, heady, salty, and mingled with that of his skin, a delicate taste, like him. "Ah, sir, please!" Two fingers slide over his ass and shove in, smoothed by thick cooling seed. I bite down on his neck as he shrieks and slams forward, thrusting against my stomach hard enough to hurt.

"One of these days, you will learn." Loud pants in my ear while he shudders under my hands, whining under his breath. I check quickly that he isn't hurt but the heavy erection is steady against my stomach, the whines encouraging, pulse pounding, asking for more. "Tell me, Izuru, what is it you want?"

Those sexy little sounds don't slow at all, just get louder as I move my fingers, pressing in and out, rubbing the bundle of nerves each time. "Please, please, anything, please." He always begs, curling around my hands; this time I push him away, make him stand.

The blue of his eyes is so bright when aroused, flaring at me from behind thick bangs. I turn him away, pushing him towards the desk again and he steps forward eagerly, leaning on the edge. The curve of his ass gleams, wet from my hands and seed, the bright pink of his entrance brilliant against pale skin. "Please!"

"Don't beg." I lean over him, not quite touching, teasing him with the heat of my body as he pants. "Command me." I close my eyes and focus on controlling my reitsu. It's my biggest weakness but I manage enough control to run lightning fingers over his back, arching it and drawing little cries.

His back stills in mid arch as what I said registers, muscles trembling. He remains silent as I reach over and retrieve the oil from the desk corner and I can feel his eyes on me from behind light-colored bangs. "Ikkaku." I don't look up from pouring oil on my hand, coating my fingers generously. "Madarame." I do look up then, the surprise of his calling my last name without being forced breaking my focus on not spilling; it's incredibly intimate to hear from his mouth when no one calls me that. The bottle falls from my hand, suddenly numb. "Fuck me."

Heat bursts over my cheeks and my hips move on their own, slick hand stroking once before I plunge in, pushing until he cries out. I knew he would be incredible when he finally broke through that damned shyness but not like that. Half-lidded eyes filled with lust staring at me over his shoulder, hair tossed back to expose the line of his jaw and neck, lips damp from the flicking tongue and bright red from our kisses, need, demand in the stark lines of his cheeks and the clench of his jaw; I'll never last.

My hand settles on his stomach, the other cupping him firmly, stroking quickly as I slam home, filling him to the screaming point. And he does, squirming and bucking under me, voice echoing in the room. The angle is right, I can feel his sweet spot with each thrust, the soft bump as I pass over it, the quiver of his reaction. When he comes, his entire body convulses, head whipping back to pound against my shoulder, nails scratching harshly over thick wood, ass clenching around me. I don't have a chance in hell.

Orgasm sweeps over me and I bury my face in the nape of his neck to muffle the yells while I pound the last few strokes. He'll have bruises from that but I can't feel regret. The slight body relaxes against me and I struggle to remain standing, sinking slowly to the floor, cradling him in my lap, still joined. Soft gasps flutter warm breath over my skin, making me shiver so close to orgasm.

"I'm sorry." I can barely hear him. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. And" I can feel his cheeks heating. "That I attacked you. I, I didn't mean it."

"S'ok. I shouldn't have been in your room when I said I wouldn't." A trembling smile and I kiss his forehead. I never thought he meant it when he said he hated me; he responds much too beautifully for that. "I know you didn't mean it. Forgive me? I won't do it again." Soft hair moves under my chin in a nod. "Are you still scared?"

His head jerks up, cracking me in the jaw; we both wince but he pushes back enough to look up, alarm in his eyes. "No! No, I, I'm not afraid, really. I, I just, sometimes I" His breathing is speeding up, clenching his stomach muscles, massaging me from the inside. Oh fuck. I don't think I can survive a third round.

"Calm down." I have to pull out, wringing soft cries from him and a low moan from myself. "It's fine. Not your fault." My hand rests gently on his head, scratching lightly behind his ears as he calms and drowses against me. I know it's not his fault and that he doesn't want to be afraid. Doesn't make it easier to have him flinching away from me. "It's ok to be scared of things as long as you keep going. Don't let it rule you." I don't know if he even hears me, curled on my chest, eyes drifting closed.

Once he's asleep, exhausted and quiet, I lift him and carry him to the small couch in the corner. His undershirt will have to do as a towel and I wipe him down, cleaning carefully, dropping light kisses as I move along. My pants are adjusted to cover me again and I sit to watch him sleep. My precious Kira.

Kira

He was watching me the entire time. I'm sure of it. When I finally wake, he's sitting there in the dim light, hands folded over his stomach and dark eyes fixed on me. My cheeks redden and I tug at the coat covering me. This is embarrassing enough without him staring. "Hello."

He sounds calm, relaxed and I stutter out a greeting. "He, hello. Have I slept long?"

"A bit. Hungry?" I nod quickly and he stands to walk over to his desk. The top drawer opens and he digs through to pull out a small package. "If you want, put this on. We'll go out."

Really? He really wants to be seen in public with me? My hand reaches out and he tosses the paper wrapped parcel. It's soft when I catch it and I open it slowly, peeling back the ribbon; a soft green top and slim legged dark pants fall into my lap. When I lift them, they're light and delicate, very expensive. "S,s,sir? Ar, Are these for, for me?" My voice, is that mine? It's so high, shocked. He can't be serious, to give something this nice to someone like me.

"For fuck's sake, who else? Just get dressed." He's angry now and I look away, reaching for my under shirt and pants. "Leave them, ok? Just wear those." But, but, they're so thin! Doubt must be showing on my face. "Just try them on. You can wear the other stuff if you don't like it."

What can I do? I nod quickly and slide the shirt over my head; it's soft, delicate against my skin, not irritating at all to the rings and thicker than it felt, not sheer like I thought it would be. A small smile and I stand to step into the dark pants; I gasp at the twinge in my thighs and ass. Too long without and too hard. I just grit my teeth and tug soft cloth over my legs. They're much tighter than anything I've ever worn but still comfortable, smooth against my skin. He's grinning at me, watching me cover my fair skin with his gifts. "Beautiful. You look great."

"Thank you." It's, nice, to be complimented, and feels strangely wonderful to wear clothing chosen for me, only for me. This shade of green wouldn't look good on anyone with even a shade darker skin or lighter hair, the pants fit my slender form perfectly, clinging in the right places. "Shall we?"

His grin widens as I hold out my hand for him to lead me. Thick fingers wrap around mine and I follow him out carefully. It's quiet outside, dusk falling silently, the streets nearly deserted, and we walk slowly, holding hands and talking in low voices. I'm a bit surprised when we stop in front of a popular bar, one that has little tables in the back; I never imagined he would want to go somewhere that people might see us.

"Sir, I" A finger taps me firmly on the nose and I start back, eyes wide. "Ikkaku. Are you sure? We can go somewhere, quieter, if you like. I don't mind, really." I don't, I'm really happy that he wants to do something with me at all. A slight smile and he frowns at me.

"What, you don't wanna be seen with me?" I'm pulled forward by my hand to press against him.

My free hand rests on his chest and I stare up. He can't be uncertain, can he? Think I would be ashamed to seen with him? "No! Of course I'm happy to do anything with you!" I can't believe I mean it but I do, more than anything. I look away, cheeks bright. "I'm, really happy you wanted to take me out." It's a frightening thought that it's the truth.

His smile is bright and I smile back, the pleasure in his eyes making my embarrassment worthwhile. "Good. Let's go." He pulls me inside, nudging his way through the crowd to claim a table near the back, a quieter spot. A waitress waves that she'll be right over and he waves back. Several people wave to him and he calls greetings back as we sit. This is very strange to me; I was rarely allowed to go out, and only with _Him, _who would never go somewhere like this. Loud, not immaculately clean, but friendly, everyone seems to know everyone else.

"Ikkaku! Long time no see, babe. What'll ya have?" Buxom isn't quite the word to describe her, all round hips and large breasts, a wide, cheerful grin, and long hair, curly and bouncing almost as much as her breasts. Of course, if she was wearing more than a tiny strip of cloth across them, they might not bounce as much.

I'm just a bit pleased that the Captain doesn't even glance down from her eyes. "Pair of specials and beer for me."

A small hand rests on her plump hip and she arches a well plucked brow at him. "Upgradin'?"

"Fuck no. Gimme the only shit worth drinkin' in this dump."

"Careful, love, I might slip and give you the most expensive bottle." She laughs brightly, teeth shining in the faint light. "And who's this pretty boy?"

She leans over me, ample breasts threatening to spill out as she examines me. "Oi, back off. He's Kira, Lieutenant of the Third."

"Ooh, a Lieutenant. Well, Kira, if you have time later, we should" She edges closer and I try not to stare at the very soft looking breasts trying to attach themselves to my shoulder.

Ikkaku cuts her off abruptly. "Tams, I said back off." She pauses and glances between us before standing up straight.

"Oh ho! Our Ikkaku has settled down!" A whoop and she's off, yelling for another girl as she weaves her way through the crowd.

"Fuck." He sounds disgusted but he's grinning. "Guess I'm off the market for good now. Little gold-diggers." I'm not sure what he means by the gold-diggers comment but being off the market is pretty plain and I look at the table. "Hey." My lashes provide excellent cover. "Not that bad, is it? To be my man?"

I hadn't really thought of it that way. To be Ikkaku's man. Warmth curls in my stomach and I smile a little. My foot edges forward and tucks between his, the other moving around so I can squeeze his leg between mine. High pitched giggling and I look up to see more scantily dressed young women crowding the table. "Aww, they're so cute! Ikkaku, he's adorable! Where did you find him, I want one!"

He leans back, sprawling casually in his chair, foot turned to catch my calf. "Take a hike. Quality guys like this don't go for dried up old hags like you lot." Mock gasps all around and I blush at his manners. "Where's our food, huh? The service here has dropped like a fuckin' rock since I was last in."

Our original waitress, Tams he called her, drops a pair of beers on the table and leans over him scowling. "The only thing quality about you is that guy! And how would you know what the service is like here? You're half tipped by the time you get here anyways." She swings those generous hips away, tossing a bright grin over her shoulder to show she's not offended.

Other girls crowd in but are waved away, big hands flashing by my face to keep them back. "Go on, you lot've got work to do." Huffs and cries of disappointment but they wander off, still smiling and laughing. "Damn it. Sorry, Kira, I didn't think they'd make that big a fuss."

"Oh, it's alright." A trembly smile; I'm nervous at the attention but they didn't mean any harm. "I don't mind." Huge plates of steaming rice and chicken appear on the table. "Thank you very much."

"Oohh, he is just too cute for you!" Big breasts press to my shoulder as Tams leans in. "When you get tired of this brute, come see me, honey. I'll show you the time of your life." Faint growling from across the table and she skips away, laughing.

After that, we're mostly left alone, the occasional visitor stopping by to say hello, chat with Ikkaku, then just wander away. Most of them are unfamiliar to me but greet me anyway, some by name, others as the Captain's companion; most don't seem to know what to say and leave it at 'hello.' It seems a strange way to socialize but the Captain smiles and laughs all evening, joking and teasing me until I smile back. Supper is a huge change from our quiet meals at home; usually we talk a bit, chatting about our likes and dislikes, hobbies, things like that. Here, it's too loud for that and we just make small talk or drink silently, feet tangled.

Later, once I've had enough to not care, he shows me how to play darts, wrapped around me, heat searing my back and cheeks as he guides my hand. He teases and I smile, laughing as I miss by inches. Our hands linger together and he kisses me, right there in the middle of a crowded bar; claiming me for anyone to see and I'm completely unashamed to kiss him back.

I think it's the best night out I've ever had.

It's also the night I realize what a fool I truly am. Staring down at Ikkaku's face, watching him sleep, I finally figure out what the flutter in my chest is. I'm in love with him and he won't love me back. Regardless of what Yumichika says, no one would love me, never mind someone as wonderful as the Captain.

Ikkaku

Damn, he looks amazing in that shirt and those tight pants. Not too tight, just enough to cling a bit, outlining his excellent ass and long legs. I can't believe he asked if they were for him. Who else? They cost me a month's pay but it was completely worth it. His cheeks are red, giving a bit of life to his pale skin. Fuck he's gorgeous. "Beautiful. You look great."

"Thank you." Slender hands run over the cloth, caressing it lightly. "Shall we?" Hell, if he keeps petting himself like that, no, we won't. A hand finally reaches out to me and I take it, amazed as always at the delicate bones. He stands carefully, the faintest cringe as he straightens his back; my arm wraps around his waist and I rub casually, trying to ease the pains. I guess I was a bit too enthusiastic.

Once we hit the street, I take his hand again, tangling our fingers together. I love his skin, so silky and delicate but with the firmness of muscle underneath telling that he's not as soft as he looks. We move slowly, letting him set the pace; I was concerned he should rest but he seems fine now, stretching the kinks out.

Last week, I checked out places to take him, tested the food, the atmosphere. This is our first date and I want everything to be perfect. It took a while, but I finally picked out the perfect place, reasonably quiet in the way busy places can be, friendly girls but not too friendly, decent food, a nice atmosphere. I stop, taking a second to kiss him quick but he's staring at the sign, frowning a bit. "Sir, I" My finger pokes him on the tip of his nose. "Ikkaku. Are you sure? We can go somewhere, quieter, if you like. I don't mind, really."

He doesn't mind? Doesn't he want to be seen with me? I mean, I'm not the classiest guy but I'm not that bad. This shy little smile is peeking at me through long bangs and I frown down. "What, you don't wanna be seen with me?" A firm tug brings him in to press against me, hand on my chest as if to push away.

"No! Of course I'm happy to do anything with you!" I'm not sure I believe him, he's blushing and looking away, shifting his weight uncomfortably. "I'm really happy you wanted to take me out." Close examination shows him to be telling the truth, at least as much as I can determine.

No matter, he said it was fine so we'll go. We can leave if he isn't ok. A quick grin and he beams up at me. "Good. Let's go." He's lagging behind me but follows with a little encouragement. To the back, where I can see a table and glare at the kids thinking of taking it; they suddenly see one along the opposite wall. Tams bounces over, still wearing that ridiculous outfit. It's been years since I was last here but some things never change.

Tempting as it is to peek, I'm almost certain there will be no more sex for a month or six if I get caught. I just crawled back into that bed, I'm not throwing it away to look when I'm not even interested. A bit of teasing, a quick warning to keep her off my date, and she's off, laughing and calling the news of my being taken. Wench. Kira is so sweet, staring around him and trying not to look like it.

I know almost everyone here and wave back at the occasional call, chatting casually. My blond sits quietly, sipping his beer, smiling when spoken to but not really participating. But his feet are wrapped around my ankle, wiggling a bit and I grin at him. He doesn't even realize most of our visitors are here to see him.

They are curious, and I don't blame them; if my time lines are right, Kira has been out of the academy for almost a century. And I bet half the occupants of Seireitei have never seen him. At least not close enough to pick him from a crowd. A few are brave enough to try to chat but he just smiles and answers quietly, focused on me. I'm the luckiest guy here and I can't help a bit of physical boasting, shoulders back, chest out.

His smile is getting brighter and he's drinking faster as his inhibitions fall. When I offer to teach him to play darts, he laughs and leans against my chest, letting me guide him gently while he fondles me through my clothes. "Stop that." Oh yeah, he's drunk, overly bright eyes laughing up at me. I capture his hands and he pouts vaguely, watching me through long bangs.

Kissing him is so, so sweet, light and gentle. His lips part under mine and he's kissing me back, using my grip on his arms to spread mine, letting him lean into my chest. We stand and kiss, tongues playing gently, the bar noises around us fading to nothing until Tams presses her big breasts to my back. "'Kkaku darlin', you wanna take that home." Reluctantly, I pull away and glance around.

It wasn't just my obsession with him that made the noise fade. It really did, just so they could stare at us. Naked lust on more than a few faces and I sweep my thrilled blond into my arms, cradling him. "Put it on my tab?"

"Course. And I'll come by and collect it myself, just for a chance to look at your cutie there." She's always been a bag, Tams has. I flip her off and she waves merrily as I try not to stumble too much on the way home.

Soft purring and I glance down to see blue watching me. A small hand pets at my cheek, rubbing up over my ear and running over smooth skin. "Captain."

It's a whisper, happy, relaxed, and I love it. "Yeah, Kira." We're home, finally, and I slide the door with my foot. The click of it sliding shut behind us as I travel the hall tells me someone was waiting up for us but I don't really care who it is.

I only care about the darling blond in my arms. We lay down quietly, not even bothering to undress and he cuddles close, arms still around my neck. "Ikkaku" He keeps murmuring my name and I rub his back, whispering back to him until sleep closes his eyes. "Love you."

Did he? Holy shit! "Kira?" Not even a whisper of movement. "Kira!" I don't dare be too loud, I have no idea what I'll say if he does open his eyes, but how can I just leave it like that? Will he even remember in the morning? I don't know if I want him to. A quiet snore and I lay back down, tucking him into my side and staring at the ceiling.

Sleep comes slowly and I wake to find him sprawled across my chest, watching me. A sleepy smile, a quiet 'Good morning.' and he's off, headed for a bath without a word. My head pounds but the inexperienced drinker is enjoying his morning after; oh, to be that pure again. All day, I watch but he doesn't remember. I'm sure of it.

Relief and regret mix, leaving me staring after him until he blushes and moves away. Damn.


	11. Chapter 11

Kira

Inspection day. I can't believe it's already been three weeks; feels like a decade. Barracks are busy today, everyone rushing to get ready for the Captains to come by and watch us. Teams are putting in last minute practice and double checking their fight times; the tournament I called a week ago was put off and will be our 'test.'

"Kira!" And the Captain has been especially nervous, stomping around, yelling at everyone. I wish he would just go to his room and stay there until we call him.

"Yes, sir!" He's snarling from the main door, kicking at an imaginary dust bunny.

Dark eyes turn to glare at me and I smile. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Just getting ready sir. A few more minutes and we'll be completely finished." A low grunt and he kicks again. "Oh, sir? Renji was looking for you earlier. Have you spoken to him?" A tiny fib; I asked my friend to distract his old trainer.

"What? What did he want? Fucking idiot." I just smile blandly until he stomps away, heading for the Sixth Division. A tiny sigh of relief and I go back to organizing the last seconds before show time. Only an hour to go and we're as ready as we will be.

Tetsummi and I take charge of greeting our guests, seating them while the Fourth serves sake and tea. Only Captains were invited but most have brought their Lieutenants as well, as expected. It's only an exhibition match, not usually a big deal. But it's also our new Captain's first time as leader, the first chance he has to show he is capable, and we will make him proud.

Teams have been carefully chosen and matched strength for strength. They're finishing dressing as we seat our guests; Tetsummi and I are the last match and will slip away as soon as the second last set begins. I hide a smile as Renji hauls Ikkaku energetically up the street, nagging about being late as he's cursed for making them late in the first place.

"Captain, everyone has arrived. We'll start in a few minutes, if you approve." I bow but glance at him from under my bangs as he huffs and stalks past me.

Renji shrugs and follows, grinning; I guess I was caught. A quick look around and I'm struck by the difference in leaders that our thirteen squads contain; from the icy Byakuya to the uncaring Kenpachi and back to the formal Unohana and the casual Kyouraku. Their Lieutenants are as varied and I wonder if, perhaps, our little ragtag division might fit in somehow.

The Captain is looking at me and I bow, stepping forward to formally welcome everyone and introduce the first match. There will only be a dozen but each is important, a mix of new and experienced men, and I watch carefully from the sidelines, kneeling at Ikkaku's side. The first nine matches go smoothly and I introduce the tenth, preparing to leave for my own.

A hand on my sleeve holds me down and I lean in. "Did good, Kira. We eat after yours?"

I go to answer, to tell him that everything is ready when I hear "Hadou 24, Shuryuudan!" I'm moving before I even realize it, hands raised, the chant sliding through my mind and over my tongue.

"Soukatsui!" I use one hand to call the blue flames and the other to spread them in a shield. There is no one on the field who can control Shuryuudan, the little blasts spreading farther than they should, pummeling my thin protection. I can hear and feel others setting defenses hurriedly but I hold my barrier, trembling as out of control reitsu slams against mine. They are our guests and it is my duty to protect them.

Finally, it stops and I drop to my knees, panting faintly. "Sir, I" What am I supposed to say? I don't how it happened? I didn't think anyone would try something so silly and obviously beyond their abilities? "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He doesn't speak and I bow lower. I'm so ashamed, that we couldn't even be worthy for an hour. "I'm sorry, sir."

"What the hell were you thinking?" I don't dare look up but suddenly I'm on my feet, staring up into angry eyes. "What the fuck are you apologizing for?" My mouth gapes open and I stare at him, confused. The flash of temper is gone as quickly as it arrived and he sets me back down, smoothing my shirts gently and lifting my hands, burned from holding the flame too closely. "Fuck. Captain Unohana, can you look after this?"

"Oh, sir, I can" I'm so embarrassed, the other Captains and Lieutenants are looking away, politely ignoring my horrible failure.

"Just be quiet." I shrink down and let myself be settled beside the Fourth Division Captain, hands healing quickly. Please don't notice the men kneeling in the center of the sparring range. Of course he does, how can he not? But he says nothing, just hovers over me for a minute until I lift my hands for him to inspect.

Once he's satisfied, he pulls me over to sit beside him, a hand on my head and the other around my waist. "You're not fighting. Call the next fight."

Not fighting? But... A glance at his face and I quietly call Tetsummi to announce the next group. They bow and begin but the Captain isn't watching them. He's staring at me and I try to watch the ground. "Kira." His voice is soft, meant only for me and I nod to show I hear him. "You did good. I'm proud of you. You didn't have to hold it yourself, there were others who would have helped." I peek up when he says he's proud but glance away quickly. "From now until tomorrow night, you are absolutely forbidden to fight or use any kind of kidou. Let others help you."

Forbidden? But, but, that's my best weapon! What if something happens? What if someone gets hurt? What if, if, I don't know! Something, anything, I might have to use it. I'm certain panic is clear on my face but he just leans in and whispers in my ear. "We're here with you. We'll all protect you and ourselves. Have faith." I don't know if I can but I suppose I have to try. I nod quietly and let him pull me against his side.

Supper is a fairly quiet affair, other than Yachiru; without Yumichika there to hold her back, she runs wild, clambering over and around the tables, racing from end to end. I try to lure her away from the Captains' table but she insists on eating with Kenpachi, who mostly ignores her. Much to Renji's loud amusement, all my efforts are ignored or screamed out loud, so that everyone glances at me from time to time. The second I give up, she's clinging to my waist, asking me to play with her.

Renji falls over laughing until I send her to pester him to see his sword's form. The volume rises but no one seems to mind and I relax enough to smile and laugh with the others. It's nice, to be able to eat and laugh, tease and congratulate each other on our reflexes, or harass the slower people. There is much bragging about both their abilities and those of their Captains, becoming more outlandish with each bottle of sake consumed, and just as much teasing.

I'm a bit tipsy at the end of the night but can still stand, which is considerably more than I can say for almost everyone else. Lieutenant Ise chases them home, gathering the most sober of each Captain/Lieutenant pair to act as guide. Mostly, I just wave and say goodbye and try not to get in her ever efficient way. When they are all gone, I turn to go back to go to the Captain and promptly stumble and start to fall, giggling helplessly. Strong arms curl around my waist and lift me up. "Captain." It's more of a sigh than the exclamation of surprise it was meant as; I thought he was drunk hours ago.

"No, sir. Should I take you to him?" Oh, it's Tetsummi. I snuggle into his chest and nod, gripping the lapels of his uniform. He's nice and warm and I'm so very tired.

The next thing I remember is being tucked into bed and cuddling up to another warm body. "Good night, Kira."

"Night, Teshummi." I frown at the slurring of his name but he smiles and pats my shoulder before leaving, taking the small lantern with him. "Shorry." I can't seem to speak between the alcohol and exhaustion.

He pauses and looks over his shoulder briefly. "Whatever for?"

"Din't get to fight." My eyes won't stay open and I sag back down, blinking as fast as I can. "Ssorry." There, I said it better this time.

The small smile vanishes and he steps quickly over to lean over me, a big hand brushing my bangs aside. "Kira, you never have to be sorry to me. You saved a lot of trouble today and let the Captain show off how strong you are. He's been bragging about you all night." I just blink at him, confused. Why would the Captain brag about me? A low, frustrated groan and his hand runs through long shaggy hair. He kneels beside the bed and rolls me towards him so our faces are close. "Kira, Izuru. He knows exactly the prize he has. And you like him too, we all know it."

My face turns red, embarrassment at being so obvious showing. "Do me this one favor." I nod quickly, ignoring the way his face circles in front of me; I'm mostly certain it's the alcohol. He takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly. "He's a good man and he's proven it over and over. Let him take care of us. Trust us to him and do as you like. Please Izuru."

It almost sounds as if he's asking me for something but I'm not sure what. "Tetsummi?" A tiny frown crosses my face and he pulls away, smiling softly. "What..."

"Shh. Go to sleep, Kira." A last brush of bangs and he's stepping away, ignoring my calling his name. "You made the right choice. Good night, Lieutenant." A quick little salute and he's gone, the door closing before I can call him again.

Choice? What choice could I have made? Ikkaku shifts beside me and I rub his stomach idly, listening to his breathing. I'm wide awake now, sober as can be and confused as hell. Is he upset with me? But he wants me to leave my post as caretaker and 'do as I like.' Whatever that means. I like what I'm doing, like protecting the men, even if they don't need protection from the Captain. Like being with Ikkaku. Unless he wants me to... choose something else. My eyes widen and I start to rise.

A hard hand grips my wrist. "Leave him. Unless you're going to him?" A soft gasp and I turn to look at him, faint lights from outside reflecting off his head. His eyes are covered by shadows but I can feel the intense stare.

Am I going to Tetsummi? No, no, he's my best friend, my most trusted companion but never a lover. Ikkaku reads my decision on my face and pulls gently, bringing me down to his chest, thick fingers trailing my bangs. "Go to sleep. He'll be fine in the morning."

But I want to go to him, I must have hurt him. He smiled but it was empty, devoid of any pleasure. It hurts me too, to think he might not be my friend in the morning. Still, going after him now might not be the best thing. Maybe I should let him think it out overnight and see how it is in the morning. I wonder vaguely if it's really for the best or if I'm merely being selfish and hoping it will go away.

My moments of sobriety have caught up with me and I'm so very tired, the warmth from the big body next to me urging me to drift. Gentle lips touch the curve of my ear, soothing me into sleep.

Breakfast arrives quietly, Tetsummi smiling at me as always as he hands me the tray. I feel a bit awkward, off center but he says nothing other than 'Good morning.'

Ikkaku and I eat slowly, nursing little hangovers. "Ikkaku?" He isn't in a very good mood this morning and I have a favor. He grunts at me. "I would like to have a training session today, for kidou use." Now comes the favor. "Instead of morning practice."

"No." No hesitation and I look away, setting my plate down. "You can do it in the afternoon."

"But, sir! They'll be tired. It's better if I have them do it in the morning. They can have physical practice in the afternoon."

He grabs at me and hauls me in to sit in his lap. "Why, Kira, should I listen to you? Sirring me to death this early in the fucking morning. I let you get away with far too much." A frown focuses on me but I just glare up, crossing my arms; I don't care if I am being a bit spoiled. "It's high time those lazy brats you call a squad learned some stamina. They're nearly useless."

I gasp and squirm, offended by his criticism of our division. We've worked very hard to get better and have improved immensely in the short item he's been here! "Sir, that's not fair to the men. They've worked hard and did well yesterday."

"Sure they did. Tried to blow us all up." So he is annoyed about that. Fine. A little huff and I look away, hands folded in my lap. My lower lips trembles a bit and I try to move away from him; he grips my hips and pulls me closer. "Don't be like that." His tone has changed dramatically, from a bit rough and annoyed to almost wheedling. I just sigh and continue looking at the floor.

He'll crack, he's unbelievably weak to the 'I'm sad but can't say anything' ploy. "Sir, please let me go. I should clean up now." I still can't believe Yumichika shared this little trick with me.

His nose presses into my neck and he sighs loudly. "Alright, fine. You can have them this morning. But they all better show for practice later."

"Thank you, Ikkaku." My arms are flung around his neck and I snuggle close, dropping little kisses along his jaw. For an instant, he's still before he groans and kisses me back.

"Brat." I laugh and hug him tightly. "I'll catch you next time." Probably not. He's always in such a rush to head off a potential pouting session he doesn't check to see how serious it is; obviously something Yumichika taught him.

Tetsummi is waiting for me as always and we move together as we always have, seamlessly instructing the men in exercises. I'm so very glad he isn't upset with me and that he still wants to be my friend. Even if I can't return his feelings, he's my best friend and I don't want to lose him, even to gain the Captain.


	12. Chapter 12

**Two months later**

Ikkaku

"Move it!" Fuck, fuck, I hate this, this rush, this scramble to move out in seconds; if it were only me, maybe Yume and Kira, I would love it. There, the last of them flashes by me. The orders came in seconds ago and who knows how much damage has been done by now. I race through the gate as it closes; the brief disorientation of travel and we're back on the ground, facing nearly a dozen hollows, big bastards, and two arrancar. That wasn't in the report.

"Captain!" Kira's running towards me to skid to his knees; he was first through, the position I wanted but he managed to scoot ahead. "The advance squad is gone, wiped out." Well hell, now we're at even more of a disadvantage. Doesn't matter.

"Send Kazuma back for reinforcements. You guys take care of the little ones, I've got the big ones." For a second, he wants to argue but just nods and darts off, calling for our messenger. Commands are being shouted in all directions and my team performs well, coordinating themselves to attack, three per hollow.

No time to be proud, I call Houzukimaru and charge straight in, swinging him over my head. Joy pulses through me, mine and his, the thrill of battle rushing through us. The first cero is dodged and I get a hit in on the bastard's side before the second one swipes at me, sending me flying back to the ground. "Cowards!"

Big, liquid eyes blink slowly at me through a half mask, impassive. I launch again, striking quickly at their heads only to be pushed back by strikes from both sides. They aren't that strong, both in the twenties which is supposed to mean weaker but I'll have to use Bankai; no choice against two. "Bankai!"

The triple blades are heavy in my hands and I relish the feel as I leap forward. Deep cuts have both of the assholes screaming, power crackling through the air, and another sends the smaller one's head tumbling. One down. I laugh, delighted as Houzukimaru shrieks with me, energy rising eagerly as the second bastard falls back to regroup; make it interesting you loser. I won't even be bothered introducing myself to idiots like this.

Kira

I wish I could help Ikkaku but he's determined to take them both on and I'm needed to handle the hollows. Right, lead, Kira, don't be a burden! "Tetsummi! Take half and wipe them out!" A salute as he runs past, his team following neatly. Mine is waiting, already in formation, teams of three and I swing my arm to move them out. "Go!"

"Sir!" They charge and I follow, leaping straight into the fray, Wabisuki swinging, screaming her battle song to me. Long unheard but still harsh and sweet.

The hollows are big but fall quickly under our orderly attack and we split up to aid others, tearing through their ranks. Men fall, screaming but we press on and one after the other, our enemies fall to us. Toudou, our new fourth, takes the lead from me as I drop back to heal as best I can, making sure as many as possible will survive.

It feels like we've been fighting for hours, the injured innumerable, but it's only been an hour at the most, closer to half that we arrived. Wabisuki wants to fight but I resist; life is more important than killing. I keep an eye on both teams so I can go if I'm needed. A shriek from behind my little hospital camp and I turn, dreading the appearance of more hollows, or worse, arrancar.

No. It can't be, please, don't let it be... Kazuma dangles from a long sword through his stomach and out his back, still screaming as it twists. I know that pain, the horror that comes of being impaled on that sword.

Shinsou, and holding his pommel, _Him._

_He's_ grinning at me, smiling as if _He_ never left, never abandoned me, never sliced me to ribbons and tossed me out the door. A flick of _His_ wrist and Kazuma goes flying, falling through the air in a scramble of flailing limbs and bright spray of blood; I want to run to him, close his wounds but he'll be gone by the time I get there. I've seen the former Captain use _His_ sword too often to not know.

_He's_ sheathed _His _sword now, hands open as _He_ approaches, my name on _His _lips. "Kira, my pretty Kira, what are you doing out here? This is no place for you!" The same gentle voice _He _always used with me, kind and loving, right before _He _stripped me and left me screaming.

My chest is tight, I'm fighting to breath already and_ He's_ nowhere near me. Suddenly, _He's_ standing there, touching my face, fingertips brushing my lips, short nails trailing over my eye. "Good boy, still wear my mark. Such a good boy, I missed you." _His_ lips touch mine and I can't move, frozen in old terror and conditioned responses.

Don't move, don't run, don't be sick, just stay and be a good boy. Be a good boy, be a good boy, be a good boy. Sound rushes back, making me stagger under _His_ touch and _He_ smiles more. "Pretty Kira."

Ikkaku's yell of victory makes us both look over, my eyes wide with the faintest hint of hope that he will come save me, _His_ slitted as always, considering. "Kira, you don't think he'll protect you, do you?" A slender arm wraps around my waist, Shinsou in the delicate hand. "Shoot him down, Shinsou."

"No!" Too late, I can't move as the blade flashes across the battle ground to slam through Ikkaku's back. "No, no, please, no." My voice is back to a thin whine, a fragile whimper under _His_ smile; I shake so hard I'd fall if _He_ wasn't holding me up. My Captain falls, slowly, thin blade pulling from his body and I imagine hearing the sucking sound it makes; he staggers, tries to stand, swinging his blade once more before collapsing. My head bows and my shoulders round as the nearly defeated arrancar screams its victory and my old master whispers promises in my ear, beautiful lies.

"Only I can protect you, keep you safe. Only I will stay with you forever, love you always. Even scarred as you are, I find you beautiful." But, but _you_ made me this way, I, I... I watch, terrified as the huge monster laughs and rips at my Captain. Blood sprays and he remains still, not even a twitch of his hand.

Why? Why didn't _He _take me with _Him_ and I could have vanished from this world, pretended _He_ was all I needed, all I wanted from life. That I had a purpose. I needed _Him! _I needed to have a reason, to exist for something and _He_ gave it to me; harsh, brutal, but it was worth it, to be worth something. _He_ gave it to me and ripped it away, leaving me to find something else. Something to believe in.

And now he's laying on the ground, torn apart while I stand here helpless before _Him _as always.

A low moan and I collapse completely, watching as the arrancar spits and steps over Ikkaku to attack another group, wiping them out in seconds. _His _hand rests on my hair, combing it lightly as I kneel at _His_ feet. New hollows pour forward, hidden in my terror but visible now as they shred my men, screams rising. No, no, this isn't happening, please. Please. But there is no one to save me, just like there has never been. Wabisuki screams and I reach for her, pushing away from the silver haired traitor.

I will not stand still. I will fight for once, protect them one last time. I will not kneel.

I will not be afraid.

His grip eases for an instant and I bolt, racing across the field, Wabisuki at hand. He's laughing, they're both laughing, nearly bent over double to see me standing over my fallen commander, sword lifted in front of me as I try to stop the bleeding with my reitsu, splitting my attention. The other men have fallen back, retreated to form a circle for protection around someone in the middle, trying to send a message back for help; unreliable at this distance, a sign of desperation to even try. I see Tetsummi staring after me, wanting to come with me; he would have to go through the arrancar and the dozen new hollows first.

::Izuru.:: Wabisuki's voice, afraid and angry as she flits about, stepping daintily over blood pools and spatter. ::Izuru, what are you doing? You can't fight him.:: Her hair flicks at me disdainfully. ::Just give it up, he's stronger than you.:: I haven't spoken to her in so long, her voice sounds strange, alien. It makes me want to cry, scream that I no longer even recognize my own soul. I've never even been able to call her to physical form and now I have to force it.

::Shut up. So what?:: I glare back, kneeling quietly, waiting for the witch to come closer; her attitude is pathetic, a coward and never willing to try. Exactly like me. Her skirt flips at me in annoyance and she stomps over to kick my foot.

::You shut up! You're the one who wants to die so bad.:: A tiny smile tilts my lips and she runs, darts backwards; not fast enough.

I have her, flat on her back, hand around her neck, legs pinned by mine. ::Gotcha. You will listen to me for once in your life!:: Anger flares at me but I hold on, forcing her down, under my control. I will not fail this time; just once, I will win. ::Obey me!::

Her struggles become more and more faint and my eyes narrow; she's not that weak, she's faking. ::Yes!:: I'm so shocked I nearly let go. ::This time, Izuru,:: My name is a purr on her lips and bright light blinds me, filling me. ::We will win!::

My eyes open, my ears clear; they're still laughing, seconds have passed, mere moments. Wabisuki presses her small hands over mine, our voices melded in a whisper. "Bankai."

Light, light everywhere, surrounding me, inside me, my voice is screaming, I'm almost certain it's mine. My sword warps, moving in a flare of liquid heat and brilliant light, wrapping around my wrist, lengthening on both sides of my hand. A bow, with blades as arcs and energy fluctuating as a string, nearly as tall as I am; my uniform settles around my ankles but it's no longer the same either. Loose pants and shirt are tight now, a deep blue against the pale yellow of my long overcoat that reaches nearly to the ground.

"Ah! Pretty Kira, just like a little Quincy!" Soft clapping, elegant hands coming together gently to mock me.

Energy throbs around us, pulsing in every cell of my body, every corner of my soul. ::Draw me.:: A whisper breathed over my lips and I obey, pulling my hand back, watching the flare of gold as an arrow forms, feeling the pull on my spirit energy as I aim to the sky.

"Disperse." A low roar as I release and the arrow shoots to the sky to vanish with a snap. White noise brings silence; not even the sound of laughter or clapping makes it through. Rain falls, brilliant and brutal, shattering shields as it falls, masks disintegrating on contact; screams, both shinigami and hollow cut through the air, shrieks of pain and despair.

The arrancar charges, moving so slowly; why is he moving slowly? I saw him, he's faster. ::Strike now! While he's weak!:: She's right, it doesn't matter; a scream and I charge, swinging both blades above my head in a double handed strike.

First strike removes one arm, the upward swing guts him in a spray of red and dark purple intestine; my hair is plastered to my face as I swing again, taking a leg and a final crash of metal and bone blasts his mask. The shriek knocks me backwards, tumbling under the force of its rage and pain. My legs won't hold me, I can't get up! Panic sets in as soft steps approach.

"Ah, Kira, Kira, you silly boy." Teasing affection, so kind and sweet; the ultimate lie. "Did you think you could handle Bankai? Look around you, you've already killed half your own men!" No, that can't be! My head barely moves, turning just enough for me to make out still forms on the ground; I can't even see them breathing from here. A soft cry, a whimper under his heel; I'm a failure, as always. A sleek boot rolls me over onto my back, bow across my chest. "How long can you hold it, pretty Kira? How long until you kill the rest?"

No, I won't! I won't! He's laughing again, crouched down beside me, a finger running over my nose. "Well, when you do, maybe I'll come back for you. Would you like that, pretty Kira?" A tear runs down my face and he lifts it, whole and perfect on his finger. A quick lick and it vanishes. "Always such a joy, pretty Kira. Maybe I will come back for you." He stands and walks away, not looking back once as a door rips open for him, shimmering in the pale sky.

I'm afraid. I'm so very afraid, that I've killed the ones I meant to protect, that the Captain is gone. That I will die now, crushed by my own out of control power. But I'm not afraid of Ichimaru Gin. Somehow, he doesn't seem as terrifying now, smaller, not the near-god that ruled us. But he's gone now and I know he won't come back for me; he never would have.

I'm left alone, silently fighting to contain the energy humming through me. What can I do? I can't move, can't throw it away, can't contain it, I feel like I will burst. Can I heal with it? My body convulses, arching up as I release as much as I can, guiding it over the quiet battleground, seeking someone, anyone alive. There, a few signatures reach up for it; I can't recognize them, too much power blinds me. More and more, I push as far as I can, seeking; a bit is taken but most rebounds to me, unused and I scream, jerking against the ground.

Yumichika is suddenly there, sitting on my chest, sword drawn; so pretty as it glows, his hair flying back to dance over his shoulders as his pupils expand. That perfect sight is the last I see and I think it's not so bad to die like this. I don't remember why I was so afraid all these years.


	13. Chapter 13

Yumichika

"Really, Lieutenant, I've told you not to play so rough with the new recruits. They're just not very strong." I'm lecturing Yachiru when the emergency call comes in, static filled and breaking up.

"Pleh-se,-lp uh – ar—car, Ich-ma- Gin. -aptain down, Key-" then only screams before the link cuts out.

Key? Didn't Ikka's group go out earlier? Kira? Shit! "Send reinforcements immediately, we're going ahead." Yachiru is already running, glee in her eyes as we race through the streets to the transport gates. "Send us to Captain Ikkaku's last known coordinates!" The gate opens immediately, glowing as we plunge through.

Even I'm slightly shocked when we hit the ground; blood everywhere, prostrate bodies sprawled across the grounds and no sign of arrancar or hollows. Are they all dead? No, energy washes over us, strong enough to make me stumble before I can throw up enough of a shield to give me some breathing room. "They're gone!" She sounds so disappointed. Kira's reitsu doesn't even faze her, too used to Kenpachi's. I can just make out the source, a small blond form jerking on the ground, collapsed beside Ikka's still body.

Another ball of energy is thrown out to keep most of the healing off me; I recognize the feeling but stronger than any healing should be. "Yes, but we should pick up the survivors, don't you think?" If he would just stop throwing all that energy around, we might be able to get close enough to see who are the survivors. The thin body convulses again, shaking on the ground and energy flies back at him, arrowing in on his suddenly tiny form.

I suddenly realize he isn't throwing it around, he's lost control. He's practically glowing, overload leaking to the area around him and I run; Ikkaku will kill me if I let him die. His hips are jolting under mine, lifting us both up as I call Fujikujaku to hand; blue eyes open and shine nearly purple at me. A slight smile and he closes his eyes again with a quiet sigh. Energy pours into me, more than I've taken before, more than I thought I could take. I have to stop, I can't take more.

But he's calmed, still twitching under me but breathing more easily, no cries of pain. My sword quivers in my hand, filled with so much energy my entire body is vibrating. "Lieutenant." Even my voice is shaking as she wanders over from kicking a few bodies. "Want to play tag?"

A squealed "Yes!" and we're off, my hair streaming back as we race around the field, dodging and leaping. I feel dizzy with power but I can't stop, can't slow down; I'm even keeping ahead of Yachiru, who just screams and runs harder.

Others are arriving, a fighting squad followed by a medical team. I catch glances of activity as we flash by; lifting Kira on a stretcher, Ikkaku being rolled over, scattered others being loaded up and returned home. I don't see any injuries on anyone but they are all so still and limp. I feel no reitsu from anyone, not even those I can see moving from body to body; I think I've overloaded all my senses. A shudder runs down my spine and I increase my speed.

Lieutenant Kotetsu keeps pace long enough to ask if I'm alright then stumbles back. On the next pass, I see her being helped up and wave. We will be fine. Probably. If I can ever stop running. The gate is wavering, it's been open too long, and the rest of the medical team vanishes with their charges. Isane settles on the ground, arms around her knees; waiting.

Occasionally I catch snippets of conversation with her Captain "Fine, still running." "Still running." "Still." "Yes, Captain, still."

Finally, I just fall, Yachiru leaping on my back. "Yay! That was so fun! Lets do it again!"

Ugh. Never, ever again. Next time, I'll let him die. Honestly, my hair is a disaster and I think I broke a nail. A slow roll and I'm looking up at Isane, who crouches down beside me, my little Lieutenant happily crawling on her; she lifts my hands so I can see. Yes, I did, damn it all. I just had those done too. Her dark eyes flit around before she digs a tiny nail file from her medical bag and starts to smooth the rough edges quickly. I smile a bit and close my eyes; always nice to be cared for by someone so smart.


	14. Chapter 14

Ikkaku

Fuck, shit, dammit all to hell, I know that sword, that energy. Fucking Ichimaru. If I could move, I'd kill him; that would be good. He hit something vital, I can feel it, blood is pumping, pouring from my chest, my life draining away as I try to stand; fuck, I can at least kill this bastard. Kira's cry echoes in my ears, sobs clear even from across the field.

Shit, no! I won't... The ground is hard, dirt too saturated with my blood to even fly up when I hit. My hand grips my weapon before sharp claws dig into my side and throw me over to my back, taking chunks of skin and muscle, flinging them everywhere. One last stab and my arm falls to thud beside me, blade too heavy to lift. No, Kira!

He's crying, I know it, I have to get up, help him. Between one blink and the next, he's standing over me, sword held in both hands, trembling but ready, determined. I can't hear anything, my voice is gone and I ache to tell him how proud I am, how much I love him. Color fades first, his bright eyes turning grey, hair vanishing until all I can make out is the white of his skin.

His lips move slowly, forming the word perfectly. "Bankai." Light flares before it all fades; I smile. He'll be fine, my strong Kira.

When I wake next, I'm tied to a bed, heavy metal chains holding me down. "Fuck! Hey, get me the fuck out of here!" Rattling and I think I feel them give. Hard yanks cut into my wrists but I'm sure I felt them give this time. "Get this shit off me! Kira!"

Small bodies pounce on me and I kick them off, bucking and swearing. "Honestly, Ikka, must you be so loud? It's terribly rude." That snotty little voice!

"You are dead when I get these off! This was your idea, wasn't it? Fuck you, let me up!" Frantic hands run over me, trying to hold me as I try to get to that bastard of a best friend of mine.

A soft step and I freeze, power washing over me, commanding and gentle. "Now Captain Madarame, please calm yourself." Unohana stands in the door and her subordinates scatter; I would too if I could move. She may be the second gentlest person in existence but she's damn scary. Even Kenpachi gives to her. "Very good. I will allow you one visitor. Who would you like?"

"Kira." No hesitation, I only want to see him.

A sad smile; no, he can't be. Kira! "I'm afraid he can't be moved. He's still unconscious." He's not dead. He's not dead! "Your third seat is here and has been waiting for you to wake up."

"Yes, thank you. I'll see him then." Maybe he can tell me what the hell is going on; I know I died. Or close enough to not make a difference.

"You know, you could say thank you. I broke two nails and had rough edges on all of them! My manicure was ruined and I had to spend hours getting my hair fixed too. It was awful and you just call me names." Oh great, now he's going to pout. "You're so cruel and awful to me, I just don't know why I'm your friend."

"Cause no one else would have you. Shut up, I'm getting a report.," The indignant huff and sulking I'll have to put up with will be worth it. "Tetsummi! Get your ass in here!"

"Sir! I'm so glad you've woken up. We've been waiting for days now." Days? Then Kira...

"And Kira hasn't woken up yet?" Dark eyes turn away to stare at the floor. "Tell me what happened."

"Yes, sir. We beat them, sir, there was only one left and Ichimaru arrived, walked right up to the Lieutenant. He had more with him, strong ones. We fought our best, got a message through for help. But, the Lieutenant killed them all on his own. He performed Bankai, shot them all down in one strike. Only the arrancar you fought was left and he sliced it to pieces before it was too much." Admiration and respect glow in his voice. "I passed out after that. Ichimaru left without killing us and more than half of us, everyone but you and the Lieutenant, woke before we even arrived back here, completely healed."

"It was Kira." Yume's voice is soft from the chair, eyes on the bedspread. "He tried to heal you all with the excess energy. The rebound nearly killed him before" His voice cut away abruptly and he looked at the wall.

"Before what?" Now I'm really suspicious; what does that skinny little pain know? "Tell me."

Pink rushes into his cheeks and I frown; have I ever seen Yumi truly blush? That faking it crap for effect doesn't count. "Ah, well, you see. Fujikujaku has a, special, ability."

"Yeah, and?" I know that already, hell, I helped him learn to use the damn thing.

Purple looks up, meeting my eyes. "No, Ikka, a very special ability." His lips tilt a bit. "Don't be mad. Fujikujaku siphons an opponents energy and transfers it to me."

What? Yumi's sword is a kidou type? Since when? Obviously since always, but how did I never notice? I just stammer and stare, watching his cheeks turn a dull red. "Well, it's your own fault! You always make fun of kidou, say it's only for those who can't fight!" His shoulders round a bit and he glances away, nibbling his lip.

Aw, hell. Now he's sniffling. Fuck. "Tetsummi, find someone to get this shit off me." He's a smart guy, he'll fuck off. "Yume, come here." Long hairs shakes at me. "Get your ass over here before I rip this thing apart and drag you over. I'll mess up your hair." A shaky smile and he scoots from the chair to lay beside me, head on my chest, fingers tangled in mine. My pretty guy, always so touchy feely. "So why didn't you tell me?"

His shoulders stiffen but he doesn't pull away. "I didn't want you to think you had to protect me."

My eyes roll almost painfully. "Hey, you know I've never felt I had to protect you. Hell, you kick more guys' asses than I do." My eyes close as he nuzzles into my neck, curling around me. "S'ok, I don't care. As long as you've got it under control and don't go crazy with it." Cause he's such a weirdo, he would.

Soft giggling and I roll my eyes; he's such a fruitcake. "Ikka! I don't do things like that! Even if it does make me extra pretty." Quick shifting around and he's sitting on my stomach, feet dangling off the bed, little toes wiggling in the air as he fiddles with his bright neck protector. "Soooo, want to go see Kira?" A sly smile and he tugs a key out of heavy cloth.

"I love you." What else do you say to the guy who makes your dreams come true?

Delighted laughter and he fiddles with the locks. "You're taking me out somewhere nice, right?"

"Sure, sure, anywhere you want. Hurry up!" The key is tossed to me while he scrambles off; I fight with the last lock, awkward with the angle required to reach my foot. "Where is he?"

"Two doors down. Don't get caught!" His warning is nearly unheard as I dart through the door and down the hall, bursting into the dim room.

He's so pale, thinner, smaller. The light hospital clothes make him look too delicate to still survive, to be alive. His chest is barely moving as I sneak over, afraid to make any noise that might disturb the fragile balance of his life. Kira? Wake up, Kira. Please, please, Izuru, my beautiful boy, wake up for me. Silent entreaties have no effect and I risk whispering. "Izuru, I need you to wake up. Just for a second, ok?"

Not even a flick of the eyes or a twitch of the fingers, and I wrap my hand around his, feeling the bird-like bones like glass against me. Ah, Kira, there are so many things I should have said to you, told you how precious you are, how beautiful. How much I love you, need you. I think this is the first time I've ever regretted something; I've always done as I pleased, taken what I wanted and lived every second for all it was worth.

"There you are, Captain Ikkaku." I jolt around then back immediately, afraid I've hurt him. "He's not as delicate as he looks. You won't break him by touching." Soft steps and the long dark braid swings into sight as she leans over him, pressing her hand to his face. "He can hear you, if you want to talk to him." A faint smile and she turns away. "I'll have another cot brought in."

A second of staring after her and I grin. "Hear that Kira? I'm gonna be your new roommate. Poor thing." Still nothing but I hope again; he will wake up and smile that tired little smile and tell me not to fuss.

1234567890

It's another week and a half before he wakes, blinking slowly up at me, gaze unfocused. "Hey there, Lieutenant. Done feeling lazy?" A gentle smile and he closes his eyes again, fading back into sleep. But his hand clings to mine, short nails digging into my skin hard enough to leave tiny crescents of white.


	15. Chapter 15

Kira

It's strange, I don't feel as if I've slept for weeks. I'm not tired but I don't feel any different either.

The first time I wake, Wabisuki is sitting on my chest, poking my cheek. ::You suck. Wake up already.:: Little breasts move in a long-suffering sigh as I blink up at her. ::Hurry up and get better. You gotta practice more before I let you beat me again, mister. I just felt sorry for you.:: Her tiny nose sticks straight up in the air and I just stare up it.

::Did you know you have dark little hairs in your nose?:: I blink again. Did I just say that? Judging by her shocked look and growl of rage, I did. ::Um, sorry. Just, ah, thought you should know.::

I can't believe I said that, it's so rude and bold and, and unlike me. Wabisuki agrees. ::I hate you. I'm never letting you win again!:: And just like that, she's gone. Just as well, I don't think I ever want to win again, not if it's like that; I don't want to hurt others. My eyes slide closed again but I am glad to be here. I just hope everyone else is too.

The second time I wake up, Tetsummi is asleep beside the bed, head pillowed on a large arm against my hip. Footsteps shuffle outside my door, the quiet sounds of a hospital running smoothly and I take a moment to enjoy the peace and calm before memory slams into me.

A loud gasp and Tetsummi is sitting upright, staring at me. "Tetsummi!" Ow, ow, ow, my voice is harsh and my throat burns but I have to know. "The men, are they?"

"Easy, Lieutenant. Everyone is fine. We lost a few but you saved us. Even the Captain." His arm lifts me gently to half-sit and a glass presses to my mouth. I have to drink or drown. "Everything is taken care of. You have to rest, you've been asleep for just over two weeks."

His hands are gentle on my back, running through my hair and I lean against him, crying with relief. Soothing words and soft crooning send me back under, clinging to his shirt. Men trickle in two and three at a time to say hello, to bring me treats, books, candies, just to say thank you and let me look at them. The only one who doesn't come is Ikkaku and I wonder if he's angry.

I know he doesn't believe in interfering with a fight. He thinks that whatever happens is what happens, you lose if you're weak and win if you're strong, but I can't believe that. I can't stand by and let others die when I could help them. It's difficult to focus on the men while I'm so uncertain. Will he send me away? No, he might be angry but he will forgive me, I'm sure of it.

I shake my head and fiddle with the newly cut bangs. The edges of my hair were singed from the backlash and I had Isane trim the bangs to just below my eye and cut the back until it was close to my scalp, the way it was when I was young. It feels strange, almost as I'm just out of the academy again, as if I can smile and laugh the way I did then. I wonder if I can.

**a week later**

Heavy pounding on the door is giving me a headache; this is a hospital, they should be more quiet. I'm just starting to change into my own clothes, preparing to be released and Tetsummi moves to answer the door for me. "Kira Izuru! Open the door!" Loud voices are grating and I can't imagine why they haven't been sent away yet.

"Tetsummi." What is going on? Messages usually come by butterfly or a quiet delivery person. Unless... My chest clenches tightly; unless something has happened to the Captain. "Tetsummi, open the door!" I have to know.

The third and fourth seats of the First Division step through. "Come with us."

"Captain Ikkaku? Is he alright?" Their faces are blank, not a hint either way. "Tell me!"

"Come with us immediately. You are to appear before the council." The third, I wish I could remember his name, grabs my arm and starts to pull me out the door; we halt abruptly, his arm bending backwards, hand jerked away from me.

"Lieutenant, let me handle this." Tetsummi's power is pulsing around us, a fierce glare trained on the First Division men. "Lieutenant Kira outranks you. You will report to him with the proper respect!"

Anger flares in both sets of dark eyes, power growing, making the air heavy. "Tetsummi, it's fine. I'm sure they meant no disrespect. If I am called before the council, I will go of course. Please return to the barracks and take command until I or the Captain return." My hand trembles as I place it on his arm and slide it up to rest against his chest. "Thank you. Shall we?"

Whatever is happening, fighting amongst ourselves is not the answer; we've had enough of that already. Protests are waved away as I pull my jacket from its place beside the door and step out into the snow. It pleases me to see clear paths around our barracks as we pass them and I smile at the bowing cleaners. The walk is short until I step through the wide doors to the council chamber.

Captains are lined up along the walls, their Lieutenants facing them, and everyone staring at me; a quick glance around but I don't see my Captain. Pull your shoulders back, Izuru! Ikkaku would be ashamed to see you cowering before them. My head lifts and I remove my jacket to hand it off before bowing formally to the Captains. My cheeks burn from their scrutiny but I straighten and move down the corridor until I stand facing Captain Yamamoto and his Vice Captain. Another bow and I stand straight, looking them in the eye; I will not be an embarrassment to the Captain.

"Captain Yamamoto, sir, you called for me?" He's looking me over, taking in the shorter hair, the loose hospital clothes I didn't have time to change out of, the badge Tetsummi made sure I had, even in the recovery ward. He's making me nervous, the solemn glare is quite unnerving.

His voice is solemn as well, steady with the feel of age and wisdom vibrating through it. "Yes. Kira Izuru, you have been removed from the post of Vice-Captain of the Third Division. Your belongings are being moved as we speak. Remove your badge."

What? Just like that? I, why? They're sending me away? Taking me out of the Third Division? No, no, I, "No." My voice shakes, hands clenched at my sides. "No, I won't! I haven't done anything wrong!" There is only impassive silence, my breathing heavy in the quiet. "Sir, I refuse to relinquish my post."

"You dare!" His power is rising, swirling around him, through the hall and I have to fight to stand, entire body shaking; breathing is becoming difficult but I won't. I won't let them take me away, I belong in the Third. With Ikkaku. "You are a disgrace! To refuse a superior officer's command!"

I might be a disgrace but at least I'm a stubborn one. My nails break the skin of my palms, I can feel the blood running over my fingers to drip from my knuckles; I will not give in. Heavier and heavier, power presses me down until I kneel, my legs giving under the pressure, teeth gritted so tightly I can taste blood. "No!" I barely recognize my voice, stress high and breathy.

Silence and the power vanishes, leaving me gasping on the floor. I can't move, not even to unclench my teeth or fists. "Kira." I..kkaku? He's here? "Do as you are told."

"Sir?" I can't find him, only hear his voice echoing in the hall as I turn my head frantically, seeking his sturdy frame. "Why, sir? I"

"Kira." No explanation, no inflection in his voice, only a command. Too much, it's too much, not even my Captain wants me. A tear rolls down my cheek, then another until I'm crying steadily, silently. Shock is setting in but not enough to dull the ache in my chest, the stab of pain through my head.

From somewhere, the strength to move comes and I force myself to my feet, swaying slowly. My fingers are slick with blood and I fumble with the badge before dropping it to the floor; when I try to get it, Lieutenant Choujirou reaches past me and picks it up. A tiny smile flicks at me before his face becomes impassive again as he returns to Captain Yamamoto's side; why? Why is this happening to me? Haven't I paid enough dues already?

I just stand there, too exhausted to think, to care anymore. Wabisuki screams in my head, telling me to fight, to stand up for myself, but I ignore her; if not even Ikkaku wants me, there is nothing left. It's quiet, I can feel all twenty five sets of eyes on me. I don't know what to do. Should I leave? Stay? I can't even wipe the tears away, just let them fall from closed eyes.

Heavy cloth settles over my shoulders, large hands turning me to face the Captain; I can smell him, feel the warmth of his skin. "Kira, look at me." What can it hurt? It doesn't matter.

My eyes open slowly to stare into his widely smiling face. "I'm real proud of you." Why? Because I'm pathetic? Or because I haven't turned into a screaming mess yet? Just for a second, I consider doing it, to embarrass him, but I can't. My short bangs shake a bit as I look down; I still feel naked without them.

His gaze softens, the wide grin shifting into a gentler version. "Kira Izuru, I, Captain Madarame Ikkaku of the Third Division, hereby grant you Captain status." I shake my head again; he tips my chin up and nods before leaning in to kiss tears away. "For your bravery, your strength, and your loyalty to Soul Society, not only in recent months but for the past century of your service in the Gotei 13, you are named Co-Captain of the Third Division. Do you accept?"

But, but, what? I can only blink at him, dazed by his sudden proclamation. My eyes wander down to my shoulders and my hand lifts slowly to touch the bright white cloth, dark markings harsh and strange against my skin. "C,c,captain?" He just smiles and squeezes my shoulders "But, but I'm, I'm not"

A whisper across my lips. "You're perfect. Come, Kira, say yes." A soft kiss. "Say yes, Izuru."

What else can I do? "Yes." I don't understand, but he wants me to say yes, so I will. A whoop of victory and I'm flying through the air, whirled in strong arms, clinging tightly. "Sir, sir!"

"What did I say about that?" He's grinning so widely I'm surprised he hasn't split a lip open. I'm suddenly leaning over backwards, arms flung around the heavy shoulders for balance, hot lips covering mine in a scorching kiss, tongue invading my mouth and I forget about the Captains, Lieutenants, everyone and everything in my rush to kiss him back. As he pulls away, I become aware of soft clapping, the louder men cheering softly.

My face flushes crimson but Ikkaku isn't bothered, he just slings an arm around my waist and hauls me against his side. Captain Yamamoto speaks from behind me, deep voice silencing the others. "Congratulations, Captain Kira, on your promotion and your new posting as Captain of the Third Division. Lead well." The barest hint of a smile and he turns away, walking slowly to the door; Lieutenant Choujirou winks quickly and trails after him to hold the door.

Once it clicks shut, I'm lifted into the air again, Renji's voice loud in my ears, congratulating me, Yachiru clinging to my shoulders. Each Captain comes by to greet me as a new Captain and each Lieutenant salutes and grins. It's all a daze as I bow back and thank them all, leaning heavily on Ikkaku. He finally cuts them off and swings me up into his arms, cradling me against his chest. "Alright, back off. He's just out of the hospital for fuck's sake."

"Bah, you just want to take him home and get laid. Fuck off, we're celebrating." Renji's obnoxious laughter rings for a second before the room freezes over; he immediately bolts after his departing Captain, apologizing, leaving the rest of us snickering behind him.

"Loser. Come on, Kira, you need to rest." And off we go, my protests ignored as we stomp through the snow, little flurries kicked up with each step. The door opens as we approach and salutes are snapped off as we step through; the entire division is here to welcome me home.

"Sir! We've already moved your things for you. I unpacked most of it. I hope you will be pleased!" Tetsummi, reliable Tetsummi.

I smile at him and he smiles back, pleased and proud. "Thank you, Tetsummi." An automatic reaction before I'm carried further inside. Wait, my things? Unpacked? I try to turn back but the Captain just pulls my head down to his shoulder.

"Shh, be patient." I quiet and rest, arms around his neck. "Here we are." An unfamiliar door a few steps down the hall from the Captain's room opens with a nudge of a bare foot and I blink at the airy room; big windows let the evening light in to cast shadows over a large bed, a small desk that I recognize as mine, and a few dressers.

"Sir?" A quick shake nearly makes me bite my tongue and I blush. "Ikkaku, what is this?" I'm certain this wasn't here when we left last time.

"This is your new room. I had Tetsummi bring everything here and put it where it belongs." He's beaming down at me. "My room is just through that door." I finally notice it, tucked over near the desk, and blush even more.

I'm set gently down on the bed and continue staring around the room. "But, where did it come from?" I was only gone for three weeks.

"I had them start as soon as we got back, so it would be ready for you to spend your first night as Captain in your own room."

I just gawk at him, mouth opening and closing silently. "You, knew? Since when?"

Pink tiptoes across his cheeks and I try not to laugh. "I put your name forward as soon as I knew you would make it. Just found out this morning."

"That was mean, to scare me like that." My gaze turns to the floor; even thinking about it makes my chest hurt. "I don't deserve to be Captain, I can't even do Bankai."

Thick arms wrap around me quickly, hugging tightly as he sinks down beside me on the bed. "It doesn't matter if you never perform it again. We voted." He grins suddenly and drops a kiss on my nose. "It was unanimous you know. Even Yamamoto voted to have you be Co-Captain until a post opens for you to take over, if you want." His thumb runs over my cheek. "I know it was hard on you. I didn't want to but old man Yama insisted. And you did really good, standing up to him like that. We were all proud."

I'm so happy to hear that he was proud of me that tears start again. I just can't seem to stop today. "I thought you didn't want me anymore, that you were sending me away." I was so worried that he didn't like me anymore, that I was a nuisance; that I really am useless.

A heavy sigh and he pulls me to my feet, big hands closed gently around my wrists before brushing tears away. "Aw, Kira, as if I could do that." A step is taken away from me and he runs a palm over the smooth head, dull red moving over his cheeks. "Fuck. Guess I should have done this a while ago."

A tiny frown creases my forehead; what is he talking about? Houzukimaru is drawn with a slick of metal and the point stabbed into the floor. Ikkaku kneels on one knee, one hand curled around the handle of his sword. "Now listen carefully, I'm only saying this once." I nod quickly, watching curiously. "I swear my sword, soul, and body to follow you, protect you, and stand beside you forever."

"But, but you can't!" My hair shakes quickly, I wish I had my bangs to hide behind. He can't follow me, I can't lead! "No, Ikkaku, get up."

A hard hand grabs mine as I reach forward to make him stand, harder eyes staring up. "You little idiot. I've been yours since I first saw you. I'll always be here with you. Even if I die, I'll find you again." A soft kiss to my knuckles. "Say you love me and want me to stay."

My lips part in a smile, slow tears on my cheeks. What can I do? I have to obey my Captain. "I love you, Madarame Ikkaku, and would be honored if you would stay beside me forever."

We're falling, tumbling backwards somehow; he's gone from kneeling before me to leaning over me, fluttery kisses covering my face. "Love you, you know. My pretty, tough little Kira." I laugh into his mouth, taking kiss after kiss.

It's true. A thousand is never enough.


End file.
